Logs:Gentryfication: Love and Duty

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Content Warning

Part of the Plot: Gentryfication.

Cast

Mearcstapa, Lux

Setting

Streets outside of a diner, Mearc's apartment

Log

Lux rushes out of the diner, looking around quickly for signs of the freckled Hunterheart. Their face falls when they see no sign of him, their energy seeming to get knocked out of them all at once. For a few seconds they just stand there, then tuck their hands into their hoodie pockets and start walking away down the sidewalk.

There is silence. And then, after a minute or so of walking, and the diner has faded from view, there is the sound of footsteps behind Lux, as Mearc returns into tangible, visible space from Light-Shy.

The sudden footsteps makes them slow to a stop, glancing over their shoulder. When they see the glowing freckles Lux wheels around, frowning deeply but unsure what to say immediately.

"What a mess we've made, huh?" His voice is low, and his freckles still a mix of red and green, and there's something on his face that's shaped like a smile, but with no depth to it. His hands are in his pockets--but it's a chilly night, so it could just be the cold.

Lux grimaces. "I've made." They look down at the sidewalk between them. "...I've missed you."

"We've made." He repeats himself, though without any force to it.

"This isn't your fault, Mearcstapa... I'm the one who broke my word."

"I asked more of you than was my right to." He shakes his head. "Let's keep walking. Jack's waiting up for you, I'm sure. Quite possibly drinking while he does, due to the stress of that encounter. You'll want to catch him before he falls asleep and make him drink water."

Lux's mouth opens, then closes, hands burying further into their hoodie pockets. "Yeah. Probably right." They chew at their lower lip a moment, then turn, taking a step then waiting for him to catch up before continuing at a slow pace. "How... are you..?"

"Staying busy. It's not hard, there's plenty that needs to be taken care of." It's an opaque sort of answer, and perhaps self-mocking.

"Is there anything I can help with?" they ask softly, looking sideways towards him.

"Uncertain." A few steps in silence. "Things are complicated, now."

"Complicated as in... you don't know if I can help you, or... you don't know if you want me to?"

"I don't know if there will be additional repercussions to me seeking help from you directly, given the problems I am currently juggling."

"I want to help you, Mearcstapa. I need--" They cut off and swallow. "Please. Let me help you."

Mearc doesn't respond right away, and when he does, it seems to be a subject change. "Sturm looked after you?"

"Yeah. She did. It helped, a little." Their head dips, eyes on the sidewalk as they walk. "Thanks for the candy."

"I didn't want to tell her to bring sour skittles. She joked that what I told her to bring instead was fitting, given me and Jack."

Lux thinks for a moment, then lets out a soft snort. "Yeah. Guess she has a point."

"I didn't tell her about sour skittles for the same reason you didn't want me to use neon ropes with anyone else." Mearc's looking out at the street when he says this, not at Lux's face.

That catches Lux off guard. They fall quiet for a few seconds before gathering the willpower to look back at Mearcstapa, trying to read his face.

Oh, what it is to know and be known. Mearc's trying hard to be opaque here, but Lux sees through all the layers. They see how his freckles are reddened and how his posture is tense. And how he's walking on the street side, like a gentleman, and how their footsteps are matching pace. Mearc is trying so hard to keep everything contained in himself, but there's a part of him that is full of yearning, aching to reach out and grab ahold of Lux and tell them everything will be alright.

He's still in love. Deeply in love, and deeply in pain.

Lux's breath catches, blinking rapidly as the first hint of tears catch the light of their eyes. They stop walking, and before they can take the time second guess the decision Lux turns on their heel and grabs Mearc by the shoulders, trying to yank him in for a tight hug.

But they'll let him slip from their grip, if he attempts to.

Mearc doesn't try, but nor does he hug back. He just...stands there. Allowing himself to be hugged and putting nothing in.

Meanwhile Lux is wrapping him up tightly in their arms, fingers curling to grip at his jacket, pressing their face into his shoulder for a moment. "I love you," they murmur softly. "If it takes every day of my life to make it up to you, I will. I'll never give up. You're worth that and so much more, Mearcstapa."

"Don't try to make promises right now, about what you'll do for the rest of your life." But the tone of his voice is, oddly, gentle there. No harsh edges, no Implications.

"I don't need the Wyrd to seal it. I don't even need you to believe it. This is my life, my choice, and..." Lux is quiet a moment, breathing in a deep breath. "And I will keep choosing you, every day, and every night."

"The last time you said something like that to me, you were down on one knee." He lets out an empty little laugh.

Lux goes completely still as that realization smacks them in the face. "...I, uh... ...I guess I was, yeah..."

