Logs:Like Some Kind of Object

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Content Warning

Raunchy flirting between partners. All-caps texting/yelling. Summer anger. Discussion of depersonalization/Durance issues.

Cast

Teagan and Sturm

Setting

Text messages

Log

Sturm:

Fuckin'
The rain is so SHIT
I got caught out and ended up with icicles :I

Teagan:

I bet you look hot tho

Sturm:

Haha. I look cold
Literally :P

Teagan:

c'mere, i'll warm you up

Sturm:

Oh yeah? How're you planning to do that? I am literally made of ice


Teagan:

with my penis

Sturm:

Oh
Dope!
I never considered!!!

Teagan:

indeeeeed

Sturm:

You're a gremlin and I love you

Teagan:

and my penis

Sturm:

I mean
It's a damn fine penis

Teagan:

yes, yes it is

Sturm:

You know what makes me laugh?

Teagan:

What's that, doll?

Sturm:

How good winters are at spying
I was not exactly what you'd call
"Known for my finesse"
Too bad spies are pretty much universally shitheel bootlickers in the mortal professional world

Teagan:

You could do what Mearcstapa does

Sturm:

I could maybe do what Mearcstapa does for
Training security personnel to recognize threats, and maybe training team management but
Strictly breaking into places
Probably Mearc's got the market cornered on that

Teagan:

I mean maybe.
I dunno
At one point I was going to work with him but
ha ha ha
I figure if he hasn't spoken to me again by now he's figured out a way in his head that he's the wronged party
But at least I can talk to Lux and Jack like normal so that's nice

Sturm:

Well i actually talked to him about thay
That
If you'd like me to tell you where he's at

Teagan:

Sure

Sturm:

Basically he's confused
Because I guess
For him
He isn't actually into women in a "want to fuck" way
But for him

Teagan:

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FUCKING

Sturm:

"Flirting" seems to be
"Having a friendship"
With
Which is
Very confusing to me.

Teagan:

He needs to keep his stupid confused ass away from my family, then.
If you tell me you want to "seriously flirt" or "flirt with intent" with my girlfriend, what the fuck am I supposed to think that means?
I don't give a fuck where his dick goes
There is no difference between romantic and sexual involvement to me
Like
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT
i mean
what the fuck

Sturm:

Quite frankly I'm kinda confused too I don't really understand what's like
Happening

Teagan:

Okay so
Lemme splain how this all came out of his stupid fucking mouth.
Me: I was taken off guard by blah blah blah and also I am feeling like the ugly old man of my motley because all these people are chasing my partners.
Mearcstapa: I'm going to take like several sentences to tell you how I'm not interested in you romantically or sexually, but then I'm going to say 'also, just so you see this coming, I might end up flirting properly with Sigrun at some point... this is my explicit declaration of intent'
NOW
The words "flirting properly" and "explicit declaration of intent," right after he took VERY SPECIAL PAINS to tell me that he was NOT interested in me "romantically or sexually"...
IN WHAT WORLD IS THAT NOT SAYING HE IS EITHER ROMANTICALLY OR SEXUALLY INTERESTED IN SIGRUN?
Like, either he is an INCREDIBLE FUCKING DUMBASS WHO SHOULD NOT BE TRUSTED WITH WORDS
or he is LYING TO YOU
about what he said'
now that it has blown up in his FUCKING FACE

Sturm:

Oh
Huh
I mean I may have misunderstood him because the conversation meandered quite a bit but
Hrrmp.
Can I ask a dumb question without maybe having my head bitten off?

Teagan:

I'm not mad at you
Yes
I am upset right now because I think you got weaseled at and I'm real tired

Sturm:

I think it's more likely that he's confused, rather than trying to take me for a ride or whatever but
Would you have been as upset about this if either
He had mentioned being into you, or if he hadn't made a point to say he wasn't before asking?

Teagan:

So, the latter was just fucking rude as fuck
And about as tonedeaf as a person can be
But what really has me mad, and I think I said this before but I'll say it again
Is that this feels like uhhhhh
Okay, you know that Lux hit on me before, right? And that I turned them down, twice?
Because both times they were like... kind of emotionally compromised and I didn't want to be part of that?
Like, some shit was going on with Jack and Mearcstapa and they were upset, I think once it was right after they became Oathbroken
And they hit on me, and I said no?
And then after that, when they told Mearcstapa that, he was like
NO YOU CANNOT SLEEP WITH ANY OF DIRECT ACTION
NEITHER OF YOU CAN BE INVOLVED WITH DIRECT ACTION
THEY ARE TOO AWESOME, THEY THREATEN ME AND MAKE ME FEEL INSECURE
Which, okay, whatever, it's not like I ... you know, didn't ... turn Lux down or like I'm wanting for sex
Whatever, that's your business
But it feels like 'Direct Action is off-limits until I have heart-eyes for Sigrun, and then it's all okay'
which is gross and hypocritical
And now, like...
as I said to Sigrun, if Mearc wants to fix stuff with me -- and frankly that's an if, I am not expecting that to happen -- it's only gonna happen if it's because he genuinely gives a shit about me, and not because he thinks I'm the portal he has to pass through to get to Sigrun

