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The Liacorus Center, commonly known as Temple Arena, is packed on Friday afternoon, with contestants and the audience arranged in stands around the course which winds through the center of the athletics center. Metal scaffolding holds various and sundry obstacles above multiple pits of water, surrounded by heavy gymnastics mats, leading up to the warped wall.
The lights go down once, twice, as a warning, and then five minutes later, the theme song starts blasting through the speakers, echoing and filling the domed arena space. The energetic music melds with the sounds of the crowd cheering, rising to a near-deafening roar. Excited fans and locals wave signs and scream!
"Welcome to the qualifying rounds of American Ninja Warrior Season Thirteen! I'm your host Matt Iseman, joined today by my co-host Akbar Gbajabiamila, and it's time to get started today!" His voice rises above the crowd from the eagle's nest perch in which he's situated: two burly men in suits, one a very 'issued from central casting' white man in a navy blue suit, his black hair cropped short; Akbar, to whom Matt gestures, is almost exactly the same height as Matt, Black, with a neat goatee, a brilliant smile, and a sleek dove-grey suit.
"Matt, I am just so excited about today's contestants. The crowd here in Philly is pumped. You know what they say: ain't no fans like Philly fans. Let's go to Zuri Hall down on the sidelines as we prepare to welcome our first contestant!"(edited)
"Thanks, Akbar! You can see the course today is a tough one!" Zuri, a slim young Black woman with a waterfall of slim braids framing her face. "First, they'll have to make their way across the Silk Slider, clinging to the cloth and sliding the frame down before swinging to land on the far end."
"Next, our ninjas will make their way to the Log Roll, where the only thing they have to do is hold on, which is harder than it looks. In previous years, this obstacle has eliminated up to eight out of ten contestants!" She continues to walk through the course, the camera following her as the audience tries to lean into frame, shaking their signs.
"Next is the Ring Chaser! The ring will roll down, and if our ninjas are quick enough to catch it, they can hook that onto the big hook there and use it to swing over, catching themselves on the opposite hook and swinging through. If they're not quick enough, they can use the smaller ring, which makes it more difficult!"
"Our fourth obstacle is the Rib Run, where contestants have to be quick and light on their feet. This traditionally has been easiest for the littlest ninjas, so it'll be interesting to see how today goes, as we have ninjas ranging from four foot ten to six foot nine, Matt!"
"Wow, that's really a range!" Matt laughs.
"It really is, Matt!" she answers, shaking her head. "And of course our last obstacle is the Warped Wall, which this year is twenty-five feet tall!"
"Thanks for walking us through this year's course, Zuri!" Akbar offers cheerfully. "Let's get ready to welcome our first contestant, Laura Walker, also known as The Hyena Ninja!"
"Oooh, spicy!" chortles Matt, and Akbar answers, "No, no, she's up next! Laura is one of our tallest contestants today, and she's dedicated her run today to the Philadelphia Fire Department Foundation, which raises funds for fire prevention and life safety education in the Philadelphia Metro Area."
"Wow! What a fantastic cause, Akbar. Let's get our first look at the first contestant today!"
Glitch had been right. Better to face an army baying for her blood than public attention. But she was Autumm and accepting and facing fear mattered. And so, padding into sight Laura waved at the audience, a strikingly tall human woman to most, a hyena to the Changelings in the audience. She breathed in, collecting her focus in the spotlight.(edited)
The audience is simply massive, and it would be impossible to find a familiar face in the crowd, but Glitch's eyes are on Laura, ready to see her perform from just offstage. "Kill it, fluffy," he murmurs to himself. "You got it."
"What an absolutely phenomenal athlete. Have you ever seen a woman that tall before?" Matt queries, to which Akbar replies, "If you can believe it, she's not our tallest female athlete today!" and Matt looks back at Akbar, totally shocked.
Beep, beep, beep, and then a fourth beep of a different tone, the countdown until Laura's run time begins.
"Let's focus in, here she goes, heading up to the Silk Slider, the first of our obstacles!"
