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Lux texts Jack in the afternoon:
Lux :: sorry for bailing like that last night. didnt fully recharge before the protest and exhaustion caught up with me.
- how are you doing?
Jack :: been better. Yesterdays shit caught up to me fucking fast
- gotta run interference w/my union soon to make sure i didn't royally screw us over longterm
Lux :: what do you need right now?
Jack :: i dont know
- water probably
- someone to talk through shit with
Lux :: have you eaten today
Jack :: ...forgot
Lux :: where are you right now
Jack :: at home
Lux :: ok
- on my way
Jack :: u dont have to ill be fine
- thank u
Lux :: too late see you soon
It wasn't too long after some texting that Lux showed up at Jack's apartment. They have their backpack over one shoulder, dressed in tights and a fitted tank top, hoodie over it. Their skin is a bit glossy with sweat, as if they'd just finished an intense run, but it's cooling down and they've already caught their breath. They stop outside the door and stare at it for several seconds before finally knocking.
Nearly a minute passes, before the deadbolt slides open and the door handle turns. Jack's in rumpled pajama pants and a ratty t shirt, his hair unstyled and a little messy, like he's been running his fingers through it. His mien is...smudged, more than usual, and the animation is almost sluggish. Few flickering bits of charcoal to be seen. He gives Lux a tired smile and gestures them inside. "You look...d'you run over here?"
Lux blinks a bit, looking Jack over. "Um... yeah? I've been running all afternoon though." They chew at their lip a moment, just standing their awkwardly before they lift two bags--one take out, the other filled with a couple large bottled waters. "Uh... so... can I come in?"
"Yeah - yeah sure -" He moves out of the doorway to let them in. It's Jack's place, same as it's always been, looking like the apartment of someone who spends more time at work than at home. "You didn't have to - I'd have figured out food eventually." His cheeks darken with a blush. "You...feeling better? You look..." he can't quite seem to figure out what word he's going for there, so he just lets the sentence trail off and walks into his tiny kitchen to get some silverware.
Lux is looking brighter. They're back to their normal neon yellow glow. They shrug, not quite meeting his eyes. "I wanted to be here. I was... kinda shitty, just leaving like that last night. I know you weren't... feeling good. About stuff." Stuff in general. Not just their stuff. Right.
"That obvious, mm?" He huffs out a laugh. It's pretty easy to not meet his eyes, considering he's definitely not looking at them. "A lotta shit hit all at once, for both of us. 'S not your fault."
"Yeaahh... Well..." Their weight shifts between their feet, glancing around the apartment. Anywhere but him. "Hope you like Chinese food? Got a few different things." A beat pause. "Did you just... stay in bed all day?"
"No judgement, if so."
"Chinese is fine, yeah...I made it to the couch." The blanket that's usually thrown over the back of it is crumpled up on one of the seats, like Jack was curled up in it at some point. "'S a day off, so...not like I had to do much." He pulls a beer from the fridge as he speaks. "D'you want a drink?"
"Ah, well--sounds like you could use the rest, honestly." Lux shakes their head, setting the bags down on his coffee table. "No, I'm good. And... weren't you supposed to be drinking water?"
"I can do both, can't I?" He sets silverware and beer down on the coffee table, and throws the blanket back over the back of the couch before sitting down near one of the arms. "Didn't sleep super well last night, which didn't help either. Been kinda fuzzy all day."
Lux grimaces faintly, guilt flashing for a moment before they reign it in. "Yeah, can imagine..." They settle down onto the couch, pulling out styrofoam containers out. "How much have you drunk today already?"
"No more'n usual." He shrugs. "And I had water and some advil when I woke up." He's staring at the take out boxes and completely misses Lux's grimace, and their guilt.
"...Okay. Well... Here. Eat." They nudge the boxes over to his side of the table, glancing over at him nervously.
