Revision as of 01:10, 11 August 2020 by Spider(talk | contribs)(Created page with "{{Log | content-warning=Abuse, murder, child abandonment, memory loss, overtly sexual flirting, non-sexual D/s dynamics. | cast=Sturm and Teagan | setting=Text messa...")
They're a Summer Courtier and they came out of my body.
Sturm
Oh shit
Wait that'd make them like
oh shit
Teagan
Oh shit?
Sturm
I didn't catch that you said
They were a summer.
So. shit.
Teagan
They saw my Fetch die.
And Sigrun knows my deadname now
And my Fetch was lynched
I thought - i was told - she was hanged and I thought it was
You know
Legal
Sturm
Oof.
Teagan
I guess that was the implication he wanted me to have
Sturm
That's... bad.
Teagan
It all happened a very long time ago
Sturm
Sorry that's a dramatic understatement
Teagan
You want to know the worst part?
I remember the fucking dog and I don't remember my children
I don't know if I blocked it out or if it's in some part of me that's hanging out there on the Thorns
Sturm
I know winter doesn't usually stay positive, but ould you like some small good news? The silver lining?
Teagan
Okay
?
Sturm
Well you found your kid for starters. Also you learned how to read, and learning how to read is what found your kid. In the end. Also also we didn't even have to go dig through a dusty archive to do it.
Also like. Obviously I wouldn't wish the shit we go through on anyone but like.
They'll understand?
They went through it too, so.
Teagan
Sigrun is happy. I mean, she's not happy happy. But I think she's started knitting an ugly Christmas sweater for Bailey already.
Sturm
... that sounds like Sigrun :p
how're you feeling tho?
It seems like a lot.
Teagan
I don't know.
I haven't told them that I killed their father.
Sturm
Do you want me to poke at that, or let it alone?
Teagan
Maybe they'll hate me.
Sturm
I mean
If you want my perspective on that.
Teagan
Yeah
Sturm
My dad hit me a lot.
He hit my mom a lot too.
I sure fuckin wish my mom'd killed that asshole.
So.
I get the feeling
Teagan
I don't know who they were left with
After
You know
I left
Accidentally
Sturm
Yeah. That's fair.
... but if he was as shitty to them as he was to you.
Well. I'd have taken anything over that, y'know?
Teagan
I don't know. I can't remember.
But I killed him because he tried to kill my dog.
Look, my life Before is sort of a trigger minefield so uh
That's why i don't talk about it
Sturm
I know.
Teagan
For anyone else more than me
Sturm
Yeah but.
Teagan
But what I need you to know is that Bailey is fifteen years younger than I am
And I don't regret killing Ramón.
I'm only telling you his name because Sigrún knows it, and June heard it
And I'm never going to say it again.
Sturm
He sounds like a piece of shit.
So.
Probably for the best.
Teagan
He was a rich asshole who basically bought me from my dad because my dad was broke and had a lot of kids to feed and he thought I was young enough to "train up" to be obedient and I don't regret killing him except for how it hurt Bailey and Oso.
I paid for it.
I did my time. It's over.
But now there's Bailey.
Sturm
I see.
What do you need from me, love?
Also, I'm getting food on the way - who else is awake and hungry?
Teagan
I think it's just me. June took some Clarity damage from Bailey so she went to the Hollow to sleep it off.
I need you to tell me I'm not a monster
And that Bailey will forgive me eventually
Sturm
You're not a monster, you're a survivor.
Bailey is a Summer, I think the person they are now will understand what you did, even if the person they were then didn't get it.
They're here trying to work through shit, right?
That sounds like the road to forgiveness to me.
Teagan
I hope so.
A month ago I didn't know this person existed and now I would die for them and the only thing that bothers me about that is that I wish I could actually FEEL the feelings I know are supposed to be there
Sturm
What do you mean?
With the memory?
Teagan
I ... made that person
I carried them. I ... went through pain and tears to bring them into the world. I must have fed them and cared for them.
I must have loved them. Somewhere, there must be some part of me that does.
But it's as gone as my eyes.
Sturm
Yeah. :c
We could go look for it?
Of it's in the thorns
Or we can dive through your dreams. Like we did to me and Sig.
Teagan
I wouldn't ask anyone to see what I lived through.
I want it back
But maybe it's just too much to ask
Sturm
You don't have to ask because I would do it in a heartbeat regardless.
I know it's important.
It seems like this is a thing you need.
Teagan
I don't want to let Bailey down again.
I'm SUPPOSED to love them.
This emptiness where they should be is
Like being a mirror again
Sturm
Sounds like a reason to get your memory back.
Or at least try to
You have a whole family supporting you this time, T
Teagan
I know.
I just don't want to hurt all of you with
The things I survived
Sturm
I wouldn't be a very good winter if I was unwilling to put myself through a struggle to help a member of the Freehold. That's the baseline of my philosophy, and youre so much more than just some random lost. I'd take bullets and axes and reality-splintering hits for you.
... and I'm the newest member of the Motley. Our family is tough. Let us support you.
Teagan
I'm afraid.
For twenty years I have pretended that I just sprang fully formed from the Thorns
I've tried to ... never engage any of it
Sturm
Well. Maybe not for twenty years, but... Same. And then you came along and dragged me by the collar towards vulnerability and eventually recovery.
So. Being scared is pretty natural
When it comes to. That.
Don't you remember how scared I was when I let you in my dream that night?
Teagan
By the collar. Heh.
I do.
I'm just used to it not being me.
I'm used to
Taking care and being strong for.
Sturm
I meant the collar of my shirt, but feel free to laugh :P
... and I get that but.
Teagan
I know what you meant
Sturm
Let us take care of you.
Let me take care of you.
Teagan
Okay.
Sturm
I live to serve, remember? Really, you're doing me a huge favor by letting me take care of you.
There. Have a little ego stroking. As a treat :P
Teagan
I was ... actually thinking that but I didn't know if that was weird in context.
Sturm
I mean.
Yeah okay it's a little weird but.
Look let's just smirk and nod and not think too deeply about 50% of that joke's context. :P
Teagan
I love you.
Sturm
I love you too. Which is why I've got breakfast for you. At 5 AM... and am also wearing this cute apron because I forgot to take it off at work.
I'll see you soon.
Teagan
Good. Because I know what I want.
I want that food and then to take that cute apron off you and have a long slow cuddlefuck that makes me feel like a real person again.