Logs:Titles, Tattoos, And Names

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Cast

Mei Lee and Little Fox

Setting

The Firebirds cadre apartment

Log

After she heard back from Leta, Fox at least got a decent nap. (Much like her player, who also got a decent nap last night.) She's sitting out on the porch in a t-shirt that she stole from Vasha's drawer. It's one of his ridiculous MURICA t-shirts, reading I'M A FORKLIFT OPERATOR AND I FEAR ONLY TWO THINGS: GOD AND MY WIFE, AND YOU ARE NEITHER. She's also got on a pair of purple boxers with raccoons printed all over them. She's drinking coffee, her fingers wrapped around her mug. When Mei messages her to let her know she's downstairs, Fox glances toward the elevator.

The button does nothing.

Fox scowls. Her nimbus flares.

The button lights up.

Mei hasn't actually been to sleep yet, and is still wearing the "SISTERS NOT JUST CISTERS" tank she was wearing when they met up at Maddy's, with the word "sisters" in trans pride colors. Plus, y'know, the jeans and the golden sneakers she was wearing. It takes a while for her to make it up to the penthouse because the problem with living in the sky is that you have to ride all the way up there every time you want to go home, but eventually she disembarks the elevator and makes her way in to find Fox. "Heeeey!" she says when she spots them. "I told you everything would be oh my god you two and those fucking shirts." The end of whatever she was going to say fades into rolled eyes and laughter and what she ends up saying instead.

She sets her coffee down and pops up to her feet. "It could have not been okay!" Fox rebuts, even as she's pap pap pap padding across the floor barefoot to give Mei a giant hug and loud kiss on the cheek in greeting. There are certain hard, bright lines in Fox's life, and How You Treat Apprentices is one of them. Mei, however, is no longer an apprentice, so can be given hugs and kisses on the cheek. "But it was okay. No one was really hurt -- I think? I don't know if people were even temporarily hurt -- and no one died."

She laughs, then, and flashes Mei a big smile. "I follow r/TargetedShirts because I think it's funny. Vasha started buying these shirts because he thinks they're Very American." And then she looks down at the shirt. "... though we haven't talked about the 'wife' thing."

Mei returns the hug with warmth and even picks Fox up off the ground for a moment before putting him back down. "It could have, but they prepared and they had someone who can do an awful lot make sure they get lucky," she answers. "I'm glad nobody died, or even really hurt. I'm sure they'd have let someone like you know if they needed a healer. I wonder if they had one with with them?"

Then they move on to a different topic and she laughs. "Vasha has some strange ideas about what 'American' means. Then again, so do a lot of Americans, who have a perception of this country that's not even remotely accurate to what it's really like, so..." she shrugs. "I'm going to grab a drink. I could use a bit of a buzz, and I guess I could just make myself feel that way, but I'd rather do it the tasty way. It is just a silly shirt, you know. It doesn't have to mean anything. I might wear a shirt that said 'wife' on it and I'm not even dating anyone."

She's picked up and put back down again, and that makes her laugh -- much more like the normal Fox laughter, what with the relief that's flooded her brain with seratonin. "I don't know if they did or not. But I know they had ... well, a Mastigos. I'm not sure if they had anyone who could teleport me out there." Fox frowns a little bit, and there's very clearly a moment where all of the things that could have happened flutter through her head again. "Centralia is a long, long way away."

"Vasha is a troll, really, is what it is," Fox laughs, and she pads after Mei as she goes into the kitchen. "And, I mean, yes, but ... " her voice trails off. "He generally does things that mean things. This might not be something that means something."

Mei leaves the topic of Centralia and the rat hosts behind, because it sounds like nobody was hurt badly enough to be worried about and there is, thus, no point in dwelling on it and stressing themselves out. She heads to the kitchen where she gets whatever Zoya has stocked in the probably absurdly big fridge. "I guess the question is whether you want to be a wife. I mean..." she pops the top off the bottle and leans against the counter for a second. "Does the idea of being called 'wife' bother you? I'm not really sure how you feel about such obviously gendered terms like that. Leaving out the specific question of Vasha, even."