"What a mess we've made." Mearc finally shrugs his way out of the hug. "Lux, you understand why it's best the rest of the 'hold reads this as a lover's spat, right? Some small betrayal of my love, instead of what really happened, right? Let them focus on my heartbreak, instead of on what really led to that lie."

Lux lets him slip away reluctantly, rubbing at their arm a moment before they stuff their hands into their hoodie pockets. "...Yeah. I understand that." They take a deep breath. "No one can know about... that."

"And I'm not going to expose it, or you. I will not put you in danger for the sake of my feelings or my reputation."

"Thanks," they murmur, glancing down the street left and right. "How are you planning on going through with your part of the investigation?"

"I already have, and am moving on to my next task in all of this." He tucks his hands back in his pockets. "Coordinating with Sturm."

"Oh." There's a flicker of disappointment, but they nod, then start walking at a slow pace again. "Good then."

"Of course. There's information I haven't shared with her yet. But I know it." One hand comes out of his pocket, drawing a circle, or maybe a spiral in mid-air. "I'm not sure...if I should. It could lead to further complications. But. So."

Their lips purse a little, glancing to the side, then back at him. "We should find somewhere a little more secure to talk."

"Your place? Mine?" Mearc tilts his head to one side. "Actually, I trust mine more, sorry. Mind if I get a Lyft?"

"Yeah, your place works. I'll text Jack to let him know I'm okay and will be a bit longer." They pull out their phone to tap at.

"Tell him to drink water or I will glare at him so hard next time I see him..." As Mearc pulls out his own phone to flag the Lyft.

They huff softly as they type. "Will do."

Shortly after, the pair arrive at Mearc's apartment. It looks exactly the same; nothing much has changed in any way, except for the two of them.

"Shoes off by the door." The request is rote, almost ritual by this point.

Lux nods, pausing to slip them off and tuck them up against the wall. They step further into the apartment, pausing to stare around a moment before running a hand over their head, letting out a long breath.

"Kitchen or living room?" His freckles are almost pure green at this point.

Lux hesitates, then moves over to sit down on one end of the couch--giving plenty of room for Mearc to sit at whatever distance he wants. They look up at him. "I'm going to tell you as much as I can. Because you deserve the information, and because I think you're one of the best people to help figure this out. This isn't just me trying to make things up to you, to be clear. This isn't a purely emotional decision. Okay?"

"Good. The context and the openness. But don't break any other standing oaths in the process. Please. I realize now that I accidentally caught you in a bind between love and duty. And that's why it's my mess as well. That's the mistake I made, in Sealing that promise." Mearc doesn't sit, standing in front of the couch, at a polite distance.

Lux hesitates a moment, then sighs. "Trying to wrestle blame from each other isn't going to help. So... I'll accept that, even if I don't... really believe it." Lux rubs at their neck a moment, then looks back up at him. "I know whoever is behind this is in the Freehold. But Robin isn't my only suspect." They frown deeply. "I... am more than a little suspicious about Marjorie."

"Tell me more." He clasps his hands behind his back, watching Lux with an eerie stillness, his mantle flaring up in a loud rustling.

"There's a lot of evidence that points to Robin doing this." Their brows crease. "Asbolus found files in her office that were labeled 'Dream-Catcher' and there was the list of locations there. That's how all this started, weeks ago. Marjorie mentioned she was having the dreams, described a dream-catcher, and I mentioned it to her. Mentioned the files. She was... upset. Seemed upset. Was going on about how Robin didn't tell her about it. She told me to investigate Robin to see what is going on. So--I looked into City Hall to get that information--I gave you all that information I found. I didn't hide anything."

Their hands spread. "I don't think that the Radio can be hacked, Mearcstapa." Lux doesn't come out and say Robin is a DJ--plausible deniability, maybe--but they seem to trust that he's smart enough to figure that out. "Which makes using it for this a stupid decision if you're trying to hide something. The DJs are secret, but Marjorie knows who they are... And supposedly she doesn't have access to the radio, but... She's the fucking Queen of Winter. I'm not going to put anything past her."

"And we both know Robin has the resources to do this. But... I find it really hard to believe that Robin would just--expose herself like this, if she was trying to hide this. She's smarter than that. I--hope she's smarter then this, anyway..." Their brows crease. "I talked to Marjorie, right before we met Ari and Lumi. Told her about what happened on the Radio. She was... desperate. Kept saying she needed me to look into this--needed me to investigate Robin. It was kind of weird. She's put me in charge of investigating Robin. But why me? Why not Lumi or Izzy? I don't know. Maybe she thinks I'm dumb enough to believe in the evidence that's been slapped in front of my nose."

"...Or maybe it really is Robin and she's more of an idiot than I want to give her credit for."

"Okay. There's a few things going on here. First: on the matter of the radio being hacked, it might be two DJs with similar tokens--but the one who broke into the broadcast, the second message? They'd likely have been someone more experienced with the use of that token than the first." This comment is paired with a Significant Glance.

