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Klaire/Psyche:
Klaire had made it to the green room after her meeting with her client. Luckily that would be another easier case to solve. She could handle it after handling herself.
She was dressed in a coat despite the not super cold weather, and was walking Rook in his vest, who was EXCITED.
When she entered the place, she nods to the server at the front. "Im looking for Jeremiah, is he availible still?"
Jay/Sirius:
"Mmhmm!" She pointed towards one of the tables close to the entrance that was Jeremiah's usual perch, the Warlock checking something on his phone as he kept an eye on the goings on. When Klaire was pointed his way he looked up and gave her a warm smile.
Klaire/Psyche:
A small smile to the woman and a wave to Jay. "Thank you." She readjusted the leash and approached the Warlock.
She still looked...unhealthy. Slightly sunken features, and while brushed, her hair had lost much of its luster. The bags under her eyes had faded at least, evidence she had gotten some sleep.
"Mind if I join you? Or should we talk upstairs?"
Jay/Sirius:
"Wherever is more comfortable for you at the moment."
Klaire/Psyche:
"Might be easier upstairs... less.... people." She looks around the cafe.
Jay/Sirius:
"Sounds good." He nodded, hopping up from his seat and leading the way into the studio. As per usual he claimed a spot on the piano bench, letting her choose a seat as she wished.
"So...I haven't had a chance to ask around about a shrink, but I'm guessing that was more for you than for Ylva when you asked me about it?"
Klaire/Psyche:
She follows up, helping Rook up the stairs. She sat on the ground to pet him.
"Ylva wanted me to talk to someone, but I figured it would be easier to talk to someone in the community instead of a general psychologist."
Jay/Sirius:
"Definitely. Being able to touch on the weird will make it a lot easier." After thinking a moment he moved to join Klaire and Rook on the floor, staying close but not crowding her. "How are you feeling at the moment?"
Klaire/Psyche:
She doesnt seem to mind, Rook's tail wags but his main focus was on Klaire. She stared off at the back eall while petting him.
"Nauseous, still. Its constant. And I'm tired and have no energy. But now I'm Deputy to Bones, so I cant say that and need to help so that no one else gets hurt by these awful things."
Jay/Sirius:
"Remember what I told you before about pouring from a damaged cup?" He inquired, watching her with a quiet look. "Make sure you're getting the help you need too so you can work at your best."
Klaire/Psyche:
"No, I don't remember." She pets Rook gently, playing with the fur while he was there.
"Ylva thinks its an eating disorder, but I honestly don't think it is. I feel nauseous but I'm fine with my self image. I've never really cared for what was...pretty or correct. I just feel stressed enough by whats going on that food is the least of my concerns."
Jay/Sirius:
"It doesn't have to be a body image thing. You've already shown you have a penchant for self-flagellation when you've made a mistake, and the blow up with Charleville and the fall out from that has had a big impact on you."
"I have a feeling that on some level you don't feel like you're worth taking care of so you're not, and that's how it's manifesting."
Klaire/Psyche:
She keeps staring off into the corner of the room, using Rook to focus on just her hands.
"I...guess...." A pause. "I want to prove that I'm not...just that classist dumbass that sees herself as the victim for the things she does. I'm just...so stressed its hard to focus on doing that."
Jay/Sirius:
"Right. Getting down to the root of that stress will help work through it." He nodded quietly, pausing briefly as a thought popped into his head but setting it aside for the moment. "Other than Bones, what would you say are the larger strands of this particular Gordian knot?"
Klaire/Psyche:
"Charleville, who I have apologized to. Fox and Lesja, probably Kenzie again, and likely several more that I don't even realize I've offended."
Jay/Sirius:
"Those are places to start, then. I'll admit I don't know Fox and Lesja as well as I should, but talking to folks at the Lodge might offer some good suggestions on what tact to take. Kenzie I still haven't run into as of yet."
Klaire/Psyche:
She nods slowly. "Yeah...I should do that."
A look over at him, finally. "And I think I owe you an apology as well."
Jay/Sirius:
"Oh?" He met her gaze when she looked his way, his own expression calm and curious in equal measure.
Klaire/Psyche:
She takes a slow and long breath. "You've put yourself and your cadre at risk by taking me in after all of that. I appreciate you... helping keep me safe. I'm sorry I acted that way at the riot, and you felt it was necessary to me to take me in."
