|
Mearcstapa's apartment is nearly empty, now. The kind of empty that only a full move-out can bring, when there's still those last two or three loads of just...stuff.
Mostly Jack's stuff, at this point. There's two cardboard boxes on the floor of the bedroom, both half full, while Jack himself is...sprawled out on the floor next to them, arms above his head. An inch or so of skin is visible between the hem of his t-shirt and the waistband of his shorts, and while he's not asleep, he looks pretty damn defeated.
The front door unlocks, opens, closes, and there is the smell of barbecue in the apartment. Mearc sets the food down in the kitchen, before looking for a Jack.
"D'you get barbecue? Fuck yes," Jack calls from the bedroom. He still hasn't bothered to sit up, when Mearc finds him, though he's lifted his head to watch his fiance come through the doorway.
"You're my favorite." He grins, and gives Mearc a thorough look over before holding out a hand to him.
Mearc ignores the hand and lays himself down on the floor beside Jack. As you do.
"You look completely exhausted, like a card flat on the floor. Is all the lifting that bad, love?"
"I'm trying to make decisions about what to keep. 'S more exhausting than lifting any day." Jack rolls over - and onto Mearc. Because of course he does. He grins as he does it, and places his hands on either side of Mearc's head to prop himself up.
This close, there's a faint...almost chirping, noise. Like early morning birdsong, heard from very far away. Jack leans down to give the other Darkling a slow kiss, and pulls away with his same scribbly cheeks.
"You don't have anything else here at this point, do you?"
"Besides you?" Mearc's smile is crooked, as he props his head up on one hand. "No, not really."
"Heh. I mean...I guess it makes sense, you never really settled down here. Not enough to put down any sort of visible roots, at least." Jack gives Mearc another kiss before looking around the room. "Do you think you'll treat your office the same way? Or is it less...transient, I guess, given that it's in the house?"
"I'm still figuring that out for myself. Your mantle sounds pretty." That's a pretty pointed subject change.
Jack raises his eyebrows. "The home we're building - we have built - isn't the type we can just up and walk away from. Is that...mm. How is that sitting with you? Sounds like...it's not, so much." Sorry, Mearc. Not getting away with that subject change, right now.
"I'm not planning on walking away from you two. Never. I love you both dearly, more than I ever thought I could." He reaches over, lightly brushing fingertips through Jack's hair.
"How does that translate to your figuring out whether you're going to treat your office like it's the same transient place that this was?" Jack is prodding, and he knows it. He doesn't sound particularly apologetic about it, either, though he moves closer to Mearc, and props himself up on an elbow to look at the man.
"I think on some level, I'm trying to figure out...like. How do I make a space that is both my working office and my introvert retreat at the same time, and that's part of where I'm getting stuck. I had the idea of a loft bed, desk underneath, but that just doesn't sound comfy for what I need. So there's part of where my brain is breaking."
"Hmmm..." Jack nods, his lips pursing slightly as he thinks. "What does a retreat like that have to have, for you? I wonder if thinking of them separately first might be useful."
"I mean, the whole apartment was my retreat before you two ended up staying with me. Which is not inherently a bad thing, but like. There are reasons I've never had a roommate or anything before. I need...me-space." He shrugs. "It's been just a little bit difficult, having both of you with me all the time, but I've been trying not to say anything about it?"
Jack reaches out to start to play with Mearc's hair. "Yeah, I knew it might be an issue, going into all of this. I'm sorry you haven't felt like you could say anything about it, 'cause it's something that's important to your wellbeing, and it's hard to know what you need when you don't tell us. Yeah?"
"It just feels like...everyone's been so excited about this move and about things in this relationship getting stronger, faster, and I don't want to be the one to pump the brakes on anything." He laughs softly. "And on some level, I'm kind of scared about the possibility of being 'the responsible one', you know? The only one who remembers to keep a vegetable in the house once in a while, and the one who's always got to be on top of bills, and the one who's cleaning up dirty laundry and...which is stupid, I know it probably won't be like that, but it's a failure state I'm sort of bracing for anyway."
"Stepping off the gas a little now, like you're doing, is a hell of a lot better than having to slam the brakes on later." Jack stretches with a groan, and sits up. "All three of us have lived on our own before, with better or worse results, but...we've all had to have those responsibilities, you know? And I've had the practicalities in the back of my mind. How splitting chores is going to work, how splitting finances is going to work. Like...we muddled through, here. For the past few months. And if we didn't kill each other while living on top of one another, having more space is only gonna make it easier. But...even with more space, you absolutely deserve to have a place to get away from us." He finishes talking with a chuckle.