"You got this, Laura," June shouts Laura's way. While her hands clap together a couple of times to add to the encouragement. That's just what people do.
Fighting a desire to blush, Laura bounced on her feet slightly to pysch herself up, reaching out to grab the silk slider before running with it down the slope. It wasn't terribly graceful but she managed to avoid getting a bath at least.
The camera focuses in on June briefly where she's on the sideline. "And that's June, our shortest contestant today, The Ginja Ninja, cheering on her friend Laura!" Matt narrates. "As the kids say, the tol and the smol!"
"Do they? Do they though?" Akbar asks, laughing and shaking his head. "And here she goes! Not the most elegant performance on the Silk Slider, but look at that swing! She's got such incredible reach due to those long arms and legs that this is pretty easy for her!"
"Those long arms will help her on the Log Roll, too!" Matt answers.
Matt is entirely correct, fighting the log as it rolls and keeping a tight grip where it counts Laura makes it through to the ring chaser,shaking her head to try and clear it before she starts. Dizziness doesn't help though and as she tries to hook the ring she utterly misjudges the distance. There's a strangled yelp of realisation followed by a large splash.
"AWWW!" June definitely looks disappointed when Laura falls in the drink. In theory there's some competition on this show, but that's not what June is here for, and cheering on the other contestants is totally her thing. "You'll do better next time!" she shouts.
"Oh noooooo!" The crowd reacts loudly, sympathetically, as Laura goes in the drink.
"Oh, such a disappointing moment for The Hyena Ninja, Matt, as her run ends on Ring Chaser!" The camera zooms in as Laura comes up from the water, catching her reaction to the end of her run.
"The bigger they are, the harder they fall, Akbar! Thankfully the water is there to catch her. And you hear The Ginja Ninja cheering for her friend, that's what the Ninja Warrior community is all about! What great friends those ninjas are!"
"We'll catch up with her in a moment on the sidelines with Zuri, but for now, Matt, , let's go meet Sophie Marshall, The Spicy Ninja!" And here the camera cuts from Laura to the starting area, where Spicy is just now approaching the line.
Spicy arrives when called upon from the backstage area, wearing some simple gym gear, showing the guns and the abs, her hair tied back into a tight bun, her gaze settled on the silk slider already, though she takes a moment to wave at Laura if she gets the chance to see her from where she stands, then waves to people in the stands, playing to the crowd a little bit.
She rolls her shoulders and bounces into place, focusing, getting her steam running and she jumps, grabbing the silk strands and slides forward, she grabs onto the dangling rope but doesn't have quite enough momentum for an immediate jump off, instead, she has to swing back and forth a bit before landing on the safe zone on the other side. The camera's likely to pick up on her saying "That was tougher than I thought." Spicy looks positively happy however, bouncing to the next step.
"Now Akbar, The Spicy Ninja isn't quite as tall as Laura, but she's still got fantastic reach. What an incredible athlete! You see her there getting herself together, psyching herself up before she takes on the Silk Slider! She doesn't dismount right away, taking an extra swing! That can add up, ninjas can get tired by the end of their performance, you want to be as efficient as you can, but! There she goes, smoothly through to the other side."
"You're so right, Matt, but look at the power! The strength! What a smooth performance from Sophie Marshall, The Spicy Ninja. On to the Log Roll. Now, while this didn't directly take our our last ninja, this brutal obstacle did contribute to The Hyena Ninja ending up in the drink. She'll have to be one tough ninja to hang on through this."
"And this tough ninja has dedicated her run to awareness for the LGBTQ community, and Philadelphia's own The Attic Youth Center! What an incredible cause, and what an incredible athlete, Akbar."
"YOU CAN DO IT SPICY!" June shouts from where she's watching. At least, after she shoots a bit of a dubious look in the direction of the perch where the announcers are watching, after the comment about friends. Urge to quite obviously smooch Laura rising!
Spicy looks at the log roll and takes a half-laughing breath as she already imagining how she'll feel on the other side of this, she rapidly set up on the log, koala-ing the shit out of her and lets the spinning commence, the thing she struggles the most with as she spins around is not to start laughing, which she manages pretty well.
