Logs:Highly Recommended

From From Dusk till Jawn
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Content Warning

Lost memories, discussions of childbirth, abuse, and murder

Cast

Sturm and Teagan

Setting

Downtime, the Direct Action Hollow

Log

Downtime is a lot more crowded right now, because it's got a big, big dog in it. Oso doesn't want to be separated from Teagan - and the feeling is mutual. They're talking to the big dog in Spanish, probably the most anyone has ever heard Teagan speak in their native language. They've sort of walled off that part of themself for so long, and now it's all tumbled out and made a mess.

Sturm's just come off of a great conversation with Mearc, and she's picked up six Changelings worth of assorted pastries to choose from, and a cup of coffee for Teagan. It's getting juuuust a little too hot for jackets, so Sturm's guns are on full display when she steps into Downtime. She kicks off her boots by the door, setting her spoils down outside the cuddle pit before leaning down to steal a kiss from Teagan.

"Hey." Wild that she sounds like she's grumbling even when she's obviously content.

They're in their sleep clothes, a tank top and sleep pants, and with the dog curled up behind them, they're leaning back on him, murmuring softly. When Sturm arrives, though, they switch back to English. The corners of their eyes crinkle up a little bit, and there's the smallest smile as they return her kiss. "Hello, doll. What sweets did you choose for me? I mean other than that kiss?"

"Grabbed a bunch of stuff - a cinnamon roll, adozen muffins, a dozen cupcakes, some mini cannolis, and more. I figured that if I just got one of everything on the menu, you could pick what you wanted by sight and then the rest of the Motley could just clean up whatever was left." She scratches the buzzed section of her hair, climbing down into the pit, and then passing Teagan their coffee. "May have overdone it, but. It all looked good and I couldn't decide, either."

She fixes Oso 2 (Doso, if you will) with a quirked brow. "Everything been okay since this afternoon? With the pup, I mean?"(edited)

They press a kiss to the corner of her mouth, then crawl over to where the box was left. They snatch up the cinnamon roll and a mini cannoli, shoving the latter in their mouth before scooting over to lean against Oso again. "It'll all get eaten. Sigrun will just be like 'oh wow Teagan ate something that isn't a cheesesteak.'" They hold their hand up so Oso can lick the crumbs off their hand while they take a bite of the cinnamon roll. "This reminds me of one of our friends from Miami. I think I told you about her. I called her Cinnamon Roll."

A little sigh. "Oh, he's fine. He's just my dog, who I killed a man over and who I thought had died over a hundred years ago, changed forever by the Hedge and sold to Trolls, but hey, he's alive!" Another bite of cinnamon roll, and they smear glaze on their cheek accidentally. "And of course there's more."

There's a chuckle from Sturm as she tries to get situated. "Yeah. The other day I brought Sig dinner - to make sure she was eating - and she said "for the love of God, bring me anything but a cheesesteak" when I asked what she was interested in."

She reaches over to the pup - offering her hand so it can be sniffed - and giving Oso a little pat on the head before she settles in near Teagan, nudging them gently with her shoulder. She takes a bite of a peacan muffin, and washes it down with a swig of coffee. "Yeah, that's... a lot." Beat. "You holding up okay? It was a bit scary for a second or two there."

"I'll get over it soon. It's just that I couldn't get a proper one for ages, and you know I can't cook. The last time I did, I used a wood stove, and I've forgotten how." Oso sniffs at Sturm, and then licks the side of her face with his huge tongue. Teagan, on the other hand, shoves more cinnamon roll into their face and shrugs their shoulders. "I'm not," they answer, looking off across the room. "I'm not holding up at all, really. I'm just kind of standing here staring into space. I keep getting to the thing that Oso told me last, and searching through my head for memories, and he's not lying, but I... how can I not remember?"