After half a second, she runs out to the porch to grab her coffee, and comes pap pap pap padding back in again, coming into the kitchen just in time for Mei to start wandering through the fridge and also talking. Convenient, that! Fox pads over to the table and pulls out a chair, crouching on it while they talk. Who even just sits on chairs? Not queers. She wraps both of her hands around her coffee mug and leans her forearms on her knees, chewing on her lower lip. "Oh, I don't mind the gendered terms. I have lots of them. I use them interchangeably, really, and I don't think that wife is less true if sometimes husband or spouse would be more accurate." She raises a hand to push her hair out of her face.

"It doesn't bother me. From a gendered point of view."

Mei makes her way over to the table where she pulls the chair out and sits on it cross-legged. Mei seems to just like sitting that way, since she does it all the time. "Well, that's good then. I didn't want to make assumptions about it, you know? That just means there's the specifics of the question as it pertains to Vasha, and how you feel about that." She takes a sip of her beer, puts it on the table, and slowly rotates it between her fingers.

More absent chewing on her lower lip, and then he takes another swallow of his coffee. "No, I appreciate that. I don't put a lot of weight on gendered terms in general, you know? I just ... don't get bothered by them. I understand that some people do, but ... I don't." Fox pauses, and tips her head to the side thoughtfully, looking off into the near distance with her eyes somewhat unfocused. "I think that -- "

"I think that I am surprised? Because Vasha is a Guardian, and they are sort of -- notorious -- for not having commitments like that. Cadres form and dissolve, but a marriage -- especially for an Acanthus -- would be quite the thing." Her cheeks briefly flush pink. "I suppose there isn't a targeted shirt that says 'my long-term partner who I've been with for over a decade but to whom I have no formal ties other than cadremate'."

"I feel pretty strongly about gendered terms for me, but that probably doesn't surprise you," Mei agrees, since she's one of the examples of people who puts a lot of weight on them. "Mostly because I had to fight hard to get people to accept using them for me." She lets out a short laugh. "Not getting misgendered any more is a pretty big weight off of my shoulders. But I accept that they don't matter to you, too."

She takes another drink and listens to Fox talk about his feelings. "It could not mean anything," she points out to them again. "Like you say, it could just be that was the option for the shirt, and he figured you wouldn't mind." She grins. "Do you want to marry him? What would that mean for your other partners?"

"At one time, I felt very strongly about gendered terms for me," agrees Fox. "But then I Awakened, and I became an Orphan, and... for me, personally, having been a night heron and a bucket of water and a field of grass and a fox... it's hard to get all worried about my personal gender. I barely know what species I'm supposed to be anymore, and 'supposed' is not a word for me." She smiles a little bit, there. "But it was so good to not get misgendered anymore, so I get it."

She finishes their coffee, sets it aside. "I mean, it could not. Maybe it's only the options that there were. But he didn't have to get a shirt that said anything at all about me. He managed to find one that said 'she has yellow eyes,' and I'm sure that's not common." Fox frowns, crouching, looking off into the near distance. "I think that if I married Vasha, or even if he just started referring to me as his wife, nothing would actually change with regards to my other partners. Vasha and I were part of a triad, ten years ago, which was a disaster, because that man was terrible, not because of us. We made it through the implosion of that relationship fully intact. Stronger, really. And I have always had other partners -- but that has nothing to do with who Vasha and I are to each other. And if who I am with, or who he is with, or who we are with, cannot change who we are to each other, how can who we are to each other change who I am with someone else?"

A pause. "Goodness, it's nice to be able to talk to you about whatever I like."

Mei does pretty good at listening to Fox talk about whatever they like, too. She sits back, legs still folded on top of the chair, and sips her drink while listening to the Orphan share more of his history. "It is nice," she agrees. "I feel like there's not pressure for me to be a certain way when I'm around you either. Not that you made me feel like there was, exactly, but that's the nature of a teacher/student relationship, isn't it?"

She nods. "And on the topic of wifeage, it sounds like it's not really a factor for your other relationships, which is good. Do you want Vasha to call you his wife? Does that matter to you? Does it ultimately really change anything, in your perception? Or his?" She pauses as she realizes something and then follows that all up by saying, "I'm not trying to lead you here, I'm just asking questions both to understand you better and, hopefully, help you think the whole situation through. If that makes sense. Obviously there are no right or wrong answers, except ones that aren't true."