Jack opens the container of pork fried rice and starts to pick at it. He's not all that hungry, it seems. "...Thanks." The food does seem to perk him up a little bit, some of the sketchy animation returning. Even if he is eating slowly. "How's...hows your day been?" The most awkward of conversationalists, Jack is.
"Um... It's been okay?" Lux doesn't eat, but does pull out the bottles of water. Setting on down in front of Jack and opening the other to sip from themself. "Apparently Strum spoke to some people she knows. The mob isn't after me yet? And if they do, they'll let Strum know. So that's a load off..."
"Oh that's good." Jack takes the water. "I was...worried about you. Out there."
"Sorry that I worried you," they murmur. "Hopefully it'll be okay. I'm going to keep my head down for a while, either way." Another sip of water before they lean back against the couch. "So, uh, you heard from the Union at all?"
"No. I...I gotta run interference, make sure I didn't fuck things up too bad with the walkout..." He puts his fork down and looks around for his phone. It starts to get a bit frantic, his animation getting rougher and more sketchy, until he unearths it from between the couch cushions. Food forgotten, he taps out a message before sighing heavily and dropping the phone back onto the couch.
Lux watches this with a quiet, concerned frown. "...Are you okay?"
"It's...I'll be fine." He shakes his head. "Everything just...kinda happened at once, you know? I'm uh...it's a lot. But I'll be fine."
Lux stares over at him for a few moments, frowning. "...Yeah. It's... a lot. ...Do you want a hug?"
Jack opens his mouth, and takes a breath. "If that's...okay?"
"Yeah--totally okay. I just... didn't know if you wanted me to touch you right now...?"
"No I do, I do -" He shuts his mouth and takes another, slightly shaky, breath. Nope. No crying here.
Lux's lips twist downwards with distress when they note Jack's shaky breath. They quickly scoot over, pulling him into a tight hug.
Jack's tense, and he holds onto Lux like like a fucking lifeline. His shaky breaths turn to sniffles, and he huffs "Thought I was...done with this crying shit," he mutters. He's holding himself together, but barely.
"It's... okay. If you cry. I don't mind. You took care of me the other night, so... I owe you." Lux squeezes around him, rubbing slowly along his back.
"I'm not...I don't do this. 'Specially not around people." Talking seems to be pulling him away from the Feelings He Doesn't Wanna Feel, but he doesn't let go of Lux, instead gripping the back of their shirt and pressing his face into their shoulder.
"Ha," they sigh out the sound, resting their cheek against his temple. "Now you're sounding like me. That's dangerous..."
"Yeah well, maybe I'm like that too..." His voice is a whisper. "Everything's fine, 's long as I pretend it is. Right?"
"...Yeah. Except... it's not fine..." Lux frowns, but doesn't loosen their grip. "It's clearly not fine and I... hate seeing you so upset... Especially when its my fault."
"'S not your fault." His voice cracks. "It...I didn't want this to be messy, or for any...for any fucking feelings to happen."
"...Oh." They look aside, brows creasing. "I... that's... That is my fault, though? I made things... messy."
"Me having fucking feelings is making shit messy. Not you."
Second tick by, Lux's hands stilling against his back. "...Um... So... You do have feelings for me?"
Jack fucking. Whines in protest at that shit being said out loud. "Been trying to pretend they're not there."
"Because...?" Lux asks softly. "Because you don't want to be with me or--or cause you're scared, or...?"
"Because I don't...do relationships. I've already fucked this one up and we're not even in one." He huffs out a humorless laugh.
"Can we at least agree that we both fucked up instead of like... doing the 'no I fucked up, no I fucked up' thing?"
"Ah..." He sighs, and sinks into Lux a little. Slightly less tense. "Yeah. Sure. Just...I'm not upset, and I don't blame you for shit. 'Kay?"
"I also don't blame you for shit," Lux mutters, sighing as well. Their hand starts moving again at least, rubbing along his spine. "I... have... Feelings. For you. Too." It comes out as kind of a... stunted jittery mess.
