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Jack's taking Lif out for dinner, after all this. His treat, because dear god does he need to be someplace that's not the Patriarch Tree Hollow or the budget hotel they've booked rooms in for the night.
So they've ended up at the Grey Fox Grille in the center of Dover, a charming old Victorian home that's been completely renovated into a cozy restaurant and bar. Jack managed to shower and change at the hotel, and is lounged in his chair, wavy hair still a little damp. He's perusing the menu, but continues to give Lif little glances, as he does.
Lif's also changed, out of that floral shirt and into a black tank-top that says "I'll Fucking Do It, Darling" in a curly serif font. Her hair's still wet from her own shower, braided back out of her face. It'll dry crimped, that's a thing.
She catches one of those glances, makes direct eye contact for a moment. "What's up?"
"Just...wondering if you're all right. I uh...didn't fall asleep, like you did." It's a good thing they're tucked into a little corner in the back, out of the way of most prying ears. "Could'a done a hell of a number on your mind, 's all."
"I think I'm alright. I feel about like I'd expect to feel after all that." But their hand lifts to touch the crack on their neck, and then they glance at their fingers. Like they're checking something.
Jack nods, his eyes following Lif's hands. "What did she try to do, while you were down? It...from where we were, there was...she was focused on you, but we...didn't know what was up, you know?"
"I dreamed of being polluted again. The tree talked to me, about being unclean, and how if I stayed and grew, I would be worthy, because there was no pollution there. 'Why do you expect them to love something so polluted?'" They shake their head. "I told it I'd allow myself to be dirty again, if it meant being free. Even...even if it meant I'd be sick, or never be clean again. And I thought...I honestly thought I'd wake up leaking sludge instead of water again."
"...Oh, Lif..." Lines streak across Jack's forehead as he frowns in concern. "That's...I mean it's pretty fucking shitty, to have to dream. 'Specially when everything felt so real...having to make the same sacrifice all over again to get out. Jesus." He shakes his head. "'M sorry, it uh...your conviction helped convince her, but...fuck."
"Well, I got through it. And I came back perfectly healthy, and everything is fine."
Jack raises his eyebrows and opens his mouth to respond, but shakes his head again as the server comes over to take their drink order. He gestures to Lif. They can order first.
Lif orders a Shirley Temple, and gives Jack a small reassuring look.
There's a pause as the server turns to Jack, and the sketchy lines around his face shudder and flicker. He makes eye contact with the server, offering them a small smile.
"Rum'n coke." A little shrug at Lif after the server's left. "'S one drink. After all the shit that's gone down..."
"I really don't think that's a good idea, Jack. I thought you wanted to try and stay sober." But she doesn't have it in her to really make a big deal of it. Not tonight. Not after what they've been through. She doesn't have that in her right now.
"It's...'s just one drink." Reassuring himself just as much as her as a bitter sort of smile. He holds out a hand to her. "I'm fine if you're fine, yeah?"
"I'm still feeling very vulnerable and...impure? And wondering if the voice I heard might have been right, and I shouldn't expect anyone to love me as I am. There, not fine at all, how about you?" They set their hand atop his, but doesn't grab a firm hold.
Jack gently squeezes their hand, and nods. "The voice - whatever fucked up Wyrd version of Merdiay you heard, is absolutely wrong. A trip to the arboretum might help with that, but...I'll keep saying it for as long as it takes for you to believe it. And I bet a certain shadowy friend of yours'll say it, too. You deserve to be loved just as you are, impurities or not, vulnerable or not."
Lif closes their eyes. "You might end up saying that a lot, if you offer that."
"'S what friends are for, Lif. Reminding you just how badass you are. And how much we care about you." Jack squeezes their hand again before pulling it away and gesturing to the menu. "How d'you feel about shrimp?"
She opens her mouth as if to say something, and then snorts. "My mind just leapt over to another tab in the browser and for a moment all I could think about was the colors mantis shrimp can see and we can't. But I'm assuming you actually meant for eating. I'm good with them."
Jack snorts. "Yeah, was talking about the bacon wrapped kind, think I'm gonna splurge on an appetizer." 'Cause getting an appetizer is a splurge to a millennial like him.
"Do all those extra cones - or rods? In their eyes make 'em more delicious, d'you think?" He grins, clearly joking.
"People don't often eat the eyes of the shrimp. And mantis shrimp are a bitch to keep in tanks, so getting them extra fresh is hard. They can break out pretty easily, punch their way out of aquaria."
"...Huh. Are mantis shrimp even edible? Like - I mean I guess they are, but are they any good?" Jack cants his head. "Dunno 'f I've ever had one."
"I doubt any of us have ever eaten one of them. But they're cool--wanna see a picture?" They pull out their phone.
"'Course." There's one of Jack's grins again, and he leans over to see. "I've seen fresh shrimp at fish markets and shit, but...not really anywhere else. Maybe at an aquarium or two...?"