"Yes. I like that very much," she agrees, with regards to pressure to be a certain way existing or not. And then he pauses, adding, "I have very few... social conventions... in my life. At all. But one of the ones that I truly feel strongly about is the boundaries which properly surround a Master and apprentice. The power dynamic is so easy to abuse, and it would be so easy to be inappropriate, and set a bad example for you with regards to -- " She pauses here, frowning. "The example I set for you as your Master when you're an apprentice frames for you what you should expect and accept from anyone in our society who has any sort of positional power over you, and if I frame that badly, I am setting you up for abuse. Not that you're not smart and strong and savvy and an adult human being -- but." But it's still her responsibility.

She shifts tracks, sliding her butt down the back of the chair and sitting more properly, her legs dangling. And Fox goes quiet for a very, very long time. "I think -- that -- " And here the Orphan tips her head to one side, raising a hand to scratch her scalp and push her stringy black hair back from her face. "I think that if Vasha called me his wife, it would make me very, very happy. I have no -- doubts -- about how he feels about me. After ten, near eleven, years, I have no doubts. But."

"But Guardians don't generally get married. And I have always thought that sort of -- title -- was anathema to him. So -- " And here she stops, and spreads her hands, as if to say that she isn't sure how to finish the sentence.

Mei nods like she understands. "I get it," she confirms. "I appreciate the approach that you took and it worked out well for us both. I'm not making any complaints, that's for certain. And now I'm not your apprentice any more, and..." she tilts her head. "I remember the pride you felt in me when I joined the Children of the Tree, and all our minds were linked." She offers Fox a grateful smile as her eyes start to mist up a bit. "That meant a lot more to me than I've had a chance to actually say, you know. Being the subject of someone's pride like that hasn't ever been something I've really felt before. That's not the kind of relationship I have with my parents. My dad's proud of my sometimes, but it always comes with some disapproval of the choices I've made, too." She reaches up to wipe her eyes with the back of her hand, takes a breath, gives Fox another smile, and then switches gears again.

"It sounds like this is something you should actually talk about with Vasha, then. Just..." she hesitates before offering, "try not to have read too much into it, because like we've both said, it might not have meant as much as it seems, you know?"

The little Thyrsus gets up, then, and pap pap pap over to where Mei leans against the counter, wrapping her arms around Mei's waist and squeezing. "I'm super proud of you," Fox assures quietly, leaning her cheek against the taller woman's shoulder. "I love you a lot, and I'm really glad that I got to be your teacher, and now I'm really glad that I'm not your teacher anymore. I dunno what plans you have about cadres or whatever, but... I think that it would be good for you to talk to the Firebirds. I think you belong here."

She's here all the time anyway, after all.

"Oh, I will, at some point. And trust me, I long ago learned to be careful with what I read into the things Vasha does," she answers wryly.

Mei puts an arm around Little Fox and returns the hug with a gentle squeeze. "Thank you," she says. "I guess I never really properly said that for all of your teaching either, did I? So thank you for that, too. I had fun learning from you, and I'm sure that I'm not through learning plenty from you even if I'm not your apprentice any more." She lets out a thoughtful, wordless sound. "I don't have any plans about cadres," she admits. "So I guess the question is what it really means to be a Firebird."

"You don't have to say thank you, but it's nice to hear," Fox agrees. She's at the table, not the counter, because Mei moved but Fox's player is trying to type through the morning glare and so missed that. Oops. She shifts her shoulders, hugs Mei again, and then trundles off to get more coffee. "Officially, we protect the integrity of the Consilium and the safety of the Veil through directed intercession in the media, in the affairs of the police and government, and in extreme cases through force of arms." That sounds like something that Fox memorized a long time ago. "Really, what it means is that we're a family who does whatever needs to be done to protect the Consilium and the Veil."

"How does that play with the fact that we're members of the Unnamed Nations and the Assembly?" Mei asks, because that seems like a kind of important thing. "I'm not a member of the Consilium, and have an awful lot of reservations about them as a unit. They seem to have made a lot of changes since their early history here, but..." she shrugs. "There are reasons why I chose to join the Children of the Tree and not one of the other possibilities, too."

A vague shrug from Fox, there. "Generally speaking, I find that what Vasha and Zoya find necessary to protect the Consilium is what I would want to do anyway -- like going after the rats. I have yet to see a moment where those things are in conflict. If we ever found they were in conflict, we'd have to discuss as a family how we'd handle that. They know who I am, and the choices I make." A pause, and she adds, "Besides. With more Children of the Tree, that balance would change."