When she disembark from the log, without too much issue, it's very clear that the Ogress is disoriented by it as she advance further, using the set as some kind of balance check, putting her hand against it. A look up at the monkey bar and she's trying to focus again.
"No swimming, Spicy! Come on!" June keeps cheering, whether Spicy can actually hear her or not. If she had pom poms she'd probably be using them.
"I gotta tell you, Akbar, I'm not sure if I'd be able to hold on to that, but The Spicy Ninja makes it through the Log Roller. Looking a little loopy at the end, but her strength means she makes the dismount!"
"The level of athleticism displayed here so far is just incredible, Matt, I'm just loving watching the competition. And we hear The Ginja Ninja cheering on The Spicy Ninja. Philadelphia has a reputation for being unwelcoming, but it really feels like the crowd here is full of love!"
And, of course, the Philly crowds LOVE that, so they get all the louder!
"Just gotta love that Ninja community! The Spicy Ninja dismounts and is on to Ring Chaser!"(edited)
Spicy jumps at the monkey bars, clinging to the bar and she fails at catching the rolling ring and thus, has to use the smaller one. She's got a good aim and good stamina, but the combination of her dizziness and the precision she needs is something that slows her down rather readily.
She does makes it to the other side and rolls her shoulder, heading to the rib run, starting to sweat now, she lets out a loud celebratory whoop as she gets there. "WOO!" throwing her hands in the air as she tries to pretend the rib run isn't totally scaring her.
"Ooooh, and she misses the big ring, but that's okay, she can use the smaller ring. It's sort of a six of one, half dozen of the other for the bigger ninjas -- they have greater reach, but the weight can make it more difficult to move all that mass across the breach."
"You hear The Spicy Ninja cheering as she gets to the other side of Ring Chaser, and who can blame her? That was a fantastic performance, Akbar, just an incredible show of athleticism. The ninjas at this level are just some top performers."
"But now she's on to Rib Run -- this can be difficult for heavier ninjas, and look at all that muscle that The Spicy Ninja is packing! Philly grows strong, strong ninjas. She looks like she could take on Flex Labreck!"
A certain Sprite has been waiting in the competitor's section, dressed in concealing clothing and hoping to avoid identification. He's been watching silently, but when Spicy clears the bars, he takes notice. Hidden except for his eyes in a sort of makeshift hoodie ninja outfit, this mysterious competitor takes a step forward to watch more intensely as the competition heats up...
Spicy paces from side to side for a moment, observing the rib run with a dubious look, but she quickly bouncing in place. She starts the Rib Run, focused and determined, the first one seems to surprise her with how it behaves beneath her feet, but she manages to keep going, it's not quite a speed run of the obstacle, but she manages to get onto the other side.
The Ogress jumps for joy as she manages to finish that part and seems already good to go for the Warped Wall, rolling her shoulder and slapping her arms to ignore the fatigue and pain in there.
"Is she gonna -- oh my GOD, Akbar, look at her go! A little wobble on that first rib, but she recovers and makes it through!"
"Matt, I gotta be honest, I wasn't sure that we'd see her on the other side of this, I was pretty sure on that first rib that we were about to see the end of The Spicy Ninja's run, but she pulled through! What an inspiration to all the kids that The Attic Youth Center serves. We do want to remind you that The Spicy Ninja has dedicated her run to The Attic Youth Center, serving LGBTQ youth in Philadelphia. What a great resource."
"No kidding, Akbar. Now just one thing stands between The Spicy Ninja and that buzzer: the 25 foot Warped Wall! This season sees a taller version of this perennial obstacle. With her reach, it should be easier for her than some of our shorter competitors, but it's not guaranteed. Watch her warming herself up. You really do start to wear out your arms on these obstacles. We know our ninjas make it look easy, but Akbar, it is not!"
Spicy's goal in training might have been something else entirely, like, impressing the ladies or to sculpt her body in a ways that she liked, but the side effect of her learning how to climb, how to run and the subsequent interest in running around with her new found skills for parkour but that would be useful today because, the road to get there is certainly not easy and doing it after being completing a full course of obstacle? Not easy. But the dedication to her stuff made it certain for her.