She shows him the image on her screen, chuckling.
"They're so colorful, holy shit..." Jack breathes out. "No wonder they can see so much shit we can't."
They scroll down on they article they found. "Wait, no...Mantis shrimp are eaten in Japanese, Cantonese, Vietnamese, Mediterranean, Filipino and Hawaiian cuisine. So that's a thing."
"Huh...might have to go find some recipes. And a place to source 'em here, they don't look like the kinds of things you can get in any old river." Jack sits back as their drinks arrive, thanking the server absently and barely letting them set his glass down before he picks it up. His first sip is hesitant, and he exhales with a small shudder before knocking back about half the thing.
Lif quietly keeps their gaze on him while he drinks. Says nothing. Just watches.
Jack studiously avoids their gaze as he puts the half empty glass down with a sigh, and just kinda...relaxes back into his chair a little with a grimace.
"You gonna want me to go to the arboretum with you, when we're back?"
“If you want to. I’m not sure I need it. I think the bad feelings aren’t a clarity knock, they’re just...deep-seated bad feelings I have about my me.” She looks down at the menu. “The honey bourbon salmon sounds really good to me.”
"I was looking at that, too..." Jack nods. "Though I could go for some crab cakes. And...your bad feelings about yourself, you...I mean you healed the tree. Like. You did that. Definitely a win to go back to Devon with, yeah? Little bit of a confidence boost, at least." And there goes the other half of Jack's drink.
“I could order the salmon, you could order the crab cakes, we could split them.”
They glance off to one side. “Now we just need to figure out how to get Baltimore to fuck off, right?”
"Deal." Jack nods decisively, though his mood sours as Lif keeps talking. "Yeah. Devon's put me at the head of whatever negotiations happen, if Dover and Baltimore want a mediator. 'S gonna be shitty, shitty job, but maybe I can get 'em to unite against me. Like, not unite against the whole of Shackamaxon or anything, just me. Whatever gets Baltimore to back the fuck down from their...they want one'a the goddamned Trods." His voice is quiet, but indignant.
“I know. And if we’re being honest, Jacob’s so relieved, he might consider that. But he really, really shouldn’t have to.”
"They really fuckin' shouldn't." Jack huffs and eyes his empty glass, swirling the ice around in it absently. "I'm hoping we can knock it down to getting Dover's help rebuilding. 'S only fair. I get reparations for the shit Baltimore lost, but...'s just a power grab. 'S all it is, and it's disgusting."
Lif touches the hand holding the glass lightly.
Jack twitches and blinks at them in response, confused and uncertain.
"...What?" A small, nervous laugh comes out, and his silhouette shudders.
“Switch to coke and coke after this one?”
"I...mmm." He sighs, and runs his fingers through his wet hair. "Sure you wanna deal with me tomorrow, griping about it?"
“Yes, I am. As you yourself said, ‘it’s just one drink’. I’m going to hold you to that.” She favors him with a gentle look.
"'S the kinda thing I'm supposed to thank people for, yeah?" Jack huffs. The server comes over to take their food order, and Jack pauses again when they ask him if he wants another drink.
And gives a small shake of his head. "N'thanks."
“I’ll take another Shirley Temple. I’m weak for grenadine.” Lif laughs warmly.
"Have to keep that in mind, pick up some to keep at the house." Jack smiles. "Fuck me, I can't wait to be home. One less thing to stress about - though I guess...we gotta see how the Hollow fared..." His smile fades and he eyes his empty drink glass again.
“With all the work we’ve done to prepare? Sure, there will be cleanup, but Shackamaxon will endure.”
"Fuckin' better. I don't wanna have to think about putting us back together while keeping Dover and Baltimore away from each others' throats..." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair again. "Got a hell of a lotta respect for the people holding down the fort though. I sure as hell couldn't do it, they're all really built for that shit."
“Big mood. I know I’m nowhere near ready for that sort of a fight yet. Sigrun made me a really nice shield and spear for whenever my next fight is, though.”
"Oh yeah? 'S good you're getting along. Figured the both of you'd be able to get over the shock of everything pretty quickly. She gonna teach you to use it, too?"
“Yeah. The spear’s light enough for me to use with the shield, and the shield is...very clearly for me. It’s this teal color, with waves and the Laguz rune around the center.” Lif grins. “I’ll have to show you sometime.”
"That's fucking sweet of her." Jack nods. "Sounds pretty you, she do all that without your input, just from what she knows about you?"
“Naw, I definitely gave her input. She wanted to show me why shields are awesome, even for twigs like me.”
"I...know a little bit about that kinda shit, but not a lot. They can be used for offense and defense, yeah?" Jack asks the question carefully, like he's not entirely sure he wants to continue on this track of conversation. But he did ask the question.
“They can be, but I’m mostly relying on it for defense now. The design even has notches in the shield to rest the spear on, to keep it balanced and aimed accurately.”