Jay/Sirius:
"Apology accepted." He said with a smile. "Speaking of, the girls are looking forward to meeting you properly. We'll have to have you come by soon when everyone's home."
Klaire/Psyche:
She nods, looking better that he accepted the apology.
"I...would love to meet them when everyone is free." A pause and she purses her lips. "What...am I currently to the cadre? I had assumed I was a temporary ward, but between the gathering and Bones, I'm wondering if I misunderstood."
Jay/Sirius:
"At the moment you're more under my direct protection rather than the cadre as a whole, although we haven't made an announcement yet. They wanted to get to know you better before we brought you in properly."
Klaire/Psyche:
She nods along and then pauses in shock. "I- oh, I see."
She pets Rook and shakes her head. "Are you certain that's a good idea? To... bring me in properly."
Jay/Sirius:
"I do, yes." He nodded, watching her curiously. "Why wouldn't I?"
Klaire/Psyche:
She frowns. "I... Bones asked earlier, so I'll give the same answer."
She snuggles Rook. "I'm still figuring out who I am. I don't think I am ready to be trusted in a cadre. I have some self improvement before I should even be...considered for these things."
Jay/Sirius:
"You say that like we all aren't still learning from day to day." He replied with a small smile. "Especially with our cadre, when our purpose is to teach and guide others. We're happy to work right alongside you, offer what support you need as you grow."
Klaire/Psyche:
She shakes her head, sinking a bit into Rook's floof to avoid having to look at him again. "I...really think you should reconsider. I've been a part of this for 4 months and have done nothing but make a fool of myself. I'm not fit to join your cadre, there's nothing I can give back to help. I appreciate what the Soulwardens are doing to help me but...you're better off asking others than myself to join."
Jay/Sirius:
"Nothing, she says." He shook his head, looking her over as she curled around her pup. "You can give your insight, your perspective as a very skilled private investigator and psychic, your company...you have more to give than you think."
Klaire/Psyche:
She shakes her head, sitting up to reveal tears streaming down her face. Rook shifts to have his head in her lap to comfort her. She shakes her head again.
"No, I really shouldn't...can't. I'm just..." she throws a hand up in defeat. "I don't even know anymore."
Jay/Sirius:
His features softened as that dam finally cracked, scooting around to offer a hug and something to lean against as Rook did his thing. "You're worth the effort, Klaire. You may not feel like it at the moment, but you are."
Klaire/Psyche:
She leans into the hug, petting Rook and focusing on the pupper mostly. The tears continue to fall and she just quietly nods. Almost speaks...and quietly nods again.
Jay/Sirius:
He let the quiet linger for a time, giving her a good proper hug and resting his head against hers. "If it helps," he finally said, "I understand how scary it can feel to have a part of the foundation that makes you you crack and crumble, even if it was for a good reason. You'll find your footing again, I'm sure of it."
Klaire/Psyche:
She takes a few shaky breaths, the tears getting worse...and then things start lifting a bit off the ground. The piano bench, a few loose items and papers...the trashcan. She has her eyes closed at the moment and is wiping away the tears. Her voice is shaky and her lip trembles.
"It's scary...yes. I hate not knowing what I'm doing and...for the first time in a long time I don't. I really don't. And I hate it."
She leans into the hug. "I don't know what my footing is. I don't know where to look. Sorry..." the tears get worse again and she chokes back a sob, running her hands through Rook's fur.
Jay/Sirius:
Jay glanced back as the items in the room started floating, keeping an eye on them in case he needed to wrangle them back down himself but focusing on Klaire. "I've been there, and you have noting to apologize for. You have people who care for you who can help you find it."
Klaire/Psyche:
It was like weightlessness in space. She wasn't controlling them, not actively, it was just what her mind focused on when it needed to lash out. Aside from maybe the trashcan tipping, or the bench bumping something important, it wasn't much of a problem.
She nods slowly. "I know...and I'm...why are emotions to hard?" She takes a deep breath, and another, and a few papers fall to the ground.
"I guess I have some clue? None of it is...fucking...words are hard. I don't know."
Jay/Sirius:
"Because they're messy, but they're important. They make us human in the end." He gave her a quiet hug, using his own grasp of Forces to bring everything back down to the ground. "If you have something in mind that's a start, even if you can't put it into words."
Klaire/Psyche:
She is still getting the hang of the telekinesis, so its not hard to overpower hers, especially as she is calming down.
