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TRIGGER WARNING: EXPLICIT DISCUSSION OF SEX, DOMESTIC ABUSE, SEXUAL ASSAULT
Not long after Laura takes off, Johnny's necklace starts to get warm. There's warm, and warmer, and then hot. There's a reason why they gave him this necklace, after all. And then they appear, literally right next to him. They know he knows.
Vorpal straightens as he feels the necklace warm up. It's not exactly a surprise, so to speak. When they appear, he turns their way and offers a smile, a touch strained but sincere. "Hey, Teagan. I don't suppose you managed to miss all that gruff Autumn posturing, did you?"
One eyebrow rises, and then the other. "What do you think?" The Mirrorskin asks, kind of leaning in against Vorpal. They are, after all, essentially a cat in mirror-dark clothing. "Would you prefer I had or had not heard your 'gruff Autumn posturing'?"
"I dunno. Probably not. It was kinda bitchy, just. Ngh." He shoves a hand through his hair, looking away. "I didn't want to be an ass. It was just important she understood. She said she wanted to get to know me- that's the last two years of my life, you know? So she literally kinda asked for it."
They lean their head on his shoulder, and then stand up to look him in the eyes -- well, as best they can, anyway, since they don't exactly have eyes; their broken-mirror eyes reflect back the darkness. "I mean, if you needed to have that moment, then, you needed to have that moment." Teagan bites their lower lip for a moment, adding, "I thought -- I thought I'd told you how much it matters to me that you did what you did, Johnny." There's a brief flash of uncertainty, the sort of thing Teagan doesn't usually willingly show. "I mean. You know we missed you. And I thought you knew -- like -- how -- we know how important it was that you did what you did. I honestly have no idea how hard it is. None. And I don't think it really -- hit for me. How much being more of a Story is a sort of an armor, than being a Person."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't say so out loud." They've never been really good at saying things out loud, anyway. They've gotten better, but it's not the top of their skillsets, this 'talking about feelings' stuff. "And I'm glad I heard. Even if you think you were bitchy. It didn't sound that way to me, not really."
He tenses a little bit when Teagan hones in on specifically what he didn't want to talk about. He moves to keep them close, but looks elsewhere. He listens, though. "... I mean. I assumed it mattered. Things are different. Sig smiles when she looks at me. June is way quicker to snuggle up and smooch. There's tension you're not carrying anymore, and- I dunno if it ever mattered to Glitch. I think the intensity mighta been a plus in his book, but I don't think he minds it gone, either."
"But- yeah. It's very much armor. Like- there was so much Story built up, it was almost inconceivable that something could challenge that, and it was just- harder to... hurt. I mean it was bad when I did hurt, it was- god. Everything was intense. Everything."
He finally looks back their way. "But how were you supposed to know? It wasn't like I talked about it. Or thought to talk about it. I didn't have to think much. Just do and feel. There's more thinking, and that means more ways to feel lousy."
"... it's okay. It's not like you guys were withholding that. It just didn't occur to say it. Lotta times, obvious stuff doesn't. Happens to me." He squeezes at them lightly. Reassuring himself they're really there.
Sometimes, Teagan's gift for honing in on sensitive targets isn't just about popping out of Light-Shy and chopping briarwolves literally in half in one swing of their machete. Sometimes it's about zeroing in on the shit that people don't want to talk about. It's ... a gift? Maybe? Sort of? Kind of? It's certainly something, anyway. And for the second time in twenty-four hours, they hone in on the stuff that needs talking about.
"Sig smiled when she looked at you before," Teagan chides gently, as if circling back to that 'don't see only the negative' from yesterday's conversation; their right hand rises to rest on his chest, palm scar to unscarred heart, even if his tank top's between their skin and his. That gesture is its own reminder. This is how we fit, my scars and yours. "And you're right. I'm less afraid for you. That I'm going to lose you to your own power." A pause, and they add, as if an affirmation, a reiteration of what he already knows: "I was never afraid of you, Johnny. Never."
