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Having arranged to meet with Alex privately, Eyrgjafa is sitting at her desk in the office suite she keeps rented for when she needs to meet with people outside her Haven. She's dressed reasonably nicely today - dark purple blouse with a black suit. While she's waiting, she's working on a document one of her business clients have asked to be translated.
Alex arrives at the door to the suite by way of Obfuscate, just to stay away from the prying eyes of any mortals who might worry about her presence and involve authorities of some manner or another, but once she gets there she drops its shrouding cover and knocks softly at the door.
Rising promptly, Eyrgjafa switches her laptop into "locked" mode as she goes to greet Alex, letting the Haunt in with a smile. "How've you been, Alex?" She gestures towards the small sitting area. "Feel free to pick a seat."
Alex smiles at Eyrgjafa, but at the question about how she's been she shrugs slightly and the smile fades a bit. "Some good and some bad?" she ventures as an answer as she steps inside, glances around the office, and then heads for a seat. "That's a part of what I wanted to talk to you about, really. The bad parts, more than the good." She sits down, smiles again, and asks, "what about you? How have you been?"
"Good, mostly. Trying to figure out a solution to our Inwictoos problem, I don't know if you've heard about that?" She takes a seat opposite Alex, crossing one leg over the other casually. "What did you want to talk about?"
"I've heard," Alex says with a soft laugh, but it's pretty humorless. "At least about one particular member of that group. If others have been a problem recently, I haven't heard about that, just about Anna-Marie harassing people she probably shouldn't be." Before answering the other question she hesitates and then asks, "can I trust you to keep things between us? It's a personal matter, and not one that puts anyone else in danger."
"No, just Cordray being a fool." Eyrgjafa smiles gently at Alex. "Of course. I might suggest you talk to others, if it's not something I can help with, but they won't hear about it from me without your permission."
"Thank you," Alex says, and then with a quiet and rueful laugh she adds, "I hate how it can be something so profoundly distressing to me, and at the same time make me feel like a fool for bringing it up." She looks away for a few moments before she goes on, when her attention returns to Eyrgjafa to watch her body language as well as listen to her words. "Does preying on people to stay alive ever bother you, though? Did it, if it doesn't now?"
"It does, sometimes, yes." Eyrgjafa says slowly, giving Alex an assessing glance. "Are you looking for advice on how to do so ethically, or ways to avoid having to do so?"
That answer seems to provide a little relief, and Alex lets out a soft sigh. "It does? That's... actually, I'm not really sure how to feel about that. The fact that I might be able to retain that much of my humanity is a relief, but the thought of dealing with this internal struggle on a regular basis for hundreds of years is terrifying." She rubs a hand across her forehead, then gives her head a shake and answers, "either? The lack of consent involved is what troubles me the most."
"Reasonable enough," Eyrgjafa admits. "Feeding on animals is an option, but one that goes away over time." She shrugs slightly. "There are ways to lengthen the time needed before it stops being possible, but none I can teach you at the moment." Whether that's a lack of knowledge or lack of permission is not something she's going to go into unless explicitly asked. "As for feeding ethically..." she hesitates there for a moment. "How aware are you of the other supernatural beings we share Philadelphia with?"
"Animals usually won't let me anywhere near them," Alex says with a slight shrug. "The ethics might be easier to stomach, but it's a short term solution, like you say, and it comes with its own logistical complications in trying to find a way to get enough blood to survive." She tilts her head slightly at the question. "That's a complicated question to answer. Did you ever hear anything about why..." she hesitates on the best way to refer to the man. "what my Sire did to me, or why?" She says the word with obvious distaste.
"Only in the vaguest terms about the what, and nothing of the why." Eyrgjafa's voice is gentle. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
"I was a member of one of those other supernatural communities, in a peripheral way," Alex answers with a slight shrug. "I'd rather not provide all of the details, because other people's secrets could be involved, but ghouls association with us is the closest equivalent I could think of. Not with things like the blood bond, and they didn't make me the way I was, but in that I had similar powers and less of the inhumanity." She gives her head a slow shake. "I went to one of them who I trust a few days ago, when I was getting hungry and despairing about the situation. They let me feed on them, and we learned I can't keep their blood down, so that's not an option."
Eyrgjafa nods. "If that community is the Seasonal one, it might be worth talking to them about any trauma you have relating to what was done to you. I have heard they undergo similar things, but not in any detail." She rubs her chin in thought for a moment. "Giving that feeding on them is not an option... how do you feel about going after creepers in bars? I know it might be harder for you to do by yourself, but a lot of us work in pairs from time to time."