And so she does, she gives herself the short run she needs and uses the speed, strength and power she has to simply run a vast majority of the run upward and climb the last little hit of it and then hit the buzzer. Spicy celebrates with flexing pose and excited claps, waving to the people she recognize from the crowd. The Spring courtier looks spent from her run, but oh so happy.
The crowd goes wild, of course! The cheers are absolutely deafening after the very loud buzzer and the light show that accompanies it. For a moment, it's not even really possible to hear the hosts, because the Philly crowds just love to see one of their own succeed.
Spicy is now on the same level as the hosts, since she climbed up the Warped Wall and they're up in their eagle's nest, watching the whole thing so they can comment on it, and the hosts wave to her.
"Amazing run, Sophie! You're our first buzzer of this qualifying round. Must feel amazing!"
"Absolutely, Akbar! What an athlete! Now as you know, time is important, so whether The Spicy Ninja moves on will depend on how her time compares to anyone else who finishes, but for the moment, she's at the top of our leaderboard."
And the feed cuts over to the leaderboard, showing Spicy's face, her name, and her time, right next to "1."
"That's right, Akbar. Time can matter for those who didn't complete the course as well, depending on how far they got through the course! For now, we're going to go to commercial, and then when we return, more American Ninja Warrior!"
June goes wild when Spicy succeeds, because her friend making it through Ninja Warrior courses is AWESOME, really! "I knew you could do it, Spicy!" she shouts. "Now I'm coming for you!" she adds, because there is some competitiveness in her, after all.
As she slowly return toward the back stage area, but on the way there she waves toward June and shouts back "I'll have the towels ready!" a clearly playful jab at June as she also give the other woman a heart-shape with her hands. "And I'll bake you something if you win!"(edited)
"And we're back, here at Temple University for the Season Thirteen American Ninja Warrior qualifying rounds. Next up is a fan favorite, The Ginja Ninja! June Desrochers, a Vermont native who's been living in Philly for the past year, is currently with her training ladder as she works to become a firefighter, and we thank her for her service to our community. Ninja Warrior community loves its first responders!"
"That's right, Akbar. As you see The Ginja Ninja come up to the start line, you can see why the fans just love her. Four foot ten, but she packs a lot of dynamite into every inch of her frame."
"Matt, you know, if June gets a buzzer, she'll be the shortest person to ever make it up that Warped Wall!"
June is in black yoga pants, running shoes, and a tank top that says OPERATION HONEYBEE above and below a cartoon picture of a honeybee, with a url for the foundation across her shoulders on the back. She comes out and waves to the crowd, clearly not bothered by being out in front of so much attention. All absolutely adorable 4'10" of her looks confident and ready to be there. The other odd thing about her, beyond just her height, is that pretty much nobody goes through ninja warrior courses with glossy black stiletto fingernails. They really seem like they'd be prone to getting broken. Apparently June does it, though.
When she starts on the Silk Slider that confidence of hers seems well founded, since she hangs on without any apparent significant difficulty. A few moments later she's past it and on her way to the Log Roll, fully focused on the task at hand.
Up in the stands for this one are a whole large passel of likely looking sorts, all dressed in cargo pants and blue t-shirts with a gold crest on the breast for the PFD. In among them is Sigrun, her hair all up in braids and buns, holding up a sign with lots of little drawn bees all over the edges. The sign reads: PHILLY LOVES ITS WILD REDHEADS!
It also has Gritty's face on it.
She's hooting and hollaring along with all the rest of the firefighters in the stands, jumping up and down and screaming like she's at a Beatle's concert in 1965.
"Check out those nails! You'd think a Ninja Warrior would be breaking those, but The Ginja Ninja is not held back by them as she swings her way easily through the Silk Slider."
"And the fans just love her. She's so tiny, look at her go, Akbar!"