"Same reason I couldn't remember Sigrun?" Beat. "That she couldn't remember me?" The Jotunn shrugs mighty before setting her muffin aside, and wrapping an arm around Teagan. Tragically, there're more important things than the taste of delicious pecans and pastries. She sighs, and the tension bleeds from her shoulders as she gives the pup behind Teagan some well-deserved scritches. "... but I don't know what Oso told you, Tea. I couldn't understand." Beat. "You don't have to tell me that, though. Just tell me what you need."(edited)

A sidelong glance at Sturm, and Teagan laughs softly: a wry, exhausted sound. "You know, I just... assumed that because you're from Texas that you speak or at least kind of understand Spanish?" They shove the last of the cinnamon roll in their mouth and then reach across Sturm to let Oso lick their hand clean. This also lets them lean into her and put their head on her shoulder. They spend some time chewing their pastry, and then, with a very heavy sigh, murmur, "I mean, I get it, but I think there's a difference. No offense to you, or to Sigrun."

And then some silence follows. "I -- I can't do any research because I can't read." They swallow, hard, and there's something -- but they just kind of stop. Like they've slammed up against a wall inside their head.

"I know how to order a beer, and ask where to piss, and I could definitely pronounce most of the stuff on a menu at a Mexican restaurant, but." Beat. "No, I don't really speak much Spanish."

Sturm reaches up to gently stroke the side of Teagan's face. Her bare skin is cool against theirs, and it makes the mirror-y surface fog up where her fingers connect - and then she pets their hair before dropping the hand back into her lap. "If you'd like, I can help with that later." Beat. "For now, take your time," she mutters when they pause. "Talk when you're ready. You're allowed to just feel shitty for a while without needing to solve it."(edited)

"Oh God, none of you speak Spanish, do you?" The weight of that hits Teagan in the chest like a punch, and they let out a long, distended groan, a breath pushing out into a high, weary squeak. "Fuck, I'm going to have to explain this so many times." The groan they make is so weary, so exhausted, like every nerve in their body is exhausted physically and emotionally.

"I forgot my children. Oso remembered, and I forgot."

"Hey," not a grumble this time. Her voice is barely above a whisper - and her heart hurts to hear Teagan so obviously in distress. "You don't have to explain anything more than once. I'll relay it for you."

Sturm doesn't say anything else -- what could she say that would make that better? Make it sting less? Instead, she wraps both arms around Teagan in a protective cocoon, and squeezes them tightly to her chest. The Jotunn rests her chin atop their head, rubbing her partner's back. Slowly. Gently.

"Apparently," whines Teagan, hanging on to Sturm -- literally the only person in Direct Action who can make Teagan feel small, which helps right now -- "I had three. I had two boys, and a girl, and the oldest boy threw a ball for Oso. And I don't remember them! I don't remember them at all! I went through labor three times in the nineteenth century in a shithole in South Philadelphia before I was eighteen years old and I can't remember any of it. It's just. Fucking. Gone."

"They're all gone. Empty. Fled out of my fucking head." They take in a short, sharp little breath.

"But I remembered the fucking dog."

Sturm kisses the top of her partner's head before pulling them into her lap, and cradling the mirrorskin like a Russian nesting doll might envelop one of it's smaller comrades. Y'know, because she's gigantic and that means it's Be Small Time for Teagans.

Teagan can hear Sturm breathing - probably feel it, too, this close to the Jotunn's chest - but she otherwise stays quiet, letting them finish without interruption. It'll only be harder to get through if she starts asking questions now.(edited)

"I love the fucking dog. I love that fucking dog, right there, the one the Hedge took and the Hedge fucked because my dumb ass accidentally opened a Hedge door and got myself Taken. What the fuck happened to my children? Did they follow me, too? I don't know! I have no idea! Did they live to be the kids of crazy Mommy who killed Daddy and then got hanged for it and probably fell apart into garbage when she died? Did Winter have to come for my fucking children? Who raised them? Who were they? Why don't I remember them?" Teagan doesn't resist being picked up: they're panting by the time they finish that little diatribe, and let out a sad, long sound that's something close to a howl, which causes Oso's ears to perk up, and he mashes his face into this Russian-nesting-doll mess, making a little warbling sound and licking at both Sturm and Teagan at once.

Sturm leans back against Oso. 'Cause obviously he should be able to participate in this, too, but her hands are currently too occupied to offer scritches or pats.

"Hey," her voice is soft - but still stern enough to be grounding - when she finally speaks. "Being taken was not a moral failing - and neither is forgetting. Your head was fucked with for a hundred years, and it's some fucked up shit - the biggest shit sandwich on the fucking planet, even - but it's not your fault. You didn't make the choice to open the gate, you didn't make the choice to forget - and you wouldn't have made it if you'd been given the option."

