Logs:Rootin' Tootin' Cadre Time

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Content Warning

The ugliest hat ever. Casual nudity and near-nudity mentioned obliquely.

Cast

Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya, Little Fox, Leta Abbott, Mei Lee, Vasily Tometchko

Setting

The Firebirds apartment

Log

Mei is sitting on the couch at the moment, looking out over the city toward where the setting sun is painting the sky with vivid colors. There's a glass in her hands, probably a cocktail of some sort, and she has her bare feet up as she relaxes and just watches. Sometimes you need quiet moments of not doing anything. It's good for you.

Pap pap pap pap. Pap pap pap. Here is a Fox! She doesn't come flying in this time, and she's not being a hummingbird. It's been a long time since Fox came wandering in as, you know. An Fox. There's no backpack markings on the fox, because this is the house. They hop up on to the couch and sniff at Mei's hand, stomping gently on her lap.

It seems like Mei's idea wasn't hers alone. Zoya comes into the main living area from the direction of her office, stops by the kitchen to grab a bottle out of the fridge (a beer) and then heads into the living room. "It's pretty tonight!" she says happily, gesturing with her bottle like what she means isn't totally obvious. "Mind if I join you?"

Bing! The elevator arrives at the top of the penthouse, and a barefoot Leta Abbott pads out of the elevator wearing a sleeveless light blue blouse, and a knee-length skirt with blue and pink psychedelic mushroom patterns along the hem. Under each arm, she's carrying a pair of beautiful watercolor paintings in floating frames. "Howdy y'all," she drawls, lifting her sunglasses to the top of her head, before breezing down the hall towards her office to drop off her spoils.(edited)

Vasha steps in from the balcony, dressed in a lime green speedy and holding a large fluted mimosa glass full of clearly-not-mimosa. He's got a red velvet smoking jacket on and is wearing a large cowboy hat with a bird skull festooned to its front. He left the cigar outside, mercifully. He scratches at his hairy dad belly as he ambles into the living room and flops down onto one of the overly comfy chairs that probably costs a month's salary for most people in the city. He does not ask if he may join, he just joins. "Good evening, everyone."

Socks. He's wearing socks and sandals.

Mei holds her hand out, anticipating that, and with a brief flare of her Nimbus she can suddenly talk to Foxes. "Hi Fox!" she says pleasantly, and she holds her drink out of the way for having her lap boarded like a ship under attack by pirates. "Not at all, Zoya. It is your house, as much as it's our Sanctum, but also I enjoy your company and I'd be happy to have you." She watches Leta breeze through with that brief greeting, and then Vasha's entrance, and says aloud, "I'm surrounded by the weirdest people. Hi Leta, bye Leta, hi Vasha. I'm scared to ask what you're drinking."

"Hello, Mei!" Fox snuggles in and puts her forepaws up on Mei's shoulders and nuzzles at her face, sniffling at her as if to check in on her health. (This is in fact what he is doing.) When others come in, Fox hop hop to go and sniff at them, until Vasha arrives, and as they start to run toward him to greet him, they realize what they're looking at, and skid to a stop in the middle of the floor, staring at him. Her eyes are huge, and she blinks slowly. Twice.

"... you have gone so far into tacky that you have wrapped around into majestic."

Zoya glances around like she's about to do something that she might get in trouble for, then hops over the back of the couch and plops herself down next to Mei. "Just wait until you find out I'm the weirdest of us all. I bet you won't be expecting it at all." She leans over to scratch Fox behind the ears when greeted before swiveling her head around to see what Leta's carrying. "Huh. Nice! Come join us if you'd like!" That's what Vasha does, clearly. She groans at the sight of him and says, "For some reason I willingly hang out with you..."

Leta returns from down the hall a few moments later without the paintings, and she gives Vasha look like she just bit into a lemon. She gestures vaguely to his "ensemble" on her way into the kitchen for a Red Bull. "What the fuck is happening?! What are those?!" She cracks open her drink can with a cackle. "I'm too sober for this."

Vasha, meanwhile, is deadpan serious about the whole thing. Stone faced and cold like a guard at the Kremlin. In his bulging banana hammock and pouched out hairy belly which he rubs slowly as though consulting it for clues as to future events. "This is a hat," Vasha assures Leta, because of course that's what she was asking about. "I saw the hat and said 'this is a hat that Leta will hate to love and love to hate'. So naturally I purchased it. Does it not make your teeth chitter in annoyance? Pardner?" He tips his hat her way with that closing jab, then flashes a smile at Mei, Zoya, and indeed Fox. "Fireball, sprite, a little amaretto, and some grenadine, and a few maraschino cherries. I tasted like a college girl setting your face on fire."