A long slow breath in. "I feel like I should have said 'I'm proud of you,' because I knew it was difficult. I feel like I should have known that it was something you needed to hear. I didn't, and I didn't think about it. Maybe in part because I was so relieved to have you home. All I've been thinking about is like -- 'Johnny's home, let's make sure everything is okay between all of us.' That's what I've been thinking about. And in part, I should have been thinking 'Johnny has been isolated from us, what does he need?' more than a lot of other things. It was a mistake on my part. I try to -- "
"I try to see people better than I saw you in this instance." Because they're a mirror. Because they're so much better at seeing other people's feelings than dealing with their own that not being good at dealing with other people's feelings? Feels like a failure. They lean in, kiss the corner of his mouth. They're here. Really.
"I mean. When she wasn't stuck being the one to try to plan the exit strategy if I went mad with power, she did, yeah." There's not even a drop of resentment- she was, after all, keeping the rest of his beloveds safe. "But yeah. She did, you're right." He glances down at the hand on his chest and lays his own over it, sighing as he listens. There's things he handles compliments well for. Others are harder. Like being reassured he never left Teagan scared of him.
"That's not a bad thing to be focused on, Teagan. There were things that needed addressed and checked and your attention made a difference. It's as much my fault as anyone else's. It's not like I brought it up, and I sort of set myself up for disappointment. I spent a lot of time thinking about how well I was doing and how clearly awesome all the work I did was gonna be when everyone showed back up. It was a lot easier to do that than wonder if everyone ever would, you know? And don't blame yourself- mirrors can only reflect what they're shown. I kept that tucked down pretty hard."
He rests his hands on their waist and returns the gesture after. Cornerkisses are pretty nice, if you ask him.
"I mean, I can definitely think of several times when she was not doing that. Many times, now that I think about it." See prior comments that Teagan would probably explode if they were not able to make sex jokes. Especially when things are tense. They wrap their other arm around his waist, leaving their hand on his chest. Key to lock. The only scars on the Mirror and the only blank place on the Helldiver.
They tip their head back and forth slightly. "I mean. I could have asked," Teagan answers, but they're not going to push it too hard. He is right, a Mirror can only reflect back what they're given. "And honestly, I just -- I was so glad for what you accomplished that it never even occurred to me to tell you, 'hey, Johnny, the thing you went to do? You did it, and that was amazing, and I'm so happy and so relieved and I have to worry about you so much less.' Because -- even if that's true, that means I have to say that I was worried."
"But listen. Um. While we're talking about the things that happened, or didn't happen. There's something you need to know that happened in Miami. And some things that -- " That the rest of the motley know now because Sigrun pried them out of Teagan like a damn crowbar.
"Well... I can't," Johnny admits quietly. "I don't remember much stuff from back then. A lot of it just gets muddled up in the stuff I try not to think about. I believe you, though." Swing anna miss. Went right over his head, apparently.
He listens to all the little things they say, nodding, taking it in and trying to internalize their relief and pride in his hard work. But then comes that last comment, and he blinks. "What happened? Do I need to make a road trip?" He suspects not- they're all of them capable of leaving anyone ruing their own lives.
"... Johnny." Teagan laughs a little at that, pulling him in closer with the arm around his waist, and kissing the corner of his mouth. "If you tell me that you can't remember Sigrun sexytimes, during which she definitely was not thinking about whether or not you were a danger, not only am I going to be very sad, but I will learn to read just so I can write 'motley orgy' on our calendar to rectify that." They're probably joking, at least about the learning to read bit.
A little shake of their head. "No, I -- " The call is coming from inside the house! Teagan's forehead wrinkles up, and they bite their lower lip, looking for words. "Did ... did Glitch tell you what happened? With the iron?"
It takes a second, but Teagan lays things out, and he slaps his forehead in obvious realization. "I- wasn't... thinking about those. Okay. Fair enough." He ends up laughing quietly. That's a good point to make and he accepts it easily.
"With the iron? What iron? Glitch didn't mention anything about iron. Nobody did. What are you talking about, Teagan?"
A small smile, and they lean in, brushing their nose against his. See? The Mirror can always find the thing to keep Johnny afloat, can always reflect back another piece of the situation that he didn't see in order to help him recontextualize.