"Second, I was given a piece of advice today: 'Follow Winter's directions so long as they make sense. If they ever stop making sense, follow what your fear tells you.' No points for guessing what court the person who gave me that advice is, but that's...it sounds like what you're dealing with is a clear example of exactly that."

The idea of two radios makes them frown, brows creasing--that's not a thought they've had, it seems. "...Not sure how much experience Marjorie may or may not have with the Radio, but... I'd lean on assuming she does, over she doesn't." Lux rubs a hand over their face, eyes closing a moment. "What would you do, if you were in my shoes?"

Mearc finally relaxes his stance. "I don't know. Right now, what I want to ask you is this: can I share all the information I have with Sturm?"

"Yeah. She knows everything I know." A beat. "Except the DJ stuff."

"That's...the relevant part."

Lux sighs. "Can you tell her what you know without insinuating that I'm a DJ?"

"Probably. But I think...for her to know how you're being leveraged by Marjorie is important to understanding the situation as a whole. Because here's the thing about Marjorie you may have lost track of here: she's a Notary. She's uniquely positioned to make use of oaths and pledges. There may be others wrapped up into this by promises they've made her, of one form or another."

"I don't have an oath with Marjorie to look into this--nothing was sealed or sworn--just.... responsibility." They shrug. "She knows that, though. I told her about Marjorie putting me in charge of investigating Robin." Lux licks their lips, nodding. "I actually know that she's a Notary. That was actually another thought I had. Have you realized that the Freehold Oath has been written with a loop hole to allow this?"

"What do you mean?" His attention intensifies.

Lux stares back at him with laser focus, reciting a law: "The Right to Dream Free. All have the right to dream free. No Lost shall willfully twist the dreams of another without their consent. Destroying the dreams of a mortal is a capital offense." A beat pause. "It's cleverly worded. Destroying the dreams of a mortal won't break the Oath. It doesn't say you can't do it. Just that it's a capital offense... if you're found out."

Mearc's hand lifts to cover his mouth as he lets out a soft 'fuck'.

"That's...that has to be deliberate."

Lux nods in agreement. "There's no way it's just a coincidence. But... while the Monarchs make the laws... that doesn't mean they don't have input from others. It doesn't exactly prove that Marjorie is behind this--but I think it's enough to prove someone in the Freehold is. Someone with power." They sigh. "Do you think you could ask Ari who proposed that law? If Robin had any input at all? It might help."

"I was actually considering running it up the chain within Autumn, but you're right that Ari might be a better choice." He rakes a hand back through his hair, beginning to pace the length of the living room slowly.

"If you think Autumn are better for asking that, I trust your judgement, Mearcstapa. Just thought you'd be best to ask that of Ari, since you know them better." They lean forward enough to rest their arms on their knees, watching him pace.

"Have you been thought through all the implications of if it is Robin, yet? Sturm...approached it, on the group chat."

"...Yeah." Their lips purse tightly. "It puts a lot of people in the Freehold in danger."

"That's part of the aspect of the matter than I'm currently in the process of figuring out how best to deal with." He hasn't stopped pacing.

"Yeah. It's a big fucking anxiety and I feel like I fucking..." Their head shakes. "I feel like I'm carrying this huge ass balloon that is about to burst and if I make the wrong step it's going to all explode and everyone will get hurt and it'll be my fault." Their shoulders slump. "Which... isn't an excuse for what I did. I know it's not. Just... It fucking sucks. I don't know what to do--I don't know if I should continue investigating Robin, and if I do and she finds me breaking into her office or stalking her--what she could do, or if I should just talk to her about it."

Mearc thinks. "I can't help but wonder if that conversation could be framed usefully. 'Hey, what was that about, busting into my broadcast to do that thing? That kinda wasn't cool.' Play up the dumb flighty naive thing. New to Winter, new to the role, not sure if that's how things are done...hm?"

Lux grimaces. "I wasn't the one broadcasting when it happened. I stopped just before that happened." Their phone pings. They pull it out to poke at, lips pursing at the screen.

"Huh." He nods quietly. "Still, that could be...mmm. Quite possibly the most terrible game of verbal chess I've ever thought of."

And then he looks toward their phone. "Jack?"

"No. Sturm." They rub at their face, eyes closing. "I guess I could play off naive and ask her how she did it? Like--how she made the voice sound different. Because I don't actually know how to do that."

"The voice being different might be a sign it's a token from a different maker or a different city. What does Sturm have to say?"

"She says she's asked for a meeting with Marjorie. To ask questions," they sound annoyed.

"...oh." He reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Confident, isn't she?"

