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Hey! It's been a while. 👋😷
How are you? 🙂
Finley, hello. It's always good to hear from you. I've been quite busy, apologies for not reaching out. How has your summer been treating you, with these shorter nights?
-C
It's okay! I'm sure you're really busy.
My summer has been okay. I hate the shorter nights, though! 😩 I feel like I'm wasting so much time!
I very much look forward to the autumn, I'll no longer have to rush as much to get to work.
-C
I'm glad you reached out, I have something I'd like to discuss with you. It has to do with me, and nothing you've done, no cause for worry. Would you like to meet soon?
-C
Autumn will be nice!
Oh? Yeah, we can meet. Is there somewhere you prefer?
I've been spending a significant amount of time in a research library of late, but my home is also open. Wherever you would feel more comfortable.
-C
If it's something private for you, your home works for me.
It's personal, yes, though it's highly unlikely we'll be disturbed in the library. But my home is open to you. The address follows.
-C
It's an address in Society Hill, of all places. Historical, and expensive.
Okay. I'll be there soon.
Somehow, Cian has managed to find a basement apartment in one of the historic brick houses that line the cobbled streets. There's a wrought iron gate next to the upper entryway, and steps that lead down to a solid wooden door. The one window is small, and barred with the same decorative wrought iron, and light shines dimly through semi-opaque curtains. Enough to let people know someone's home, but not enough to let them see inside.
There's a heartbeat, too, and Cian answers the door fully Blushed. His brown wool waistcoat has a light blue ticking stripe that matches the bit of floral cloth tied around his neck perfectly, and both his pants and shirt are linen, and slightly rumpled, as if he's been wearing them for a few hours. He smiles warmly at Finley, and gestures to welcome zhem inside.
"How have you been, it really has been an age, hasn't it?"
Finley is not Blushed, but is Prettied. Has Cian ever seen them like this...?? Probably not. Got a mask and zher usual oversized coat on, though.
"Hey! Um... I've been okay. Ups and downs..." Zher eyes crease fondly. "It's good to see you again."
Finley's unexpected Prettiness makes Cian start back, slightly, his smile turning a little hesitant. "You've...changed a bit, haven't you...?" It's clearly a rhetorical question, and his smile warms right back up.
"Come in, tell me all about it...?"
The main room of the apartment is decently sized, room enough for a small, two-cushion couch and a kitchen table set back in the corner by the half-wall that separates the kitchen from the rest of the space. And bookshelves - dark wood built ins, lining most of the walls, full of books. There's books in piles on the floor too, and on the coffee table in front of the couch. On a side table and covering the limited counterspace in the otherwise clearly unused kitchen, and stacked on the kitchen table. Mostly history books, of course, with a variety of eras and subjects. There's a significant amount of other sorts of nonfiction, too. The bookcase directly in front of the couch (it's really more of a loveseat) is missing a few shelves, just enough room for a small flat screen television. A modern touch to the historical accents in the place, though the setup is simple.
Cian shifts a stack of books next to the couch and pulls a chair from the kitchen table over, sitting down in it and offering the couch to Finley.
"Apologies for the mess. I have more books than room to put them."
Finley hesitates, warmth in zher eyes faltering a moment. "Oh--um, yeah, I guess so... Technically I've been like this since I met you, just... I don't... usually choose to look like this..."
They follow him down into the apartment, peering around curiously. "No, no--it's nice! I like your apartment."
"If you're choosing to look like this, something has changed though, yes?" Cian sits back and lets Finley look around the place.
While the books on the floor and tables are stacked in piles vaguely by subject, the ones on the bookcases are organized by category, and then alphabetically by author. There's an entire case devoted to queer history and theory, and another full of fiction - romances, a shelf of erotica. Still another case has art books, a visual component to the thousands and thousands of words that fill the flat.
"I don't mean to pry," he says after a moment. "I have no issue if you'd rather not discuss it."
"I'm just... going through... a lot of self reflection," Finley replies after a thoughtful pause. "Trying to... become more comfortable with my body. More in... control of it. And in control of my actions." Zhe reaches up to remove the mask, tucking it into a pocket. They pause to blink at the erotica collection, but then moves to sit on the loveseat. "What was it you wanted to talk about?"
"Ah - tangentially related. A it. I suppose. I..." Cian sighs. "I don't recall how much I've told you, about my life before I came here." He's honestly been quite vague, about it all. Mentions of Boston, of sailing, of time before Boston. Very little of anything concrete.