"Glitch nearly killed me. On accident. With iron." Teagan pulls in their lower lip. "We, um. I didn't talk to him for days. Because -- " They're trying to look for the thread, to pull it out. "Okay, so, we were -- patrolling a trod, and we got into a fight, and Glitch went Red. I didn't know he was planning on going Red -- he asked me for permission, because I was the one in charge; Significant wasn't with us. Thank God." They're rambling, and the words come quickly, like broken bits of glass scattering across the floor, pouring out of their mouth. "He had this stupid fucking iron sword, basically just a bar with a sharp edge, I don't even know where he got it, but he had it -- and -- he went Red, carrying iron."
"And when he ran out of things to hit, I was the next closest thing."
"What?"
That's the first word. Disbelief and shock, writ large across a shadowed face.
He listens, primarily, trying to process, which- is rough. He's not dumb, but his knowledge is the studied kind. He's quick with his fingers, and it takes him time to take in all this. His expression waxes further horrified the further in they go. "I- are we talking about Red Revenge? The same contract that I am, as far as I can recall, still under strict instructions to absolutely never learn? Can- I ask what was happening? I feel like I must be missing something. Help me?"
They take in a long, slow breath, one of those breaths that Teagan is fond of using to steady themself; their arm tightens around Johnny's waist at his reaction. That disbelief and shock, the heavily-emphasized word, shakes the Darkling in a way he's never seen before.
It can be difficult to remember that, as tough as they are, a Mirror is essentially glass. You can make it bulletproof, you can make it fireproof, but if you hit it in exactly the right way, it will still shatter. And here, the cracks show.
"Yes. He... he was being stupid. His words. Showing off. He hadn't joined Summer yet, he -- was being insecure, self-destructive. I didn't even know for sure that he knew that contract, I didn't know that was what he was intending to do. I just knew he wanted me to let him ... off the leash. Show off. We were fighting hobs. It was -- disproportionate response. But... I mean. I cut things in half with a machete. I -- I didn't understand what he was saying."
Vorpal listens. The one thing he's never really had much of is a temper. Ego? Absolutely. But he's pretty even keeled, and that holds true here. "So- okay. So it wasn't so much a single awful decision as a comedy of errors caused by poor communication. I know you'd never tell him to do that knowingly, and I know he'd never override your best judgment. That's- relieving, at least. How- did... you get out of that without at least a scar to show for it?"
He knows for a fact they don't have any new scars!
"He's the one who decided to carry iron into the middle of a hunting party full of his motley and then use Red Revenge," Teagan points out quietly, lest he entirely let Glitch off the hook. Oh no, Vorps. This was still a bad idea. A colossally horrible idea. They slowly work their lower lip in their teeth.
"I turned back time. I saw -- " They stop. "We'll get to that in a minute. I -- I turned back time. Six seconds. That's all I get. Six seconds to make something right. Even if I die, I get six seconds to try to not die. And so I turned back time."
"It never happened. Except it happened to me."
That's- a frighteningly good point, and leaves Vorpal grinding his teeth in frustration. He's looking for ways to make this less awful, to cut down on the reactions it causes, but that's not going well. Which... well, is fair. It's an awful scenario being described, and Teagan's just ensuring it doesn't get soft-sold. He can appreciate that, even if he hates what it means.
"... fair. Shit. Okay. So that makes sense, and then-" And that explains his question, and leaves Vorpal shutting his eyes for a moment. A brief moment. "... Are you okay now. I- can't imagine. I've never had anything close to that happen."
They let him have his reactions, because, well, those are his reactions, and he's entitled to them. Literally, he's entitled. Those are his feelings. Teagan waits them out, rather patiently. They swallow, watching his expression.
"We're okay now. Me and Glitch. We're stronger together than we were before, if anything. He did something shitty, he did something foolish, he joined Summer, he did his recompense, Sigrun yelled at him, I didn't talk to him for days... June was very disappointed, and ... "
Now they lean in and press their nose to the side of his neck, the way they do when they're really, really upset. Kind of hiding their face. "The reason why I'm telling you this isn't just because of The Incident itself." And it's possible to hear Teagan pronouncing the words with capital letters. The Incident. "Why it affected me the way it did is because of -- " and here their throat tightens, dries up, closes around the words they're trying to say. "-- my past."