"I've pretty much begged her to slow down and give me a chance to do something about Robin before moving forward with more plans, but apparently she can't fucking wait a few days."

"Lumi put her in charge." Mearcstapa's freckles shift greener.

That makes Lux flinch, looking away to the side. They don't say anything.

Mearc also doesn't say anything, letting the silence stretch, watching Lux.

Lux slips the phone away into their pocket after a few more seconds. "Well. You know everything I know now."

"Great. Now to figure out what to do with everything I know." He takes a deep breath, then lets it out slooooowly.

"Yeah. I'll let you know how how things go with Robin." They sit there quietly for a moment, then push up to their feet. "I imagine you're not ready to talk about anything else right now?"

"Would you choose your duty again?" He doesn't look at Lux as he asks that question.

Lux goes still, staring at the floor beside Mearc's feet for a long moment. They frown sadly, eyelids drooping. "...No."

"Ah." He sounds disappointed.

Lux huffs out a breath that sounds almost like a sob. "Of course."

That wretched, quiet sound makes Mearcstapa flinch. He looks toward them. "Of course?"

"Of course I make the wrong decision." Their head shakes.

"It's not a function of rectitude. Not really. There are no right or wrong answers. There is no simple truth. I..." He sighs, seeming to deflate, shoulders rounding. "...nevermind."

"No. No nevermind. Please." They give him a desperate look. "I need to understand, Mearcstapa. Would you have wanted me to do what I did, if I could go back and change it?"

"I've been trying to make you understand. You should never have been in that position in the first place. What I asked of you, the promise I demanded, it was unreasonable. You're Winter, and you're loyal to your Court and to your Freehold and to your duty, and I admire that about you. And by binding you to the promise I did, I was asking you to be a worse Winter." He shakes his head. "I suppose...in an ideal world, you might have asked me to release the Sealing, in the name of Court secrets. I would have, in that moment. I was a Winter, too, remember."

Lux considers that for a moment, watching him. "...Maybe I would have done that. I--I like to think I would have, had the foresight to do that, if I'd had the chance. I just... I thought I could keep you away from this. I didn't think I'd have to lie to you, Mearcstapa... I thought I could keep it separate enough that it would be okay. And if it came up I could just--tell you I couldn't talk about it. That's... what I wanted. If I could go back and change things... I would. I'd have just not said anything in that group chat, instead of panicking. Then I'd have talked to you in private and we could've figured things out from there. I... I guess that means I would have tried to choose both. Love and duty."

"I see." He nods quietly. "Thank you for that answer."

Lux nods faintly, then rubs the back of their neck. "But it's not that simple. You're still in pain."

"The pain is better than the numb. I had a few days of that." He holds a hand over his heart. "It scared me, because...I didn't know if the numbness meant it was all fake, some how. Like the feelings were...manufactured. They're not, though. And it hurts like hell."

"...I... I have that you're in pain, but..." They grimace. "If that's the alternative... I'm glad you're not numb." They rub at their eyes quickly with the back of their hand. "Can we... move forward from this?"

"I think so. Eventually. Maybe. I need to figure it out, still. What moving forward looks like." He watches Lux. "I'm sorry. I know it's not easy."

Lux nods slowly. Clearly pained, but accepting. They blink a few times to try to clear away tears, then rub at their eyes again. Their eyes are dryish when they look back at Mearcstapa. "Do you think we could... start over? Go on a date. Take things slow. Relearn how to be together, as we are now? Or... do you think we just... need to be just friends for a while first?"

"Lux, you are absolute shit at taking anything slow." And as he says this, there's a smile. It might even be a real smile.

"I am. But I can force myself to slow down for you. You're worth it," they says softly.

"I like who you are. Please, don't change yourself because you feel like you owe it to me."

"I'm not... that's not what I mean." Lux grimaces. "I'm not offering to change myself. Just--show you more of myself. As much as I can. Open, raw, uncomfortable--all of it." Their hands spread. "I can't hide who I am like this, Mearcstapa. Everyone can see that I'm a liar. This is the ugly truth of me, and it's yours to pick apart. Then you can decide if it's what you want."

Mearcstapa stares for a long moment at Lux's chest, as if trying to peer through their clothes and their scar into their glowing heart, then glances off to one side.

Lux's hands slowly drop back to their sides as the silence stretches on. "...You don't have to decide right now. Just... think about it."

"I will think about it." He nods.

They nod slowly, watching him tiredly for a moment before forcing themself to look away. They turn to head for the door, grabbing their shoes to slip on.

"Text me when you get home. So I know you made it safe. Please."

"Sure," they murmur, standing once the shoes are on. They can't bring themself to look back at him--but their voice isn't cold. "Thanks. For being willing to... talk to me, at least. Goodnight." They open the door and slip out.