"That's probably a conversation we should all have before I join," Mei says with a nod. "Obviously I have no problem with confronting issues that are facing Awakened society as a whole, but I don't want to just make a blanket agreement to uphold the integrity of an institution I'm not entirely sure I believe in, and that I'm not a part of. Protecting magic by doing what I can to ensure its secrecy for those whose souls aren't prepared to accept it? Sure."

A bob of her head. "I was a Mystagogue when the cadre was formed," explains Fox. "So there wasn't any separation, really, there. Of course, I've grown, since then." She doctors her coffee, wanders back to her chair. "It's always been a little different between me and the Guardians, of course, but... I'm all about having conversations. Changing our stated purpose so that we're focused on threats to Awakened society as a whole is more truthful."

"I have a feeling nobody will object to the idea, but it's a conversation worth having. If that change is made, then I think I'd be comfortable expressing my interest in joining," Mei confirms with a nod. She finishes the contents of her beer and glances around the apartment. "Do you all live together? I mean, I guess you live wherever you feel like it at any given moment, but..." she makes a gesture with her empty bottle that takes in the giant penthouse, then puts the bottle down. "It seems like a place like this wasn't purchased with the intention of housing Zoya alone."

She takes another swallow of her coffee. "I think it'll be fine, but we do have to talk about it," agrees Fox, absently swinging her foot underneath her chair. "No matter what, I hadn't -- really thought about that before, honestly, because of the fact that... I mean, this has always been my family. I changed, but. It's still my family." A pause, and she goes on, "Well. We did before, and then we didn't, because ... Vasha was on assignment, and I left Russia. But we usually do. It's hardly compulsory, though. This place was definitely bought with the idea that we'd all be living here, whoever 'we all' are."

"I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life from here on out," Mei offers as an explanation for why she was asking. "Having to earn an income to pay for my apartment and everything is obviously always a factor in that. Not that I want to be dependent on other people, either." She shrugs a little. "It's just a factor for me to consider when I'm making decisions, that's all."

A soft puff of breath from Fox, then. "Yeah, I understand that part. I used to work for an ad agency, remember," she laughs. She sets aside her mug. "No, it makes sense. If it would be less stressful for you to live with us, then you should live with us. I thought you were asking from the point of view of like -- not wanting to give up your independence."

She offers mildly, "But I really don't believe in pants a lot of the time I'm at home. For the record."

"There's an element of that," Mei admits with a faint smile. "Not even really my independence so much as... sometimes I need a break from people. I like people, but I pick up so much from them even without my powers. Reflect the feelings of the people around me, even when they're strangers, and more so when I know them. It's helpful for me to be able to have a refuge where I know that I'm not going to run into anyone. If that makes sense?" Then she laughs. "I don't wear pants at home most of the time either. I mean, I tend to wear underwear, but..." she shrugs. "Now that I'm not dealing with dysphoria all the time, that's less frequent now too. Of course, not wearing pants when I'm alone is different than around other people, but I'm not bothered by other people's nudity, either."

"That makes sense. And sometimes I run out to the forest and turn into a fox and make myself a den and sleep in it just so I can be away from humans. And being a human. I used to have a fixed den when I first started out, but... it's hard to keep one here, and I care a lot less about that than I used to, plus I wouldn't want to keep area that a real skulk needed, not with as overrun as this area is." Fox pauses, apparently realizing that she's sort of rambled on, and then smiles a little at the explanation. "I'm glad that you're not dealing with dysphoria anymore. That's -- so good, honestly. I'm sure it's a relief. "

A beat. "Yeah, it was more a warning about my own nudity. I am sort of casually naked a fair amount of the time when I am not dealing with wanting to not be arrested."

"It is, but it's also kind of weird. I guess you probably understand, though." Mei shrugs. "In a way most people can't. I appreciate the warning about your nudity, but I don't think that's going to bother me if I end up living here. Well, it wouldn't bother me even if I didn't live here, but I'd be less likely to encounter it."

She flashes her sharp-toothed little smile at Mei, pulls one of her feet up under her butt. "I do. It is weird, but it's the sort of weird that I always took as a reason to be grateful, I guess? You know?" A vague gesture with one hand. "It's still weird, though. That I will agree with." Fox pauses, adding, "I mean, I think in time everyone sees me naked, it's just sort of a thing that happens. Speaking of, I think I figured out what I want to do in order to replace the tattoo on my chest." She taps the space above her heart. "The Yaroslav coin."