Sturm:

That's fair, but also at the same time I do think it's important to note that uhhh. Mearcstapa has definitely grown a lot since then (as have we all, probably, considering where I am and where Sig is and where Lux is) so like.
I guess what I'm getting at is would an awareness or acknowledgement of the fact that his past behavior was gross and hypocritical change anything?
Ahh okay you said basically what I was asking

Teagan:

Maybe. So far what I'm hearing from you makes me more skeptical that he even understands why what he said was fucked up

Sturm:

I just. IDK. I don't think it's the same as the situation we were in, but I can definitely see parallels... and I am a very unreliable narrator on that point because I knew that you were upset and that raised my hackles and provably colored my understanding of what was intended.

Teagan:

Like... if you say 'Teagan is not romantic or sexy' and then 'but I am going to properly flirt with Sigrun' and don't understand how that reads like 'I intend to romance and or sexytimes Sigrun, and boy the hypocrisy'
Then I'm seriously concerned about having you anywhere near my family in that sense.
Because you clearly do not seem to have a grip
on ... uhhh... basic conversational ... things... about relationships.

Sturm:

Yeah that's fair. I definitely think that was a tonedeaf way to express and phrase that. There's no arguing there.

Teagan:

It's not even just that it's tonedeaf at this point, which it is.
Now I'm like
Are you lying or are you that fucking clueless?

Sturm:

Yeah maybe
Idk it's a can of worms

Teagan:

And what do you mean it's the same situation as we were in?

Sturm:

Oh the lux thing
Like "don't fuck teagan I'm not emotionally equipped to handle that because I'm insecure"
It's not the same as "Don't fuck sturm because I think she probably tried to kill me and I don't want my brains to spill out everywhere" but

Teagan:

vs "I would never screw Sturm unless you were okay with it, you don't need to tell me not to because I'm actively setting a boundary myself"
Sigrun never told me no.
That's the difference.
I told me no.

Sturm:

That's fair I guess; I wasn't there for that convo so again I'm an unreliable narrator

Teagan:

The difference there is that no one forbade me anything. I made a decision because the well-being of my motley always comes first.
And also, there's a big difference between 'I'm insecure' and 'we almost murdered each other the first time we met because we shared Durance trauma.'
And I think, also, the problem is that the more that conversations get had around me and not with me, the more annoyed I get.
Which may have something to do with what I am.

Sturm:

Yeah that's entirely fair I mean
I think it's probably important to remember that uhh
The people they were many months ago
And the people they are now
And the people y'all were many months ago
Are all really different
So to stress
I am 100% on your side and I am upset that you're upset
But I'm trying very hard to give Mearcstapa and Lux the benefit of several months of growth, because I think I'd be pretty pissed off if someone ran into me on a bad day and was like
Oof yeah
Sturm
She's that same bitch she was six months ago.

Teagan:

I mean yes
But also
I don't know people have changed
Or how they've changed their minds
If they don't, you know, talk to me
I don't just
Get updates

Sturm:

Yeah that's fair. I think part of it is that I am in pretty regular contact with Mearc and watched him go from shutting down entirely whenever Lux was mentioned to... being a functional person that's getting married to them. So.

Teagan:

Literally the last time I talked to him with any depth I was talking him through his insecurity

Sturm: I get what you're saying tho.

Teagan:

So haha
Honestly like
What I expect at this point is like
For everyone to talk past and around me
And for me to be expected to just let it go
And be the bigger person or whatever
Even though people are talking around me
Like I'm some sort of
Idk
Object

Sturm:

Well
I definitely don't want you to feel that way
I know I just tend to
Launch into trying to fix shit
So Im sorry if I made you feel like I was talking around you
That wasn't my intention

Teagan:

Thank you. I know it wasn't your intention, and I love that you try to fix things. It's one of the things I really love about you.
It really depresses me that I think this is just going to get avoided by Mearcstapa until he thinks I've forgotten about it or am un-annoyed about it enough that he can just ... never deal with it directly.
But that's my prediction.
And if I'm right, frankly, that'll be everything that needs to be known about how much people have or have not changed.

Sturm:

Well I think.
That it's important to note that
You are a Summer and he is an Autumn and consider your respective regalia
And quite frankly you're a little terrifying (in a very hot way, imo) and you know how autumns can be

Teagan:

I said what I said. :)

Sturm:
:P

Teagan:

When are you gonna be home? I am overflowing with excess Summer heat.

Sturm:

Like. 5 mins. I'm on foot today because I was doing More Work
So.
I'm very wet.
Read that as you will.

Teagan:

Oh, I will.