Finley looks at him curiously. "You... haven't said much..."
"I've led you to believe I'm something of an elder - born in Ireland, traveled to the States at some point. Yes?" Cian's heartbeat quickens as he worries one of the cuffs on his shirt rather than look at his fellow Kindred.
Confusion flits over Finley's face as they stare. "Um... Yes...?"
"I'm not." Cian drops the words like hammers into the otherwise quiet space. "Not an elder, not born..." he waves the words away. "I'm not, is all. I have much less experience than I've led...well, everyone, to believe, I...apologize for deceiving you."
Finley doesn't immediately reply. Just... stares... looking increasingly confused.
"...Okay," zhe finally says, brows creasing. "Why?"
"It...seemed the safest way to approach an unfamiliar city, at the time. Boston...is not kind to its neonates, and I'd made up my mind to remake myself, anyway. Distance myself as much as possible from my sire, and her legacy. I wanted the opportunity to learn Philadelphia without needing to claw my way through people to get somewhere."
There's a beat, and Cian shakes his head. "I've since learned that this is a city in which one can be oneself without fear of losing anyone's respect. It does not have a good reputation, elsewhere, and yet...it is still assumed that things are done similarly here as in more traditional All Night Societies."
Finley's frown deepens, watching him quietly for a moment. "That... was kind of a bad idea. No offense..."
"Had I shown up in a place like Boston, as a neonate, I'd have been crushed. Eaten alive, no chance to make my way in the world unless I became as soulless as the elders who run the place." Cian's voice is bitter, like he's speaking from experience. "One is left alone, given a measure of respect and space, arriving there as an elder. It was all I knew, how was I to think that any place would be different? It's cutthroat in the worst ways, and I'm told there are many other cities like it. They all call Philadelphia soft, and claim it's only a matter of time before someone who really knows how to run things shows the Sakima the door. I know now just how much it was merely talk. I didn't, then."
"I guess... there's not really any way for me to understand your decision," Finley says after a moment. "I'll take your word for it, though. I'm... glad you no longer feel the need to hide who you are."
"I became accustomed to hiding, in Boston. Flying under the radar, as it were, while I tried to plan my escape." Cian scoffs quietly, and shakes his head. "It sounds much more dramatic than it really is, saying it like that. But...I think you might understand the sentiment there, at least. I was bonded with my sire for fifteen years." His voice gets soft here, and he grimaces after he speaks. "It's how things are done, there. I've told Phaedra she wouldn't survive there, I doubt you would, either. I managed to escape before the place consumed me, I...still wonder if I waited too long, sometimes."
Finley looks aside at that, frowning deeply. Another pause, longer this time. "Yeah. I probably wouldn't."
"You wouldn't want to." Cian seems pretty certain about this, at least. "Philadelphia is a rare thing, the freedom that's allowed...it very much seems too good to be true for those who are unfamiliar with it."
He straightens a stack of books. "Again, I...I'm sorry. There is still a part of me that thinks I shouldn't be telling anyone about this. I'm working to fight that voice."
"I'm glad you told me now, at least. I can't say I'm not... disappointed, but... I guess I get why you did it." Finley nods faintly.
Finley mostly seems disappointed that Cian didn't trust them with the secret sooner, probably because Finley has gone through a similarly traumatic situation.
"I...I didn't plan on telling anyone. Ever. I'd planned to sort of...flit around, from city to city, never staying too long, it...I hadn't planned on making any connections, I didn't...trust that it was different, here. I'm sorry I waited so long, we..." Cian swallows, shifting suddenly his his chair to stare at the ceiling as he lets out a sharp breath. "We have a similar story. I'll tell you mine, if you'd like. All of it, I...I know it doesn't make up for much."
"I don't want you to tell me your story because you feel like you owe me anything," Finley replies, shaking their head. "It's okay, Cian. Really."
There are few moments of silence, as Cian swallows again and attempts to regain his composure. "You deserve the truth, don't you? I should have known things were different here when we first met. Kindred like your sire...would have been left to their own devices in Boston, with maybe a slap on the wrist if the kidnappings made the news too many times in a row." He scoffs bitterly. "And instead, my offhand comment led to your rescue."
Finley smiles weakly. "What I deserve doesn't really... matter. It's your story. If you want to tell me, you can." Zhe rubs their arm slowly. "It's really okay, Cian. I don't blame you for being scared."
"I've lied to you, and disappointed you, and I want to fix that." Cian's voice is quiet, and he still can't bring himself to look at Finley. He twines his fingers together in his lap. "But I suppose it's not really up to me."