Jack nods, understanding. "Good luck with it. Never was one for spears, myself. I uh...I've tried to forget the shit I know about firearms, honestly. It's nice to know I can leave all that shit to the people who actually want to fight like that, you know?"
“I’ll try to get good enough to protect you quickly.” They nod and offer a broad grin.
"Works for me. I uh...wish I could'a done more, for you in the tree. Kept you safe from all that Wryd shit." He looks a little guilty here, and even the arrival of the bacon wrapped shrimp doesn't quite erase the expression.
“Hey. Hey. I made my choice to step into that fairy ring,” They shake their head. “I could have stayed out, let Annie handle that, but...I really wanted to be there right there, to help Meriday and my sapling.”
"Yeah, but...I didn't help like that, not really. An' it turned out alright in the end, but...I was a fuckin' coward. Didn't wanna make the wrong choice, so I...didn't make a choice at all, y'know? An' I feel like that was a dangerous thing to do." Jack shrugs.
“You’re going to make me quote Neil Peart at you, huh?” They waggle a finger at him.
"I...dunno who that is," he says, his gaze flicking down to his plate. "What would they say about all this?"
Lif begins to sing softly, trying not to draw too much attention from the other tables.
"You can choose a ready guide
In some celestial voice
If you choose not to decide
You still have made a choice
You can choose from phantom fears
And kindness that can kill
I will choose a path that's clear
I will choose free will."
(full song)
"...Mmph." Is all Jack has to say about that, and gives Lif a show of grimacing and shaking his head. "...I mean...fair. Feel like I made the wrong choice by not making a choice. Don't wanna do that again."
"Okay. See, then don't do it again." Lif grins. "The great thing about surviving to see another day is there'll be more opportunities to make choices in the future. And you can do different then, when those come up."
"Somehow I feel like walking headlong into a fairy circle's never gonna be the right choice," Jack says with a laugh. "But 's better than this whole...freezing up shit I feel like I keep doing."
"The freezing up is a trauma response thing, though, so like. If you're beating yourself up for it, don't?" Lif takes one of the shrimp, gesturing with it as she talks. "It's probably a product of having made wrong choices and worked a pathway into your brain 'I don't make good decisions so I should not make decisions.'"
Jack gestures at his empty glass, where the ice is slowly turning the dregs of his drink into a very watered down bit of rum and coke. "I mean...see for yourself. I make bad decisions."
"Not a useful argument here, and definitely not an excuse to keep making that decision that you know is bad." Chomph.
"Keep making that decision and I don't have to think about all the others." He gives Lif a humorless smile, but starts in on his shrimp. Maybe eating will help.
"Thinking about them might hurt, but it can be good for you. The brain's a fuck, and I know I'm not a Joyeux anymore, but man...even I can see some of the destructive patterns you've got going on here."
"Don't worry, you're not the only one. Pretty sure you don't gotta be a Joyeux to see it - neither of my partners are, an' they said something before anyone else did." He shrugs. "I get the feeling that eventually all of Philly's gonna side-eye me when I talk about drinking."
"And support you when you make the choice not to. That's important, too."
"Yeah. Gotta lotta folx who're gonna be...disappointed in this." A gesture to the glass. "Including you, yeah?" He raises his eyebrows at them.
"Damn right. I'm not mad, I'm just very disappointed. But at the same time, I respect that you're choosing to stop at one."
"'F you weren't here I probably wouldn't be. Dunno what that says." Jack shrugs as his mien flickers. "'Cause I sure don't wanna stop at one. But uh. What else did you and Sigrun talk about, when you met up? She was pretty worried, wanted me to come along in case shit went south."
"Well. Apparently not all her meetings with other denizens of the realm have been positive. But, uh. Once I got her to see I'm--her words, here--'a queer person here with self-doubt and a chip on their shoulder', she was fucking eager to help me out. So caught up in what I represented, I had harder to work to get her to see who I am."
Jack huffs out a laugh at Sigrun's description of Lif. "Pretty fucking spot on description of you, I gotta say. The work you put into getting her to see who you are here's pretty worth it, yeah?"
"Oh, entirely. I think I'm going to like being her friend, once we get close to that point."
"She's a good friend to have. Took me a bit to get there just 'cause of my own shit, but it's good to be there now. And -" Jack grins and nudges their foot under the table. "Could say the same for you, too."
Lif does an imitation of a shocked Pikachu face, then grins. "Maybe we should do dinner more often. Not like a date thing, just...standing invitation to hang out and shoot the shit."
The shocked Pikachu face makes Jack laugh. "I'd definitely be down. This shit's pretty nice, bet it'll be even better when we're not exhausted and coming off a stressful as hell job."
"I mean, if it's what we need when we are exhausted? Good excuse to give ourselves a break." Lif lifts her Shirley Temple in a bit of a toast-y gesture.
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