There's a sharp intake of breath. "What?"
Lux lets out their own whine. "Ugh, really, Jack? Fuck--I like you."
"...Oh." His voice is...very small. Like he somehow didn't know that. a second later. "So...now what." His face is still pressed into Lux's shoulder.
"I... don't know," they admit, grimacing. "I'm not good at this shit. And I still feel like I'm... bad for you. But I want to be good for you? I want... us to be good. I don't know if we'll... get there? But. Um. Maybe we could... try."
"Is...Mearc - Mearcstapa okay with that?" He pulls back a little to actually look at Lux, gauging their reaction.
Lux nods quickly. "Yeah. Yeah, he's fine with it. We talked for a while about it last night... And he was really supportive." They hesitate. "Are... you okay with that? With Mearcstapa?"
"Yeah, 'course." He nods, and even offers the smallest of smiles. Now that he's sitting back, he grabs his beer and takes a swig. "He seems pretty cool. And now I've got an extra excuse to get to know him."
"He's... really great," Lux murmurs fondly. "Really helps to, uh, balance out my crazy." Lux drops his arms from around him, but now doesn't seem to know what to do with them so they end up crossing loosely over their chest. "That's good, though. I mean, if you really want to... give this a try we can talk about it more. Or... not. Whatever you want."
"I'm uh...a little scared. Of shit like this. But...I want...something and I guess that means we gotta talk about it. Right?"
"Yeah." Lux sighs, rubbing a hand over their head. "Unfortunately. I kinda hate it too, so at least you're not... alone."
"But uh. Congratulations for being part of the first relationship I've been in since...fuckin'..." Jack grimaces, and drinks. And doesn't finish the sentence.
"Thanks..?" They look uncertain about whether or not that's meant as a compliment. "Here, please? Drink this." They pick up the water bottle to push into his hands.
Jack sets his beer down and takes the water. "It's a compliment. I think. Means I haven't fucked up too bad yet." He grins. "So...what's this...being in a relationship...? Mean? For you?"
Lux shifts, clearly uncomfortable. They look down at their lap, turning on the couch to face him directly, legs folding underneath themself. "Um, well. I guess I'll just uh... say how I feel? Then you can say how you feel?"
"And we'll both be... honest. Even if it's not all good thoughts."
Charcoal lines fly out from Jack's movement, getting rougher and more sketchy as he shifts to face them, too. "Uh...fuck. Sure. I'm...I'm not always good at even knowing how I feel. But...I'll try."
"That's okay," they manage to look up at him, looking extremely nervous. "Just... try?" Lux chews at their lower lip, not immediately jumping in, trying to make sense of their thoughts. "I like you. Like... the sex is great but it's not just... that. At least not anymore. You're... really sweet and funny and I just... I like being around you and I really like seeing you... grow and... blossom. I want to help you get better and healthier and be happy." Their mouth opens, closes, then opens again, voice strained. "I have... issues. Ones I'm not comfortable talking about fully yet. And you... bring out... sides of myself that I don't always like." They grimace. "I think I've started becoming, um, kind of obsessed with you? With like..." They glance out the window, in the direction of the mural still up on the wall, visible in the distance in the street lights. "With wanting to make you... better. Pushing you to step into the spotlight with the Union, pushing you to do new things, pushing you to... to do things and... I... have trouble seeing where things go too far. Where they cross from... me helping you do the things you really want to do, things that will be good for you, and... pushing you to become the person I think you should be..." Their voice has gotten very, very soft by the end, their eyes downcast, fingers gripping their arms tightly. "So... I want this to... work. Whatever this ends up being. But I think we need to... work on... boundaries."