"I guess...I'm not usually an emotional person." She gestures to the now stationary objects. "Helps with that too."
Another deep breath, calming down. "It's...vague but I can try to put it into words? It may be more...rambling off ideas at this point."
Jay/Sirius:
"Or don't let yourself experience them, maybe. Conceal don't feel and all that." He smirked a touch, nodding. "Go ahead."
Klaire/Psyche:
She nods, that was a whole lther thing for her to unpack later.
"Bones talked to me about Shadow Names, and how differentiating Klaire from Psyche could protect me. And I'd need to figure out what I want to be Klaire, and what I want to be Psyche...but there's no guarantee it would work for me, as a Sleepwalker."
Jay/Sirius:
"Ah." He nodded quietly. "It should, I've know some who've taken that step. And my own is pretty well developed, so if you need any help with it I'm more than happy to help."
Klaire/Psyche:
She nods slowly, petting Rook.
"Yes please. I would like some help with it."
Jay/Sirius:
"You got it." He smiled softly, giving her a gentle hug. "Feeling any better?"
Klaire/Psyche:
She hugs his arm gently, then gives a shrug. "Yes... no... maybe? I feel tired."
Jay/Sirius:
"If you want to lay down for a bit here you're free to, or I can drive you home. Don't want you heading out by yourself until you're better rested."
Klaire/Psyche:
"I drove here?" She pauses. "Thank you."
Another long pause, and a nervous grimace. "How much are the fries here? I...don't want to eat in front of strangers..."
Jay/Sirius:
He started to answer then paused, smirking a touch. "You know, I'd have to check. Although the fact that you don't remember how you got here is a bit concerning..."
"For you, on the house." He gave one last hug and hopped up. "Want something to drink as well?"
Klaire/Psyche:
"No I definitely drove, and didn't teleport. Don't...I'm having an emotion, okay?" There was a touch of Ylva in her there.
A frown. "You don't need to do that, I can pay. You have a business to run...tea please?"
Jay/Sirius:
"Emote away, madame." He smiled, waving away her concern. "I can spare a meal for a friend. Be right back."
Klaire/Psyche:
Klaire, because she wanted this to be Klaire, nods. "I'll...hug Rook for my emotions." A pause before relenting. "Thank you...for being my friend. And for the fries." She lays down to snuggle with Rook, who happily obliges.
Jay/Sirius:
Jeremiah returned a few minutes later with a fresh set of fries for her and two teas, setting Klaire's down beside her and retaking his seat on the floor nearby with his own. "Voila. Enjoy."
Klaire/Psyche:
She had taken some time to take deep breaths after her mental breakdown with Rook there, and was sitting back up by the time Jay returned. She gratefully took the fries and tea, sipping the tea first.
"Thank you. I appreciate it."
Jay/Sirius:
"You're welcome." He replied with a smile, taking a sip of his own tea. "Happy to help."
Klaire/Psyche:
She takes a single fry, the smallest one she can find, and eats it, giving it a moment to see how her stomach reacts.
"I had a few moments to think. Which...was hard, because it meant more emotions. Rook helped immensely as he usually does." A pat to his head.
Jay/Sirius:
"Good. Glad you're able to have him to lean on as well." He looked the dog over with a smirk. "Always been more of a cat person, but he's a good one."
Klaire/Psyche:
"He was a SAR dog before I adopted him after his retirement. He has likely saved more lives than most people ever will." A proud head scratch.
Jay/Sirius:
"Most likely. You two are a good fit on that front, then, with the work you do."
Klaire/Psyche:
She nods. "Agreed. I've worked with others but...he is the one I lean on the most."
A deep breath. "What do you know about Psyche? The goddess I mean."
Jay/Sirius:
"The basic jist, but if you're going to be using her as your Shadow Name what she means to you is more important."
Klaire/Psyche:
"I loved myths in college, especially Greek and Roman. Psyche was my favorite for a long while, so it fit naturally when I started and didn't know what I was doing." Her right hand trails to her left shoulder.
"I first met Ylva when I got a Monarch tattoo. Monarch butterflies are Psyche's symbol as well, and she was given butterfly wings to match Eros's own feathered ones."
A smile. "I have jokingly called Ylva my Eros once or twice since picking my Shadow Name. But she is also the Goddess of spiritual connections, whereas Eros is sexual ones." A breath to get herself back on track. "I see Psyche as...a helping hand. Someone to bolster that spiritual connections between herself and others and to have the determination to complete Aphrodite's impossible tasks for those close to her. Not to get overly poetic but...that is my broad view."