"It's true. And of course, you see the Operation Honey Bee shirt that The Ginja Ninja is wearing. She's dedicating her run today to awareness for this important charity dedicated to restoring native honeybee populations to their natural numbers. Such an important cause, and you can see why the fans love June as she cues up for the most vicious of our obstacles, the Log Roll."
Spicy is in the stand or on the side, whichever is better for the TV side of things and clapping her hands excitedly. "Go June!"
If June hears the people yelling to her she doesn't show it. She has her game face on, and is eyeing up the log roll and the span of its run. After a moment she slaps her hands together, hops onto it, and starts rolling down, round and round. When she gets to the end she's built up steam, as one does when gravity and ramps work together, and rather than flop gracelessly off of it at the end and clambering to her feet, she times things with the momentum so that she lets go and gets flipped into the air, where she does a little twist and comes down on her feet, already moving toward the next obstacle.
At this point she does raise both her hands, smile her most excruciatingly cute winning smile, and wave at the group of firefighters who is cheering her on. And some of the others, too!
Okay, now for the Ring Chaser!
"Now, normally our shorter competitors have difficulty with the Log Roll, because it really does count on being able to take hold of that massive log and hang on tight while it spins you around so quickly, so let's see how The Ginja Ninja approaches it."
"And here she goes, Akbar, grabbing on to the Log Roll and -- "
The crowd howls when June flies off, apparently thinking she's going to land in the water, but the sound only redoubles as she flips up and lands on her feet.
"HOLY COW, AKBAR, DID YOU SEE THAT? What an athlete! What an incredible show of control! Now we know why the crowd just loves The Ginja Ninja!"
"And there you see The Spicy Ninja on the sidelines, cheering on her friend, and we see our camera catching some of The Ginja Ninja's fellow firefighters up in the stands, cheering her on, just lots of love for her. Wow, Matt, just incredible, but now she's on to Ring Chaser, and can she translate that into forward motion?"
Spicy is just clapping and laughing at how fast June is going there, apparently taking the competition with a bright smile there.
"GINJA! NINJA!" The firefighters begin chanting, followed by a percussive stomping of their feet in the stands. "GINJA! NINJA!"
Sigrun has one of her compatriots in a headlock and is still jumping up and down and screaming like this is the most amazing thing ever.
Not far from the screaming Sigrun is a lanky Dominican leaning against the railing and cheering, even if Teagan is not being that outspoken about it because the player is running the damn thing, there's no way that Teagan would miss June's performance.
June only spends a moment taking in the Ring Chase's bars before she seems to be confident in what she has to do. She gets as much runway as she can give herself, takes off at a run, jumps up to the first bar, and starts swinging her way down ahead of the ring like she was born to go from branch to branch like a monkey.
When the ring itself shoots out of its slide she grabs it out of the air in the middle of the swing that would take her out into empty space if she didn't make the catch, but she has no trouble snatching it out of the air, slamming it into place, and swinging on to victory as if there was no added trickery there at all, and it was just monkey bars on the playground.
When she reaches the end she drops off, pumps her hands in the air a couple of times, and then heads for the Rib Run, where her small size actually provides an advantage for once.
"Now she doesn't have the reach that some of our other ninjas do, but she is very small and relatively light, so it'll be interesting to see how The Ginja Ninja takes on Ring Chaser, Matt."
"I mean if she does anything like she's been doing on these other obstacles, Akbar, we're about to see something really amazing."
"Just listen to the fans! The Ginja Ninja's fellow firefighters chanting in the stands for her, and you can really see why. Look at the ease with which she chases across the bars and -- oh, wow, just look at that catch!"
"Akbar, it's just incredible, you'd think she'd been literally made for an event like this. It's like she was genetically engineered for climbing!"
"Now she'll just have to make that swing and -- WOW! She's so speedy! On to the Rib Run. Now this is where her small size may provide some benefit -- lighter ninjas often find this to be easier... "
June does indeed find this to be easier, and between her quick feet, light weight, and soft steps, she pretty much breezes across it like the floaty ribs are stationary platforms, and she's just hopping across them. It might as well be hopscotch for her! The obstacle barely slows down most people who succeed on it, pretty much by design, but June makes it look effortless.
