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There is green space within Philadelphia County, if you know where to look. And hiking is a Perfected-Adepts-approved activity for working out, even if Ziv can't quite keep the pace of a buffed-up zaddy potential Perfected Adept. They're pretty tough! Just ... not very strong.
Backpack with a picnic dinner in it loaded up on their back, Ziv tromps up the edge of Wissahickon Creek, which is not exactly an approved trail, but they are excited about it. "I found a pretty decent swimming place," they explain, "At least, it was good for swimming once I cleaned it."
"You cleaned the Wissahickon? That's a feat." Aaron is sporting the dad approved wardrobe of cargo shorts and a muscle shirt. It reads 'Close the Gun Show Loophole' in fading black text. Because a muscle shirt about the gun show loophole is premium rabbinical dad humor, right there. He's got his own pack and, no, doesn't seem to be particularly sweating the hiking for all that the natural landscape is clearly not something he deals with much at all.
"Well, this one specific area. I'm sure it'll need picked up again, but that's, you know. That's life," Ziv offers, over their shoulder. Their tank top cheerfully declares 'Error 404, Gender Not Found' in genderfluid pride colors. "I haven't been able to drag people up here yet, so, you get to be the first person that I say 'let's go do the thing'!"
"Is the water okay? I would have figured anything flowing through this city isn't fit to dunk myself in. Full offense to this festering boil on the ass of southeastern Pennsylvania, which I love and call home. But, yeah. We're a disgusting city, let's face it." Aaron tests some squishy ground before stepping over it, perhaps still afraid of the dreaded quicksand which so plagued the television shows of his youth.
"I mean, that's why we're walking up out of the city. It's not bad before you actually get into the city itself. All the rich people who live up here get real pissy if the water's nasty." Ziv pauses and waits for Aaron to step over the potential quicksand, which is not on I-90, but here, on the side of the creek. "Eko and I were talking about if the Wyrd makes money easier for us, buying a place out here, maybe, for our family."
"Yeah, there's a lot of that going around," Aaron observes with a bit of a sigh, "it'd be pretty, at least. Expensive. But pretty. Good luck house hunting, and all that. It's a chore and a half, I'm given to understand. Never bothered owning a home, myself. Prefer to live in the city, in my old neighborhood. Although that's becoming progressively harder for me to do, I guess."
They turn and back away from him, still hiking, walking backwards. That's going to end with them falling on their ass. "Well, the whole thing is, whatever we buy, it has to suit our whole family." The emphasis is repeated, and their eyebrows loft a little. "Even if they don't choose to live with us all the time. Kinda sucks to not be able to have your dog with you, I think, probably." Beat. "So it's kind of an ongoing discussion that involves more than just us." Their hands hang on to the straps of their backpack.
Aaron stops walking forward about half-way through Ziv's response, as much to keep them from falling over and killing themself as because he's attempting to process what is being said to him. "You have a gift for saying everything but what you mean to say, Ziv," Aaron finally states with another small sigh, "and when it comes to talking about stuff like this, I really wish you wouldn't do that."
"I feel like I'm saying exactly what I mean to say," offers the mermx with the most confused expression flickering across their face. They stop when he stops. "But you're also not saying everything you mean to say, either." Rather than continuing to hike backwards, Ziv takes a step toward him. "I felt like I was getting there, anyway."
They puff out their cheeks, squint a little, and turn their head off to one side before glancing up at him through their lashes. "Okay. So. It's not a good idea for us to sleep in the hollow all the time, so getting a place that isn't in the Hedge is a very practical idea, especially as we're talking about forming a motley. I should introduce you to Rosalyn, who's going to be motleying up with us most likely once we're settled on an Oath and a name, which we also talked about yesterday. As we started talking about it, two things became clear: one, just getting 'an apartment' wouldn't suit us, two, you're part of all of our considerations, and not just because you and I had briefly talked about you being a formal part of our family at some point in the future, three, even if you didn't choose to live with us for whatever reason, taking your needs into consideration would be important because we live tumultuous lives and right now you're living with people on an ad hoc basis and you can't even have your dog with you, which would make me upset, four, I know it sort of hurt your feelings or unsettled you or made you sad when Lux bought a house with their partners and you found out about it after the fact and so even if all of those other things weren't true, which they are, talking to you about it and making sure you had the option to be involved in our house-making and home-selection process is important to me."
"You're a part of our family. You should be part of this conversation, or at least get the option to opt-out."
"Because I didn't want to compare this situation to the situation with Lux and their family, because that's unfair to you. And it's not so much that they decided to settle down and get a house and all of that-- more power to them, and I'm exceedingly happy for them --it's that I get to feel like a moon. Spinning around something that means the world to me that orbits something else entirely." Aaron starts walking again, hooking his thumbs into his pack straps, "Which is the best comparison I've come up with for how I feel sometimes. About all of this stuff."