Mei accepts foxy attention with a soft laugh, and her breath smells just fine. Well, it smells a little bit like whiskey, but it doesn't smell like sickness or anything. She gets a reprieve from fox-in-face when Fox goes to greet everyone else, and she laughs at Fox's description of Vasha's outfit. "I think you might have a lower threshold for that wrapping around," she says. "And Zoya, I was thinking largely the same thing. I'm scared to find out how you're weird, and that I'm actually the most normal person in the room. That's a scary thought." She tips back her glass and agrees with Leta. "Yeah. Me too."

There's a sort of full-body sigh, and then Fox -- in short jean shorts and nothing else -- flings herself at Vasha, because he is, in her eyes, a delight and a wonder. "Can I wear the hat?" Fox asks, her arms looped around Vasha's neck, giving him her big begging Fox eyes. "I like the hat. They don't understand the hat. It's like sexy spanking... but with clothing choices. I get it."

Fox understands things now, and will use this explanation for everything that Vasha does vis a vis Leta, until corrected. "Pheme, you're weird and wonderful, every person is. Strange universes, all of us. Vasha, lemmewearthehat."

Zoya answers Leta by saying, "I have no fucking idea, and I'm looking at it with my own eyes. I'm sure it's a Ukrainian thing. Your drink sounds utterly disgusting, which I assume is why there's still some in the glass, and you haven't drunk it all. Drank it all?" She switches to Russian, "fucking English, it's the worst." Then back to English. "I'm afraid I'm not actually that weird. For a computer geek and an artist."

"I'm not weird either," Leta drops to her knees, disappearing behind the cabinets. After some rummaging, she returns with a beautiful glass bong and a fully packed bowl. There's a little fwuip of her lighter, and she takes a ferocious rip. There's a slight cough as she tries to speak. "Not weird at all." A sputter as she exhales smoke. "Unlike that fucking hat. Which is not like a sexy spanking at all. It's just like a regular spanking. So. Thanks for that, you awful, awful man."

She sticks out her tongue at Vasha - and turns to face Fox, too, because Fox also gets some.(edited)

Vasha once more tips his hat and says in his best fake slav doing a Texan accent that he can, "Just doing my job, ma'am, no need to thank an old saddlesore like me, I reckon, rootin' tootin, boot scootin' boogie, yeehaw, yippee kai-yay." He then removes the hat and drops it atop Fox's head for which it is both too large and also strangely appropriate for. "The drink is, as Zoya points out, beyond foul and evidence that I have no remaining taste buds. But it also ensures no one is going to try and steal my drink. So." He taps his temple twice, "Fairly ingenious." Leta's insistence that it is merely spanking and not sexy spanking earns her a bright peal of laughter from the Acanthus. "Even better!"

"Do I even want to know?" Mei asks with a shakes of the head. "I don't think I do want to know what you mean about the sexy spanking thing. Sadly, I also think I do know. Aaaagh!" That comes when Vasha starts reckoning and rootin' his tootin' or whatever. "Zoya, do these windows open? Can we throw him out one?"

"Noooo! No throwing him out the windoooooow!" Now it's time for Fox to climb Vasha like a tree. So, for the record, now what we have is: a middle-aged Ukranian in mismatched Dad Socks, sandals, a neon-green banana hammock, with a vile drink, who now has a small, half-naked Thyrsus clinging to his side like a protective little monkey, legs wrapped around his hairy belly, while wearing the world's most objectionable cowboy hat which is falling down into her eyes, and also she's hissing like a snake at her cadremates through her vulpine teeth. "He miiiiine! No throw! No throw out window!!" After the hiss, there's a big pout. She sticks her lower lip out.

These people have the ability to reshape reality.

"He was out on the balcony. You had your chance." Zoya deadpans. She gets up again and heads back into the kitchen with her beer, draining it on the way. "I need something harder. I thought Cats was weird. I forgot who I live with." In the kitchen she starts getting out bottles and a martini glass, a shaker, etc. "Anyone else want a cosmo?"

Leta just twitches in response to Vasha's ridiculous garble of vague southernisms and bad accent work -- pay no heed to the fact that she does a similarly terrible Russian accent and makes yakov smirnoff-esque jokes of her own -- and she nearly drops her fucking bong when Fox starts hissing and shrieking. The twiggy mastigos clutches the pipe to her chest as if it were her only tether to reality.