And then she's at the Warped Wall, where she at least pauses for a second to make it look like this might be a little intimidating for her.
"You know, sometimes, we run out of clever things to say, and you just gotta stand and say 'damn, they make it look easy.'"
"Just a tribute to the incredible athleticism we've seen from all of our Ninja Warrior competitors tonight, Matt. Just incredible. Look how quickly The Ginja Ninja flies across the Rib Run. Now that is how you do it. Keep your feet light, keep your knees up, and stay to the middle of the ribs."
"Absolutely, Akbar. Now we get to the last obstacle, the Warped Wall. This is twenty-five feet tall, more than five times The Ginja Ninja's height. She's looking at it like it's scaring her a little, and I can't blame her! If she hits this buzzer, she'll make Ninja Warrior history. The shortest person to ever conquer the Warped Wall!"
Spicy shouts her joy too, clapping and bouncing into place. "LET'S GO! Holy [censored on TV]!" a loud laugh "That was badass!"
The tiny little redhead, who to those who can see what she really looks like is an itty bitty little fluffball of a panda girl, looks up at the top of the warped wall for a second, gathering herself. Then she points a single finger up at the buzzer, braces herself, and starts running.
She's fast, even without using any of the powers she has at her disposal, and she has considerable speed when she reaches the wall and starts catapulting herself up it. Even despite that, for a moment, it seems like her size might just make the obstacle too much for her. Like they said, the wall is more than five times her own height.
But, in the end, she makes it. First one hand, then the other, grabs hold of the top lip of the Warped Wall and she hoists herself up, where she springs to her feet and slams the buzzer. Once that's done, she lifts her hands above her head in victory, pumps one first a couple of times, and turns to beam in the direction of the people in the stands she knows are watching.
Sigrun and the rest of the firefighters explode in celebration. Stuff is thrown in the air, hugs are given freely, much ado about the screaming and the shouting, the fist pumping, and the jumping up and down. This will make good B-Roll for the interstitials in the coming year. The only real tragedy about the whole thing is that there are no Cowboys fans in the vicinity to focus all the pent up Philadelphia energy into once blazing coal of purposeful loathing. The one, truly uniting thing Philadelphia has, that.
And then the firefighter Sigrun has in a headlock socks her arm to get free, and the moment of community is gone just like that. But not the shouting. That's going to stick around for a while. "GINJA! NINJA!" Bum. Bum. Bum bum bum.
"Absolutely incredible, Akbar! Ninja Warrior history has been made here tonight! The record for shortest competitor to ever conquer the Warped Wall has been broken! Just four foot ten inches tall, and the Ginja Ninja has beaten the Warped Wall. Let's look at a replay of that!"
While the fans in the stands are absolutely wailing, stomping their feet, cheering, they cut to a quick replay, slowing it down so the details of how it looked for a second like June wouldn't quite make it show up on the big screens around the sports complex and for the viewers at home.
"Just incredible. And she didn't even break a nail." The announcers call across, "How you feeling, June? Looking great!"
The scoreboard updates, showing June's face sliding into first place, her time above Spicy's.
"Absolutely intense love from the fans tonight for The Ginja Ninja, June Desrochers! Just love to see our first responders getting some well-deserved time off and enjoying the Ninja Warrior community."
"This is really the year for the rookies, isn't it? Next up, another Ninja rookie. Just one name for her, but it's enough. Artemis, The Goddess Ninja, another fan favorite, and you can easily see why!"
"Whew, I am a married man, so I hope my wife forgives me, Akbar. Beautiful and absolutely athletic."
"Settle down, Matt. It is fascinating, you see she's competing in a Greek tunic, too!"
"We really love those fantastic outfits here on American Ninja Warrior."
Rosalyn stepped up when announced, waving cheerfully and bouncing on the balls on her feet- all warmed up backstage and ready to compete. High high above, Agate glided on a thermal so she could keep an eye on the action.