He switches gears without a beat, "Anyway. I've probably got more money sense than the two of you crammed together. So I'm happy to be involved in the conversation. I know I can get you some good referrals to realtors I trust from my old congregation and Kol Tzedek. Same with a reputable mortgage broker. Get a quote from Rocket Mortgage, too. They're good to shop against. And I'll get you a referral to a home inspector. It's worth paying for one up front if you're buying one of these old houses. They can hide a lot of problems with a coat of paint these days. And if you want my input on where and what you buy, I'm happy to give that, too. For all the reasons stated."
"Not stepping on emotional land mines isn't fair or unfair," Ziv answers, still hanging on to the straps of their backpack. "It just is. It's not a comparison of my situation and theirs, or whatever, it's that this was something that was presented to you after the fact, a fait accompli. And big changes, whatever they are, you deserve to have them talked about with you beforehand, Lux entirely aside. I'm just more aware of them because I know -- your feelings had been recently ... hurt? Moon-ified?" They attempt to walk alongside him, but that doesn't always work, so they end up skittering ahead of him again.
"And I guess what I'm getting at is attempting to establish a stable system where no one ends up feeling like a moon." A puff of breath, and their shoulders hunch; they pull on the straps of their backpack.
"Once I exist on paper, which should be soon," agrees Ziv, "I would really like you to be involved. And realize that there's space intended for you in whatever we are looking for, so."
"Lux has been very kind to me," Aaron maintains with a bit of a frown, "and where they've hurt my feelings, they've done their very best to make me feel better and contextualize my feelings. I appreciate that you've learned from my own previous stumbles as I'm learning who I am and where I stand with respect to polyamory, and all that. But I definitely feel some kind of way about either one of you characterizing the other in less than flattering terms. I'm still learning where my hangups are, and what I can and cannot put up with in this ... man, I hate the term lifestyle. But you know what I mean. It's nobody's fault for stumbling across a line I didn't know I had, and had never clearly articulated."
"I'll be involved. I think I'd like that. I'm definitely uncomfortable about it right now, but I'm always uncomfortable about new frontiers with..." He doesn't say 'lifestyle' a second time, but just sort of gestures vaguely with one hand.
A heavy sigh. "It's not about characterizing someone else in less-flattering terms, and I'm sorry if it came across that way. Whether it had been me accidentally hurting you or someone else accidentally hurting you, the point is that I'm aware of it because you had been recently hurt, and so it had been highlighted to me that it was important. That's the point." The mermx stomps a little harder than they need to on their next step, which is about as frustrated a gesture as they ever allow themself. Stomp. YOU TAKE THAT, ROTTEN TWIG! I HAVE BROKEN YOU WITH MY PUNY STOMP!
"In the way that we live," they agree.
"Everyone's uncomfortable with it, it seems, except me," laughs Ziv. "Eko is less freaked out about a lifelong oath than a thirty-year mortgage. I guess I don't know how Rosalyn feels about it."
"I've lived as a renter all my adult life. Six months ago I was so neck deep in my work I didn't have a love life. Now my life has exploded, I'm on trial for assaulting a police officer, and I have two nonbinary partners. So, yeah, Ziv. I'm a little uncomfortable right now. Though it's nothing to do with you or even this situation, really. Every day I wake up and my life changes more. I'm drifting further away from Aaron Cohen and further into Third Degree Disciple Yisra'el, Talon and Theurge on the Path to the Aether, et cetera et cetera. Every decision I make these days charts a new course in my life. And that's, frankly, utterly terrifying." Aaron stops walking again and turns to watch the stream with a continued frown. "God gave me all of this power and no instructions."
"It wasn't a statement of judgement. It was, if anything... I mean, why am I not uncomfortable? Why am I not worried? Is something wrong with me that I'm not? I don't know." They take a few more steps and then realize that he's stopped, shuffling back down the creek bed to pause next to him. "I can see how that would be scary," they agree quietly, leaning their head against his shoulder. "It was pretty scary when I first got back. I spent a long time running in circles because if I stopped to think, it was too much."
"So that's, you know. You're a little more self-aware than I was." Which is probably the product of being a grown-ass adult when you Awaken rather than being Taken as a twelve-year-old kid. Amazing. "I'm not saying it's wrong you're uncomfortable. I never would. You know how I feel about feelings."
"I wish I knew how I felt about my feelings," Aaron remarks with a soft chuckle, slipping an arm around Ziv's shoulders and giving them a jostle. "I have these two warring selves now. The pacifist rabbi beholden to a community in need who feels obligated to bring healing and peace to his city. And this... Paragon. That's what we're called. Paragon. Of power and righteousness, of the process of physical and mental perfection. Capable of extraordinary violence and ... power straight out of comic books. And I don't know who the real me is anymore."
Laughter, and Ziv turns their head to kiss the round of his shoulder, sliding their arm around his waist. "That is, at least, a problem I recognize. A common problem with Lost. Having to reconcile the face we present to the world with the face that we present to other Lost. And which face is the real face? Which self is the real self?" Ziv twists their mouth to the side a bit. "Though at least you're not dealing with a bit of your soul wandering around in an automaton made of garbage, telling people it's you?" Soft laughter, then. Self-effacing. "I think they're both you, both of those things. Can't they both be?"
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