Jay/Sirius:
Jeremiah listened intently as Klaire spoke, smiling a touch at the mention of Ylva and nodding as she finished. "Get as poetic as you like. The more detail you have in carving out that particular persona the better."
Klaire/Psyche:
She nods and closes her eyes for a minute.
"I...want Klaire to be the day to day me. I want Psyche to be..." she moves her hands to help gather her thoughts. "I guess a bit of a teacher? Or an example to help others." A snap. "A metamorphosis in others. Like a butterfly. I want Psyche to be...the side of me that cares about others improving themselves, and working with them to get there."
She opens her eyes. "Does that sound...reasonable?"
Jay/Sirius:
"Definitely. Sirius was built around a similar idea, acting as a guiding light to those who need it."
Klaire/Psyche:
A grimace. "I don't mean to step on toes then."
Jay/Sirius:
"Not at all." He waived off her concern with a reassuring smile. "How you lead someone on that path will be different than how I do, and having multiple viewpoints is never a bad thing."
Klaire/Psyche:
A nod slowly.
"I will... work on differentiating those sides of me then. How should...I go about that? Especially with others who know both?"
Jay/Sirius:
"Verbalizing that distinction is important at the start, if only because it cements the persona as its own facet of yourself. When working as Psyche you answer to that alone, and in time separating the two will become more comfortable."
"There can be physical aspects of the persona as well that come to the fore when it's active as well. How you walk, talk, exude a certain air about you, that sort of thing. I know you've seen that in both Magpie and myself, and possibly Bones as well. Pinning down what those would be for you-as-Psyche can help as well."
Klaire/Psyche:
She nods slowly, trying to envision it.
"Okay...I am Klaire for now then, not Psyche."
Jay/Sirius:
"Klaire it is." He nodded in return, taking a sip of his tea. "What would you consider to be the central pillar of Psyche to be, what everything else would hang off of?"
Klaire/Psyche:
She weighs that, thinking for a long moment. "To be caring and supportive of those around me...her. Someone that is there for others to help pick them up during hard times."
Jay/Sirius:
"Sounds good. How would that come across to others? Tone of voice, certain gestures, something else?"
Klaire/Psyche:
"It's hard to describe...Thespis has seen it actually. I am..." She pets Rook, and tries to conjure it in her head. "Careful and making sure the other person is comfortable and safe. I...can easily code switch on the job, especially when working with children. Not always as much on command."
Jay/Sirius:
"Gotcha. Look forward to seeing it at some point." He gave a little nod, smiling a touch. "Sounds like you have some of the groundwork in place already."
Klaire/Psyche:
She nods, reaching down and realizing most of her fries were gone. There was a tiny bit of guilt on her face that she tries to push down. "I will work on it...thank you again for the fries Jay."
A deep breath, moving her lips like she was talking silently, and a shake of her head. "I'll focus more on it when I am not quite as tired and have a...chance to use it."
Jay/Sirius:
"You're welcome." He watched that hint of guilt bloom with a slight quirk upward of his eyebrow, nodding as she continued. "Sounds good. It's not something you have to crank out right away; it took a couple weeks for me to shift properly from my last Shadow Name to this one, for example."
Klaire/Psyche:
She nods. "Is that...offer of a nap still on the table? Food has made me tired."
Jay/Sirius:
"Of course." He hopped up from his seat on the floor, ducking into the room beyond to make sure said couch was in nappable condition. When she followed she would find the actual recording section of the studio, all of the equipment and whatnot on one side of the room with a small break area on the other with said couch and a couple chairs. "Want me to get you at a particular time or just let you crash out?"
Klaire/Psyche:
She followed along with Rook. Looking around with an impressed look.
"Hm...lets go with an hour and a half or so? I want to be home for dinner I think. And...thank you again, for everything."
Jay/Sirius:
"Sounds good, and you're welcome." He smiled warmly, holding an arm out for a quick hug if she so desired. "That's what friends are for, yeah?"
Klaire/Psyche:
She gave him a hug, and yawned, trying to hide it.
"Yes, its what friends are for. But still, thank you." She kneels down after the hug to take Rook out of his vest for his comfort. "I'm going to try to get some sleep..."
Jay/Sirius:
"Alright. I'll be downstairs if you need me."
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