"It's not about 'getting away from you', it's about curling up someplace quiet and recharging my batteries so I can come back to you with the energy you two deserve." He moves his head to rest on Jack's leg, now that he's sitting up. "...And I really can't do that in a space that is my office, I think. I may need to get a workspace outside the home, for serious, for real."
Jack nods silently, and starts to pet Mearc's hair in earnest, smoothing it away from his face and down the back of his neck. "That sounds like a big step. Like...even more roots, more loose ends that can't be quickly tied." His voice is quiet. "I know you mentioned wanting to get some sort of office space with Wren, did that ever pan out?"
"We never actually got around to talking about it entirely." Mearc closes his eyes. "You know, I spent five years rooting myself down in Chicago."
"Yeah? I bet it was hard as shit to leave all that." Jack's voice is soothing, sympathetic. It's probably a pretty familiar tone, at this point. "And scary as all hell to start the process all over again, after that."
"I mean. Here, this apartment? Less than a year, hardly any time at all." He shrugs slightly against Jack's leg.
"You...actively resisted truly moving in here, based on..." Jack gestures to the bare walls. "This place was never anything but somewhere to land for a while, right. Easy to leave, no point in making it your own."
"And now we're very, very much making our home someplace that's ours. And I think I've done my fair share of helping with that. Still scary, though."
Jack leans down to kiss the side of Mearc's head. "You absolutely have. And yeah, it's scary as fuck. It's so permanent, easy to track down." He shakes his head.
"What's your favorite way to recharge?"
"Used to be video games, but that's kinda still a crapshoot. Uh, reading, I guess. And a good cup of coffee. Or tea. Or hot apple cider. Or fuck, hot cocoa. I don't care as long as it's warm." He pauses. "So, I need an electrical kettle in my room. And I definitely need a place to sleep there, bed or couch or something.
"Both of those are easy enough." Jack nods. "You could even get a pull out couch, give you both options. A nice space for holding tea and hot chocolate and all that...and clearly a comfy chair and a bookshelf so you don't have to dig through the whole house to find the book you want."
"Make it into a study or a lounge or a den. Yeah, my den, I think, that's appropriate for the Hunterheart. Paint the walls darker than the rest of the house, something restful like...a dark grey-purple? Something something."
"Oooh...you make it too cozy and I'll wanna sneak in there with you..." Jack grins and kisses Mearc's shoulder. "Gotta get some mood lighting, too. A nice light for reading by, but maybe not much more than that. Rugs? Or bare floor?"
"...sheepskin rug?" He sounds uncertain.
"Very much a den, lionheart. That's luxurious as fuck." Jack cards his fingers through Mearc's hair. "Wall tapestries or like...a four poster bed? Or is that not the right direction?"
He looks thoughtful. "Well, I told Nevy I want some of her art. But I'm also thinking like...maps or schematics framed to look like art, on the walls."
"Building blueprints?"
"Maybe. That's probably going to be a fun Etsy browse."
"...Are you planning on displaying your...trophies somewhere else in the house?" Jack sounds a little hesitant about asking the question at all, and his hand stills on Mearc's hair for a moment.
"No. Those would definitely stay in my den. Probably on the bookshelf somewhere." He opens his eyes, looking up at Jack. "They make you uncomfortable?"
"...I don't know." To his credit, it's been a while since Jack's avoided answering a question like this.
"I mean, I still have Her rapier, all wrapped up in my closet, so...feel like it'd be hypocritical, anyway."
"But it's not something you display. It's something you hide away like you're ashamed of it." Mearc's turn to prod, oops.
"I should probably just get rid of it." Jack shrugs and suddenly looks very interested in the half packed boxes.
"You haven't yet, though. Even if you're not showing it off, you have kept it. All wrapped up. Why?" His voice is low and gentle, mantle perking up with a cornhusk rustle and warm breath on the back of Jack's neck.
"Dunno." Jack shrugs as his silhouette starts to flicker slightly.
"You could put it in your den, if you wanted...?"
"Jack, with regard to that rapier, what matters is what you want."
"Like I said, I...don't know. It's...mmm." He lets out a heavy breath, flecks of charcoal shuddering away from him.
"I'd feel guilty, getting rid of it. Like...I'd be burying the evidence, somehow. 'S fucking stupid, I dunno."
"I don't think it's stupid at all. I think your feelings about it are real, and important, and should be respected. And if you want me to keep the rapier in my den, I will. Though it will likely be on display properly."
"I - don't know what I want. What else is fuckin new." Jack's laugh is a little bitter.
"It's...a reminder of what we did. I don't think it's something I should forget, and...maybe I'd start to, if I got rid of it."
Mearc moves to a sitting position, and faces Jack. "I understand. I'll keep it safe in my den, then, until you decide otherwise."
"I love you." It's quiet, a sincere confession. "Thank you."
|