"If it will make you feel better, then tell me." Finley nods.
"That's..." Cian shakes his head. "I want to repair the trust I've broken, this is about your comfort, not mine."
"Cian..." Zhe frowns deeper. "I don't want your trauma to be used as a bandage. I forgive you, okay?"
"I didn't intend for it to be, I only..." He matches their frown. "I'm not sure what I intend for it to be. Concrete evidence that we have more in common than I'd ever let on, I suppose. I've tried to remake myself to escape what she tried to make of me, is...that what you've done, too? In your own way?"
"Sort of, I guess..." Zhe looks down. "I don't think there's any way for me to... not be what he made me. Completely. But I can... make different decisions. Be better. Still be... that but... a different version of it. That is good." A beat pause. "I guess that's why I joined the Ordo, too. To... change myself. From what he made me."
"That's precisely why I left them," Cian says with a bit of a chuckle. "It was what was expected of me, and it all seems to remind me of her, and what she did. I never managed to develop any sort of feelings about it, apart from the disgust I associate with her."
Finley hesitates, but then nods slowly. "That makes sense. There are times I feel uncomfortable, doing what I do, because it reminds me of him. But... I do it for my own reasons. To make myself better. Not... what he thought was better. That makes all the difference, for me."
It's Cian's turn to hesitate. "I've...never thought about it quite like that. Sort of spitting in the face of what he did by taking it and making it your own, yes?"
Finley bobs their head, smiling. "Yeah. That's kind of what I feel like."
"Hm." Cian nods. "What...is your favorite part, about the Dragons? Like I said I...spent more of my time trying to get away from them, I have really no idea what they're like outside of Boston."
"Oh. Um..." Finley considers a moment, leaning back a bit as zhe thinks. "I think its... the acceptance, and appreciation for what I do. Like... people at work appreciate what I do, in a way--but it's... a job. But with the Dragons, my studies are... wanted. And valued. I'm not just seen as some... weirdo with a fascination for blood and who loves science too much."
"That's understandable." More nodding. "It's...I mean, you can see my passion for what I do. Even at work, there are those who think I'm a weirdo for the amount of time I spend researching the things we talk about. I don't know that the Dragons would particularly care about the work I do, in that capacity..."
"I dunno. There's people among the Dragons who study the past, too. But I suppose their studies do have a more... occult aim."
"I've managed to find the occult without even looking..." Cian sighs and leans back in his chair. "I have a collection of journals from an ancestor, a grandfather a few greats back, I happened to show them to Phaedra during a tutoring session and she's convinced that at some point, he was Embraced. Not something I'd ever had an inkling of."
"Huh... That's kinda cool, though." Zher head tilts. "I wonder if he's still around. Or if he has childer..."
"No idea. I don't...I have no idea how I'd even find him, all of the history I've been able to find has him very dead, in a cemetery outside of Galway. I've visited it..." Cian shrugs. "I know that doesn't mean very much, for all of us. I'm not sure he'd want a descendant to track him down, if he's hid his tracks for this long."
"I understand. I was more just... thinking aloud, more than... expecting you to do much. It is very interesting, though." They smile.
"I've been...trying not to make it into a personal project. But I have thought the same things," Cian gestures to zhem. "It opens up so many questions, I re-read everything in an entirely new light, and picked out pieces I'd never even considered before. And this is from journals that I can recite from memory." He chuckles quietly. "I feel so much closer to him, for better or worse."
Finley smiles wider. "That sounds really nice. Even if it stays a memory, maybe it will give you some comfort."
"It certainly has. Most of his writing is from before he was Embraced, and the human-ness of it all really really comes through. It helps remind me of my own humanity, when I need that reminder." Cian offers Finley a small smile. "How has your journey been, with that?"
Their head tilts. "If most of it is from before he was embraced, what makes you think he was?"
The mention of zher journey makes Finley grimace and look away, frowning. "...Not very well. Ups and downs. But... getting... a little better, maybe."
Cian matches Finley's frown, obviously a little concerned, and he leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "I'm...sorry to hear you've been struggling, I know it's been difficult. Is there anything I can do to help?"
Finley considers for a moment, then shakes zher head slowly. "No... I don't think so. I've been working on it. Doing a lot of meditation and... reflection. I feel myself getting better, but--it's still... hard."
"Of course. It's good that you're seeing progress, at least, there's nothing worse than pouring your energy into something if you can't feel that change." Cian chuckles.
