Logs:Things I'll Never Say Again

Content Warning Abuse, murder, child abandonment, memory loss, overtly sexual flirting, non-sexual D/s dynamics.

Cast Sturm and Teagan

Setting Text messages.

Log Teagan doll shit is so fucked up Sturm What's wrong babe? I just got off work Teagan you know Bailey? Sturm 'Fraid not Who's that? Teagan My child. They're a Summer Courtier and they came out of my body. Sturm Oh shit Wait that'd make them like oh shit Teagan Oh shit? Sturm I didn't catch that you said They were a summer. So. shit. Teagan They saw my Fetch die. And Sigrun knows my deadname now And my Fetch was lynched I thought - i was told - she was hanged and I thought it was You know Legal Sturm Oof. Teagan I guess that was the implication he wanted me to have Sturm That's... bad. Teagan It all happened a very long time ago Sturm Sorry that's a dramatic understatement Teagan You want to know the worst part? I remember the fucking dog and I don't remember my children I don't know if I blocked it out or if it's in some part of me that's hanging out there on the Thorns Sturm I know winter doesn't usually stay positive, but ould you like some small good news? The silver lining? Teagan Okay ? Sturm Well you found your kid for starters. Also you learned how to read, and learning how to read is what found your kid. In the end. Also also we didn't even have to go dig through a dusty archive to do it. Also like. Obviously I wouldn't wish the shit we go through on anyone but like. They'll understand? They went through it too, so. Teagan Sigrun is happy. I mean, she's not happy happy. But I think she's started knitting an ugly Christmas sweater for Bailey already. Sturm ... that sounds like Sigrun :p how're you feeling tho? It seems like a lot. Teagan I don't know. I haven't told them that I killed their father. Sturm Do you want me to poke at that, or let it alone? Teagan Maybe they'll hate me. Sturm I mean If you want my perspective on that. Teagan Yeah Sturm My dad hit me a lot. He hit my mom a lot too. I sure fuckin wish my mom'd killed that asshole. So. I get the feeling Teagan I don't know who they were left with After You know I left Accidentally Sturm Yeah. That's fair. ... but if he was as shitty to them as he was to you. Well. I'd have taken anything over that, y'know? Teagan I don't know. I can't remember. But I killed him because he tried to kill my dog. Look, my life Before is sort of a trigger minefield so uh That's why i don't talk about it Sturm I know. Teagan For anyone else more than me Sturm Yeah but. Teagan But what I need you to know is that Bailey is fifteen years younger than I am And I don't regret killing Ramón. I'm only telling you his name because Sigrún knows it, and June heard it And I'm never going to say it again. Sturm He sounds like a piece of shit. So. Probably for the best. Teagan He was a rich asshole who basically bought me from my dad because my dad was broke and had a lot of kids to feed and he thought I was young enough to "train up" to be obedient and I don't regret killing him except for how it hurt Bailey and Oso. I paid for it. I did my time. It's over. But now there's Bailey. Sturm I see. What do you need from me, love? Also, I'm getting food on the way - who else is awake and hungry? Teagan I think it's just me. June took some Clarity damage from Bailey so she went to the Hollow to sleep it off. I need you to tell me I'm not a monster And that Bailey will forgive me eventually Sturm You're not a monster, you're a survivor. Bailey is a Summer, I think the person they are now will understand what you did, even if the person they were then didn't get it. They're here trying to work through shit, right? That sounds like the road to forgiveness to me. Teagan I hope so. A month ago I didn't know this person existed and now I would die for them and the only thing that bothers me about that is that I wish I could actually FEEL the feelings I know are supposed to be there Sturm What do you mean? With the memory? Teagan I ... made that person I carried them. I ... went through pain and tears to bring them into the world. I must have fed them and cared for them. I must have loved them. Somewhere, there must be some part of me that does. But it's as gone as my eyes. Sturm Yeah. :c We could go look for it? Of it's in the thorns Or we can dive through your dreams. Like we did to me and Sig. Teagan I wouldn't ask anyone to see what I lived through. I want it back But maybe it's just too much to ask Sturm You don't have to ask because I would do it in a heartbeat regardless. I know it's important. It seems like this is a thing you need. Teagan I don't want to let Bailey down again. I'm SUPPOSED to love them. This emptiness where they should be is Like being a mirror again Sturm Sounds like a reason to get your memory back. Or at least try to You have a whole family supporting you this time, T Teagan I know. I just don't want to hurt all of you with The things I survived Sturm I wouldn't be a very good winter if I was unwilling to put myself through a struggle to help a member of the Freehold. That's the baseline of my philosophy, and youre so much more than just some random lost. I'd take bullets and axes and reality-splintering hits for you. ... and I'm the newest member of the Motley. Our family is tough. Let us support you. Teagan I'm afraid. For twenty years I have pretended that I just sprang fully formed from the Thorns I've tried to ... never engage any of it Sturm Well. Maybe not for twenty years, but... Same. And then you came along and dragged me by the collar towards vulnerability and eventually recovery. So. Being scared is pretty natural When it comes to. That. Don't you remember how scared I was when I let you in my dream that night? Teagan By the collar. Heh. I do. I'm just used to it not being me. I'm used to Taking care and being strong for. Sturm I meant the collar of my shirt, but feel free to laugh :P ... and I get that but. Teagan I know what you meant Sturm Let us take care of you. Let me take care of you. Teagan Okay. Sturm I live to serve, remember? Really, you're doing me a huge favor by letting me take care of you. There. Have a little ego stroking. As a treat :P Teagan I was ... actually thinking that but I didn't know if that was weird in context. Sturm I mean. Yeah okay it's a little weird but. Look let's just smirk and nod and not think too deeply about 50% of that joke's context. :P Teagan I love you. Sturm I love you too. Which is why I've got breakfast for you. At 5 AM... and am also wearing this cute apron because I forgot to take it off at work. I'll see you soon. Teagan Good. Because I know what I want. I want that food and then to take that cute apron off you and have a long slow cuddlefuck that makes me feel like a real person again. Sturm That sounds delightful. I'm yours :) Teagan See you soon, doll. <3 Sturm <3 Message #teagan-sturm-texts