That giant black lockbox they never, ever open.
Hearing that they're okay helps. A lot. He's not sure he can handle processing the kind of upset that would have caused if he'd been present when it happened, and it's easier to let things slide. He doesn't often let his Wyrd nature dictate his responses, but here, the too-cavalier side is what he needs to let the past stay where it is.
The alternative isn't something to speak of.
"Okay. Good." He's... calming down, forcing it, but he frowns and interjects when Teagan starts trying to force things.
"Hey. Hey. I- will listen. If this is something you need me to know for you. But if you don't need me to know what happened Before, I don't need to know for me. I know who you are, now. And I'll share in any secret you want- but don't tell me to be Fair or something. Only if you need me to know."
They hide their face in the side of his neck, and sneak their hand underneath the hem of his tank top so that they can press their palm to his chest. Key to lock. Their scar to the scarless skin over his heart. It soothes them in a way that they find it very difficult to speak out loud. One arm around his waist, the other hand feeling the pulse of his heart underneath their palm, the way in which they lock together.
"No, Johnny. If you don't know, then... " Their voice is reedy and thin. "Everyone else knows now. And it's -- context. It." Those words coming in fractions and fragments. "I am coming to accept," and their voice is a thin, nearly-broken whisper, "that who I am is built of the broken pieces of who I was." A deep inhalation, like they're gasping for air. "Johnny."
"When I saw a man that I love come at me with a sword, it wasn't the first time that I saw a man who was supposed to love me come at me to hurt me." It's painfully obvious, isn't it, when they put it like that? "But I killed the other one. He was the first rapist I ever killed."
"My husband."
He pulls them close once they seem to need it, trying to emphasize that they're safe with him. He doesn't seem to need to say it. So he doesn't. "Okay. I just wanted you to know that it's okay if I don't know things. I'm here, and I'm listening."
Listening? Yes. Expecting, though? He definitely isn't expecting what he hears. Not that Teagan was married. Not that their husband tried to kill them. Not that they killed him b-okay, no, that bit he actually does expect when they get that far. That makes sense. But it's still jarring, and he tries his best to soothe Teagan, stroking their back, nodding faintly. He lets them tell their story. He hasn't got words. Not yet.
"I got tired, Johnny. I got tired. He hurt me, and I got tired." If that isn't just ... a way... to describe finally snapping and killing someone. "He hurt me, and I finally got tired, and I -- stabbed him. A lot. With my butcher knife. I was making dinner, and he came at me again," the way they say 'again' has so much weariness in it, like it was old news.
"I touched the door with blood on my hands. And that's how I ended up in the Hedge." Teagan curls into him, as if they could become as small as Glitch, as small as June, easily protected, hiding against him.
"They hanged my Fetch for murder. And then I... never talked about it. I was never going to, ever. But. It took me a while, after it happened -- the thing. The Glitch. It took me a while before I could look at him and not see -- "
"... not see your worst memories chasing you into your happiest places." Vorpal murmurs quietly. "I won't pretend I have any idea what you went through. I don't. I've never experienced that sort of betrayal. I hope I never do- and I'm sorry you ever did." He hugs them, as do his silhouettes, swallowing them in dark pressure, pulling them tight. A full-body hug.
No one else had summarized it quite that way, and Teagan just sort of collapses into that full-body hug when he says that first sentence, when he finishes theirs quite so succinctly. There's nothing more to say for a long while, they just cling to him. Finally, when they find words again, they offer: "I came to check on you, and I made it about me." The sentence is a verbal headdesk.
"Eh, nah. Two different conversations that happened to be adjacent," Johnny reassures, squeezing gently. "You were bringing me up to speed. I told you earlier I felt behind the mark, you're helping to fix that. Don't apologize." There's no relaxation of that gentle pressure. They're safe. Welcome. Home.
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