"Yeah." Zhe puffs out a breath, then smiles back to him softly. "I really do appreciate you telling me the truth, Cian... Has there been anything else going on with you?"
He huffs out a breath and sits back again. "I've been spending time with Phaedra, as I mentioned. Tutoring and also..." he gestures vaguely, "spending time. I was...mmm. Involved, I suppose the word is, with someone in The First Estate." The thought seems to sober him slightly, and he shifts his gaze to his bookshelves for a few moments. "Building connections here, is what I've spent my time with, for the most part. For better or worse."
"Spending time as in...?" Finley blinks in surprise, but then sobers, looking at him sadly. "Oh. I'm sorry..."
"Spending - oh, oh no, we've - no." A flush colors Cian's face, and he shakes his head. "We've just become...friends, as well as someone I teach history to, if that makes sense. The other...it is what it is. I think it becomes difficult to change one's nature, as one ages. Perhaps we'll meet again, eventually." He seems...distant, as he talks about whatever this relationship with an Invictus might have been.
"Sorry," Finley murmurs, looking embarrassed now.
Zhe watches him for a moment, then nods slowly. "I've never experienced a break up, but I imagine they are... hard. Are you okay? Um. Do you want a hug?"
"It..." Cian takes a slow breath. "He didn't so much break up with me, he returned to torpor. I found out through the cacophony, of all places." Boy is that a bitter smile. "It is something of a break up in and of itself though, yes. Perhaps a little more complicated. It's possible he will have every intention of continuing our relationship when he decides to wake. I have no idea." He manages to keep the waver out of his voice, as he speaks.
Mostly.
"A hug would be...yes." He holds an arm out.
"I... think if he wanted to continue a relationship when he woke up, that... he would tell you. So you would expect it and that you could wait." Finley grimaces. "It sounds like he just... didn't want to deal with the... awkwardness... or telling you. Or... maybe torpor came upon him too suddenly for him to be able to make arrangements. I dunno..."
Finley stands and steps over, wrapping zher arms around him to give a vigor powered hug.
"I'm not sure what happened. Only that he's returned to torpor. He rarely spends long awake, I...I probably should have expected it sooner or later, to be honest." His voice wobbles, and he exhales shakily. He doesn't have the vigor to hug Finley back as tightly, but he holds onto them anyway.
"Thank you - I feel ridiculous about this -"
"There's no reason to feel ridiculous. You lost someone who... you cared for and--it sounds like--made you feel special. I... I dunno what I'd do, if Phaedra just--left. Like that."
"I'm not sure what I'd do if she left like that, either." Cian lets out a watery sort of chuckle. "I like to think she's the kind of person who'd tell both of us, before that."
"She would, if she could," Finley agrees with a nod, still hugging.
Cian sighs, and drops his head on zher shoulder. "I know. She was the first person to call me on my bluff, you know. She came right out and said it the first time we met, once we were out of hearing of anyone else."
Zhe grins. "I am not at all surprised."
"Knowing her as well as I do now, I'm not either." Cian gives Finley one more tight squeeze before he finally pulls away, quickly swiping at his face with his sleeve. "Both in the way she made her disbelief known and in the way she allowed me - and has continued to allow me - to tell people in my own time. She hasn't 'outed' me, as it were. More kindness than I think I deserve, sometimes."
Zher head shakes. "I think you deserve it, Cian."
"There seem to be a few of you who do." Cian smiles. "There's a kind of...reciprocity here. In Philly, amongst Kindred, that I've not experienced. Everyone looks after one another, I'm still getting used to it. Wondering when the veneer is going to be ripped away. But the truth sinks in a little more every time someone says something like that." He reaches out to rest a hand on Finley's knee, just for a moment, before he pulls back. "Thank you."
The touch to zher knee makes Finley flinch, just slightly, but their smile only wavers a little. "You're welcome. I... can't image anything different, now. I'm glad it's different here."
At the flinch, Cian pulls his hand back quickly, wincing in sympathy. "Oh Christ I'm sorry -"
"It's okay," Finley assures, hands lifting. "You didn't mean anything, I know."
Cian rests his hands in his lap. "I should have asked first, even if I didn't mean anything by it. I'm glad it's different here, too. I don't know if I could have dealt with yet another Boston."
"Well... just stay. Here." Zhe smiles again. "And you won't have to worry about it again. You can just be happy."
"I have no plans to leave, right now. One might say Philadelphia will make me soft, and I have no issue with that." Cian chuckles.
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