"I hope you won't take offense if I avoid saying anything that might confirm or deny who my former community was," Alex says evasively. "Or maybe take it as a good sign that I won't be any more forthcoming with kindred secrets, when I can avoid it?" She gives a hint of a nod. "That's how I've mostly been handling it so far. The whole situation just always leaves me feeling... disgusted. With myself, with the situation. I know I have to eat often enough that I can avoid hurting people out of hunger, but I've really been struggling with it. Like I'm chipping away at important parts of my self identity just to survive."
"Of course. You are entitled to your secrets, just as they are to theirs." Eyrgjafa says, smiling gently at the other woman. "It can be difficult, I know, but you are not to blame for doing what you must to survive. That you want to do so in an ethical manner speaks well of you in itself."
"It's important to me. How do you deal with sating your hunger? If that's not too personal a question." Alex asks like she's not sure if that's even an acceptable question in vampire society, but hey, she can fall back on being a newbie who doesn't know better as an excuse.
"Mostly playing creeper bait, then turning the tables when they don't expect it," Eyrgjafa admits. "Occasionally finding a pretty girl and giving her a good time." She looks Alex in... well, not the eye, she doesn't want to come off as threatening the other woman, but certainly that vicinity. "Be careful about who you ask, some might take offence at the question."
"I suspect some of those approaches are going to be complicated tremendously for me, since most people don't want to get anywhere near me," Alex admits with a grimace, and then with a soft laugh she adds, "and it's really kind of weird whenever I run into someone who seems to find my creepiness attractive, but that's rare." But she nods. "Finding someone who is at least willing to look past being creeped out in the hopes of getting laid has been the most reliable for me. And at least it means at least they were consenting to a degree of intimacy, and since the bite feels good, it doesn't turn my stomach as badly. Unfortunately it's almost always men, which isn't my preference, so it makes the whole thing... awkward."
Eyrgjafa nods. "What clan you belong to does affect your options for feeding method, but ultimately it's a personal choice." She hesitates, uncrossing and then recrossing her legs. "If you're interested, I could take you along the next few times I go looking, let you see how I handle it directly?"
"Having people's reaction to you be fear complicates seduction," Alex says with a nod. "I just know that I can't be the sort of person who goes around mugging people in alleys for their blood. Not only do I lack the skills necessary for that, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself either." She thinks about Eyrgjafa's offer, but shakes her head. "Thanks, but I've never had much trouble attracting creepers," she says with a wry smile.
"While belonging to the pretty people clan makes it easier, I know." Eyrgjafa chuckles slightly. "I've never been interested in mugging people in alleys, either," she admits. "If I have to take it by force I prefer it to be from someone at least somewhat deserving."
"I'm pretty sure a lot of those people would end up winning the fight if I started one," Alex admits without shame. "Are there any ways you know of to make us less reliant on feeding all the time? It wouldn't solve the ethical dilemmas, but it would mean not having to face them as often, at least."
Eyrgjafa hesitates. "None I can teach you right now." Which is not a flat no.
Alex isn't stupid. She was mostly expecting an answer that was no, so when she gets something else she pauses and gives Eyrgjafa a deeply considering look. "I see," she says. "If such a thing was possible, are there circumstances under which you would be able to teach me?"
"There are, yes." Eyrgjafa looks at Alex assessingly. "I am sure you understand the need to guard knowledge carefully, but there are many benefits to becoming one of the Dragons."
There are clearly wheels turning behind Alex's gaze. After a few minutes she says, "what does it cost, to become one of the Dragons? It seems like nothing in kindred society comes without a cost, and often a pyrrhic one."
"In life or unlife, I have found few things that come without cost. It is all a matter of what one is willing to pay." Eyrgjafa shrugs slightly. "For the most part, that you guard the Order's secrets as if they were your own, or even more valuable. None of the covenants like having their knowledge shared with outsiders."
Alex nods her head. "I suppose that's probably a fair bargain. I can also imagine some situations I'd have trouble with, though." She shrugs. "Maybe just because of my initial introduction to the Ordo Dracul." After a couple of seconds she says, "thank you for your time and for being willing to talk with me. I hope this hasn't been too much of an interruption of your plans for the evening."
"For what little it is worth, none of us were at all impressed by his course of action, even setting aside what he was executed for." Eyrgjafa says quietly, before nodding. "Not at all. It is always a pleasure to talk to new Kindred."
Alex pauses at that, considering the words, then nods and stands up. "Thank you again," she says. "For being understanding. Have a good night, Eyrgjafa.'
"You too." Eyrgjafa walks Alex out, before returning to her work.
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