Jack listens with a thoughtful frown, though it deepens a little into concern as Lux continues. When they've finished, he reaches out, gingerly, to put a hand on their arm. "All that shit...so far's been shit that I'm afraid to do. That I wanna do, but...I needed the push. I...know what it feels like, to be pushed into shit that I don't wanna." "But I also know that - that sometimes I don't know that I don't want it, until after. Days after, sometimes. And that's something that I gotta deal with, because it's...it's not fair to anyone else, if I let myself be pushed into something and only realize it later that it wasn't what I wanted. That's on me. You know? But I think...some sort of boundaries might help with that. I dunno." He takes a breath. "I...I like you too. A lot, you're fun and passionate and I...I feel like there's a lot of stuff you don't let me see. And it's mostly okay, I know that's just how shit works sometimes, I just...don't want it to feel like you know me more than I know you. Even you just saying that you're not ready to talk about something or saying you don't wanna talk about it...even that makes a difference. 'Cause I don't feel like you're trying to hide it. That make sense?"
The touch makes their gaze lift, watching him. "No, that's... not fair, Jack. Because if I ever pushed you to do something you really didn't want to do, something you regretted, something that... hurt you... I'd never be able to forgive myself," Lux says softly, tears shimmering and sparkling in their eyes, reflecting off of the glowing irises. They listen to the rest and frown, guilt twisting at their lips. "I'm... sorry. I'm not used to showing who I really am or what I really think and feel. It's... uncomfortable. But I promise I'll try? To at least tell you I don't want to talk about something, rather than... just ignoring it..."
"I...I don't know how to prevent that. Right now. I don't - hell, it took me until I thought you were already gone to admit to myself that I even had feelings for you, I...I don't know how to know what I want and don't want. I'm...not used to having a choice." The way he says it, it sounds like he's just now realizing it. "But it's...that's still shit that I have to work on. 'Cause I don't want to put you in that position. Ever." He squeezes their arm gently. "It...would it help if I...reminded you, when it seems like you might have shit going on?"
Their arms uncross, moving a hand to cup over Jack's. Fingers lacing through his to squeeze, if allowed. "It's okay not to know. I just... need to work on not pushing so much, I think. Or... if I do push, trying to, uh, talk about it as well." They grimace. "Which I know is going to be hard, for both of us. I'm--always rushing forward and getting lost in the moment and you're... well, you don't know. But we can at least try." A beat pause, then they nod. "Yeah. Remind me. If I'm acting shifty or changing the subject or--ignoring something, call me out on it. I... probably don't mean to do it, if I do, I just... it's just the default." They look at him a moment, then draw in a deep breath. "There's one boundary I want to put into place immediately. And... I'm not going to compromise on it." Lux looks at him nervously. "No more sex while you're drunk. If you've had more than one drink... it's just not going to happen. I can't... I can't risk that again. Okay?"
Jack laces his fingers through Lux's almost immediately, gently rubbimg the back of their hand with his thumb. "...'More than one drink' and 'drunk' are...two different things, it's..." He grimaces, and nods. "But sex when I'm drunk like that can be off the table. Yeah. I shouldn't've gone that far then."
Their hand squeezes his. Then lifts, to press their lips to the back of his hand. "We can... talk about that more another time? There's already been... a lot. And either way, I think... tonight isn't the night for that." They search his eyes a moment, then lean in to press their lips softly to his. "Can I just... hold you? Tonight?"
Jack meets them halfway, bringing a hand up to gently run up and down the back of their neck. He nods before resting his forehead against theirs. "That sounds...fucking perfect. You bring pjs or are you gonna steal mine again?" His lips quirk up in a smile.
Lux leans forward more, letting them rest together for a few moments. Their eyelids droop to half lid, a small smile quirking at their own lips. "Stealing yours," they murmur, then kiss him again softly. Then their arms snake around his waist, yanking him closer as they just... flop backwards onto the couch. They hold him against their chest, nuzzling against his temple. Eventually, they'll let go enough to let them move to the bed and change into PJs. Eventually.
They're gonna have to wake him up first, if they wanna move. He presses a few soft kisses into their chest, wrapping his arms around their waist, but soon he relaxes into them, his breathing slow and even.
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