"Great!" June calls back at the announcers with a laugh, and she gives them two thumbs up. "And now I've got to go celebrate with my partners!" And with one last wave, as the attention of the cameras, the fans, and the announcers rightfully shifts to Rosalyn, June scampers off to go jump up and down and squeal a bunch with her fam.
Sigrun excuses herself from the jubilant band of Philly's (actual) Finest, and jogs down towards the arena floor from the stands, grabbing Teagan along the way. Not only will this mean getting to congratulate June, but it will mean being able to cheer on Rosalyn away from the other firefighters, who would probably just be confused by it. "C'mon, we can see better from down there. Plus, June's coming this way!" Drag drag drag.
And lo, Teagan is dragged, willingly. The Mirrorskin is grinning, delighted.
"And here we have The Goddess Ninja prepping for her run!" The timer beeps down, and it's time for Rosalyn to start her run. "Akbar, I have to tell you, I love the cause that Artemis is advocating for today with her run. She's running for the EQUUS Foundation, which protects, rehabs, and re-homes horses. You may not know how tough life is out there for our equine friends, but it can be, and fortunately, the EQUUS Foundation is here to make it a little easier."
"That's right, Matt. They also provide opportunities for people with special needs through Equine Assisted Services. You just love to see the retired horses working with disabled folks, getting people out and into the fresh air."
"And air is exactly what Artemis is going to need if she's going to swing her way through the Silk Slider!"
Rosalyn took a moment before her run started to look around for the rest of the Changelings in attendance, and whispered quietly to herself- hiding her mouth with her hands for a moment so the cameras wouldn't catch it and lone let anyone read her lips. "I'll never let myself be controlled again. I'll face and embrace my fears here, and get through this course just like that fucking window and rose garden." Then flashed a heartstopping smile directly to the camera as she took off- light as a feather- and grabbed hold of the fabric to slide down. She timed her release carefully to land gracefully at the next platform.
More strangled than that segue is June after the hug Sigrun gives her. There is much celebration, indeed.
But when Rosalyn starts her run, Sigrun focuses on the exploits of the newest competitor. She doesn't have a sign for Rosalyn, sadly. (And, really, it would have been glittery with rainbows and unicorns, and their friendship doesn't need that strain.) But she DOES have loud and effusive cheering.
"RUN IT LIKE IT OWES YOU MONEY, ROS! [Bleep!] it up!" Sigrun hops up onto the wall between the stands and the arena itself so she can hoot and holler more audibly. Well. More audibly to Rosalyn, anyway.
"Oh, you love to see it, Matt, that winning smile for her fans before The Goddess Ninja starts her run. And she's swinging so smoothly through the Silk Slider, look at her balance!"
"So light on her feet, she lands that beautifully! And now she's on to the Log Roll, which took out The Hyena Ninja and really threw The Spicy Ninja for a loop earlier."
"The crowd really loves The Goddess Ninja, and who could blame them? Look at how smoothly Artemis handles these obstacles!"
Ros laughed when she caught Sigrun's voice out of the crowd, and tackled the log roll, muscles straining. She was surprisingly ripped for someone who gave an immediate first impression of loveliness that might break out into a narrative song, but she clung to the log like a bur and tumbled onto the next platform. Ros shook her head, trying to clear the dizziness before carrying on.
"Oooooh, and you can see the dizziness as The Goddess Ninja comes off of the Log Roll! It's such an intense obstacle that we've had one ninja fall on the next obstacle as a result."
Poor Laura. They replay her falling into the water here.
"But she makes it through, and on to Ring Chaser! What a competitor, Matt, look at how incredible her strength is. The crowd loves a beautiful, strong woman here in Philadelphia, and The Goddess Ninja lives up to her name!"
"No kidding, Akbar. An incredible performance so far, but now she comes to Ring Chaser!"
Rosalyn was dizzy but fought through it and practically flew down the bars ahead of the rolling ring. She snatched the ring firmly out of the air- how could she miss- and swung through the hooks of the second half of the challenge. She raised a fist in victory, her eyes lit up as she got more and more into the contest.
Back in the competitor's area, Artie has been watching excitedly and intermittently stretching just to keep loose. He's been fascinated by the motions and methods, but as he watches Rosalyn, somethibg catches his eye.