She squeezes Teagan tighter - unless they want to be free of her embrace, in which case she won't fight them on that. "... I don't know the answers, Tea. I'll help you find them if they're there, but." Beat. "I don't know."(edited)

Oso licks their face, and Teagan reaches out and scratches his jowls, pets his head. They say some soothing words in Spanish, something gentle and soft, until he calms down. It seems to help them to have someone else to focus on for a moment. They let out a little quiet sound when Sturm starts talking, but they don't argue with her.

"Fuck," Teagan finally says. "Fuck."

"I want to kill those trolls again. I'm so angry. I'm so tired."

"I know, sweetheart." Sturm rests her chin atop Teagan's head again. Content that she doesn't need her entire body to cradle Teagan anymore, she reaches out a hand behind her - giving Oso a reassuring pat on the flank. "They were fuckin' assholes, but they're dead and burned." Beat. "So what else can I do to make it better?"(edited)

They take in a big, big breath and let out a huge sigh. "I feel... terrible," Teagan admits. "That I don't want to tell this story again. That I don't want to explain it again. But I don't. And I think it'll hurt June's feelings if she hears it from someone else, and maybe Sigrun's and Johnnie's? And I ... " A soft puff of breath.

"First of all, feeling terrible makes perfect sense. It's a sign that there's something wrong, and letting yourself feel that is the first step towards feeling not-so-terrible." She's not squeezing Teagan quite so hard now - just rubbing their back, shoulders, arms. Whatever's within reach. "I hate to sound calloused about this, but you need to put yourself first for a bit. They might be upset at first, but they'll understand that it's painful to have this conversation." Beat. "You're bleeding, and your obligation is to stop bleeding not tend to everyone else's wounds. So if you think they need to know from you give yourself a few days for the pain to dull. Take care of Teagan, please."

There's a big breath in, and a slow, careful breath out. "I don't know how to have this conversation more than once. I don't know how to have this conversation. I feel like someone just kicked me over and over again in the stomach. And I don't have any answers and I don't know how to get the answers I want. I'm lost. And not just in a capital-L way." Teagan just sort of wilts in Sturm's arms. "They're both hurting so much right now, especially Sigrun, and I just."

"I know," Sturm kisses the top of their head. "Let me take care of this - let me take care of you." She pats Teagan's back gently, leaning back against some pillows and pulling them with her. "I've got worrying about Sigrun and June - I'm already worrying about them, and I have the room on my plate to do it." There's a little pause. "I can't order you to without getting into trouble for it, but I highly recommend that you work on healing."

Though, she emphasizes Highly Recommend in such a way that it may as well be an order.

Teagan goes quiet for several long minutes, just curled up against Sturm, not saying anything. Normally, they'd sass her back, or pull on her necklace, or make some sort of comment, but they don't. There's a subtle sniff, and then they pick their head up to look at her. "If you think that I have forgotten that you were in the room, too, and you were the one who took a woman's head off just a week ago, Sturm... I haven't. No one has." They press their lips together, and their broken-mirror eyes reflect back fractions and fragments. "Okay, sure. I can work on healing."

"You first."

"I will," Sturm grumbles. "... but my business with Robin is done. What happened with those firefighters was tragic, but it wasn't out fault -- it was Robin's for making a fucking bomb -- and I blame myself for enough shit without blaming myself for that, too." Beat. "So I will, but I'm not hurting like you all are - and there will be plenty of time for me to do that once my people are taken care of."

So in other words: It's fine for me, because I'm a Winter.

"Okay," concedes the Mirrorskin, curling up small, still gently scritching at Oso's jowls. "Okay." They're running out of either resistance or things to say, perhaps, but they aren't content to let it all fall away just yet. "As long as you're not -- just -- pretending that everything's okay and without -- worry." They turn their face into the side of Sturm's neck, and let out a small, shaking breath.

"I'm not," Sturm mutters quietly, mussing up Teagan's hair and placing a delicate kiss on their forehead. "I'm good right now." Beat. "I got this..." Her eyelids are getting pretty heavy, though. There's a Teagan on top of her, and a pupper beside her. That means it's time to be sleepy. She'll probably be unconscious soon. Sorry, Teagan. You're trapped here.