"Tell me about the tattoo?" Mei prompts. "I don't know why you got it, or what it meant to you, or what it means in general, so I don't have any context about why you would want to replace it. I imagine that Life probably makes it pretty easy to remove a tattoo permanently, if you want? Well, Life and Matter, since Matter probably lets you break down the ink enough for the body to clean it up itself, which is how tattoos fade with time anyway."

"Yaroslav the Wise is a Russian figure. Well, technically he was the thrice grand prince of Veliky Novgorod and Kiev, and the one who united both principalities for the first time. The same figure that the Yaroslav in Philadelphia takes her Shadow Name from." Beat. "And that was Vasha's Shadow Name when we met -- Yaroslav. We lived in Saint Petersburg, then, and he was -- hopeful -- I guess is the word, for how things were going at the time with Ukraine and Russia." Fox's smile goes a little weak, then. "When I brought it up a couple of weeks ago, changing or covering the tattoo, he said I could just put a bullet hole in the middle of Yaroslav's forehead."

"I had the coin tattooed over my heart because of the Song of Solomon. 'Set me as a seal upon your heart,' you know? I could just make it go away, but I don't want to make it go away and not have a tattoo. I guess I could just make it go away and get a new one. Anyway. I was thinking I might get a profile of Pavlichenko, a silhouette with her rifle, with the moon behind her."

"I assume that he meant the Yaroslav coin, and not the Yaroslav here in Philadelphia," Mei responds with a laugh. "Since that would be much more worrying. Also, you might not want to have the tattoo on you any more if you're going to shoot it. You'd probably be fine, but that sounds needlessly painful." She nods her head and gets up to go get another beer. "You could get a replacement, of course. I suppose that the question, as you're thinking about this, is whether the Shadow Name is the identity that you want as a seal upon your heart." She takes a bottle out, closes the fridge, and looks at Little Fox. "If someone loved you, would it be Little Fox or Revontulet that they loved? Both? Does it matter? Sometimes it feels to me like our Shadow Names are a role we play, and not the heart of who we are. Otherwise our Shadow Names would be our Sympathetic ones."

That, clearly, is a perspective that Fox had never thought about before, and she sits there thoughtful for a bit, her forehead wrinkling up in sudden, deep thought. "I would be equally happy, myself, if Revontulet or Little Fox or Naika were tattooed on someone in order to represent me. All of those names are names I have taken for myself, and all of them serve different purposes but all of them are ... me. Some of them are more sympathetically tied to me than others, but they are all me, the same way that I am me when I am a bunch of leaves or a swarm of bees or a crow." She frowns, then. "I suppose I should ask him. It is important to me to still have that tattoo, but I had not thought of it that way." A pause. "Thank you, Mei."

"You're welcome," Mei says with a smile. "I'm glad if I could help. You're right, really, that all of our names are us. For me personally I'm Mei far more often than I'm Parhelion, even if I'm really both of them at the same time, you know?" She opens the beer and comes back to sit down at the table again. "Also," she adds, "as you now know, Shadow Names are more subject to change. But it's really something for the two of you to figure out, as it pertains to you."

She rests her chin on her hand, and looks across the table at Mei. "You know," Fox answers, "this only reaffirms my belief that you belong here. But this is something you should discuss with Zoya and Vasha. We'd have two Obrimos, but I think that's a good thing. Leta, I think, wants to be a Firebird also."

"I will," Mei says as she takes another sip of her beer, then she looks at the bottle and says, "I mean I just kind of showed up and helped myself to drinks. I've basically already invited myself in." A joke, though.

Laughter rolls out from Fox, then, and she lets out a contented sigh. "That's basically what I did," she points out. "Except I wheedled Vasha into buying me pelmeni, and just never left."

Mei stops with her bottle most of the way to her mouth again and then turns to look at the fridge. "Do you think there's any here?" she asks, already getting up to go raid the fridge for food. "If there is, I call dibs. You're not my Master any more so I don't have to just let you have them."

And that prompts a gasp, and a squeal, and Fox hopping up to race Mei to the fridge for the leftover pelmeni. "YOU CAN'T HAVE MY LEFTOVERS!" she shrieks, though she's probably mostly joking.