Any changelings in the tent can see Artie's already pale skin somehow blanch even further. He looks absolutely ashen, the molten light of his hot metal veins vanishes as his body runs cold. His eyes are rivited and yet he seems catatonic as memories of Arcadia lash his mind.
A single tear oozes down his face as he stands there, stricken.(edited)
Sigrun is still standing on the fence and howling as though Rosalyn were the moon. She pumps both fists into the air when Rosalyn clears the ring chaser. She enthuses about that by shaking the plexiglass on which she's perching. Wubbawubba!
"Watch her shake that off, what an amazing example of a ninja! See how she clears her head before going in to the Ring Chaser. That's smart, this is such a difficult combination. The one-two, Matt, of having to cling to that log roll and then go right into an obstacle which requires balance and precision like Ring Chaser? You really have to bring that A-Game."
"And bring it she does. Look at that fist raised in victory! Just an incredible performance here today from The Goddess Ninja, running for the EQUUS Foundation. I just love hearing about all of the causes that our Ninjas advocate for, it really brings home the richness and diversity of the Ninja Warrior community."
Ros didn't know her simple choice of putting her long metallic gold hair up into a ponytail for the competition had just crashed through Artie like a brick tossed through a stained glass window. She normally kept it down so the strands of soft gold didn't turn into a mess of kinked metal. Roses bloomed from her skin and burst with fresh buds through her ponytail as her emotions ran high, and framed the small phoenix tattoo near the base of her neck that was normally covered and she never even really thought of. She dashed across the ribs, leaving them swinging behind her, and immediately turned her attention to the the looming wall ahead.
Rosalyn didn't hesitate. She dashed off, tackling the enormous wall as if it were some obstacle in the deep Hedge, closing in on her. The Fairest was fast, and she caught the top of the wall with both hands and launched herself up and over the lip with the expectation that she was going to have to continue the fight or chase, and seemed somewhat startled that that was it. She breathed hard, and blinked in surprise at the camera following her there to the end.
"She makes it look easy! So light on her feet! Both The Goddess Ninja and The Ginja Ninja showing us how it is done!"
And of course, the crowd is absolutely going wild at this point. People are climbing on railings, signs are getting shaken in the air, Philly fans are acting like Philly fans watching one of their own do well. They just love it.
"You just love to see it. Quick across the Rib Run, knees high, keeping to the center of the run, and absolutely no delay. Just zip right across, because if you delay at all, you'll end up in the water."
"The Goddess Ninja does not, though, she is ready for the Warped Wall! Can she become our third finisher of the night?"
And before the announcer can finish asking the question? Rosalyn is up the wall.
"Hit the buzzer, Artemis! Hit the buzzer!" Matt calls, as she makes it to the top and looks stunned. "Finish your run!"
She smashed the buzzer at the reminder, blushing at having forgotten that simple mark of completion.
Sigrun goes on shaking the plexiglass to keep the warbling sound echoing across the field. Then she springs down before the security have to get photographed harassing a firefighter while reluctantly doing their jobs. She whistles shrilly, though, to make up for the lack of wall warbling.
"And it is a day for the ladies, Matt, as The Goddess Ninja finishes her run with a buzzer!"
The scoreboard flashes across the big screens in the stadium, Rosalyn's face and time sliding into second place and bumping Spicy down to third. "An incredible showing from The Goddess Ninja, that puts her in second place so far, Akbar, as we come to the close of Night One of Season Thirteen of American Ninja Warrior. Our current standings: The Ginja Ninja is still in first place, look at that incredible time, and I do want to remind you that she broke a Ninja Warrior record tonight as the shortest ninja ever to make it up the Warped Wall."
"That's right, Matt, and in second place currently, The Goddess Ninja, and in third, The Spicy Ninja. The Hyena Ninja is currently in fourth, even with her fall on the third obstacle, because depending where the rest of our Ninjas finish, she could move on to the finals."
"It really all depends on what happens tomorrow on... American Ninja Warrior!"
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