"I agree. We can't throw Vasha out the window," Leta offers, stepping between Mei, and the screaming nightmare entity that is Foxsha. "He's married to Fox, after all. Which means we also should throw them out of the window, too." She gestures at the pair with her bong. "In sickness, in health, in... plumeting to your death, right?"(edited)

"Attempting to murder an acanthus via Putin's Parachute is unwise. We'll just rewind time on the way down. Better to put a slug in the brain stem." Vasha taps at the back of his skull helpfully, "Can't form an imago without a lizard brain, as it turns out." Vasha's just grinning ear to ear the whole time, mind you. "And she can fly. You are very bad at this assassination business." He tsk tsks and tut tut tuts with a little shake of the head, then tilts his ridiculous drink back for a gulp. Ending it with a small belch of cinnamon cherry almond awfulness. (With limon!)

"I don't want to murder you, Vasha, I just want to throw you out the window. The fact that you'd survive it is a bonus," Mei protests, but she's laughing as she does, before she continues to explain to Leta, "and if Fox went out the window latched onto Vasha, they'd probably turn into a giant condor and fly away with him or something. It would be fine." She shrugs. "I'll take a cosmo, Zoya."

"Miiiiine," warbles Fox like an angry cat, still clinging to Vasha and staring at all of her cadremates in turn. "But we're not married yet. Only ... uh... committed to the idea of getting married when we figure out what that means to us specifically." She hooks her chin on his shoulder and peers over toward the kitchen. "I could turn into a giant eagle like in Lord of the Rings but... I think that would make the Guardians upset." And then, they add on: "Please cosmo, Zoya? I will give you one... no... two kisses for a cosmo."

Zoya makes drinks for herself and those who want them while the conversation goes on. "Some of the windows do open," she says, "but not in a way that lets you throw someone out of them. Not unless they're very, very skinny. I'd make you one without the kisses, but I do like the kisses, so I'll take it. If you decide to turn into a giant bird, try to make sure it's an invisible one?" She brings Fox and Mei their drinks first.

"If the eagle's not invisible? Well, we'll be forced to go with Vasha's other idea..." Leta winks, miming taking a shot at Vasha with her bong. It's not a very effective firearm, but she's -- probably magically -- good at making it seem like a dangerous weapon somehow. Weird. She crosses the room to the couch, and flops onto the cushions before taking another rip. Clearly she's got to catching up to do if this is where the room is currently at.

Vasha turns his head to the side and presses a kiss on Fox's cheek while she's in the midst of her clinging and hissing. He has to briefly lift the hat from her head to do it, but it's returned to atop her head a moment later, looking more ridiculous on her than it had a moment ago, if that's even possible. The awful drink is set aside for now as he watches Leta blaze one up on the couch. "Okay. I can't smoke cigars in here but you can rip a bong? How's that fair." Vasha gestures to Leta and then appeals to Zoya with a glance. Really? In front of his salad? "Mei is correct, though. Tossing me out a window would only negatively reinforce my behavior. It's counterproductive."

Mei takes the offered cosmo with a nod. "Thanks, Zoya. Aside from committing fashion atrocities, has anyone been up to anything interesting lately? I guess there's the supposedly some day getting married thing, so mazel tov." She lifts her glass then takes a drink.

She clings to Vasha most ridiculously until she's handed a cosmo, at which point she smooches him noisily on the cheek and clambers down. "You are majestic," Fox solemnly informs the Ukranian. Everyone else complains, but Fox seems to genuinely think that Vasha looks truly majestic in this getup. Why? Who can scrute the mind of a Fox? Sometimes for someone so simple, she's inscrutable. Or she has her own weird-ass reasons for shit. Cosmo in one hand, silly hat in the other, she pushes up to her toes to give Zoya one, and then two, kisses. As promised. "I love your face and butt," she informs Zoya with all due solemnity. "Thank you." Barefoot, she pads over to sit down next to Mei. "Thank you! Yes, we are engaged. And I'm going to go help Lux finish their house soon, they moved in with their partners."

"I never said you can't smoke cigars," Leta offers. Her voice is strained, because she's currently holding smoke in her lungs. "... but I'm an apprentice of Matter, I'll scrub the air when I'm finished. You should try it, Vasha." There's a beat. "Also. No offense, but I'm not going to be sober if the rest of you gremlins aren't. I'm supposed to be the addled one, this isn't fair." Leta gestures vaguely to the room before giving up and letting her arm go slack as she blows smoke at the ceiling. "Nothing on my end, and the Declan thing has been eerily quiet. Which I don't like, but." She yawns, suddenly exhausted as her high starts to make contact with the long day. "I bought some art for my office - so I guess that means I'm closer to moving in? Does that count as good news?"

Oh jeez, she barely finished talking and now she's asleep. Ridiculous.