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Phaedra arrives perhaps twenty-five minutes later, thanks SEPTA, and lets herself in, slipping her shoes off at the door and dropping her notebook that she'd been studying from on the nearest flat surface before heading toward the bedroom, looking for the Finley.
The apartment is about the same as it was last time Phaedra was here, except that there's a large rat cage in the living room now--looks like there's a few happy rats living inside it with lots of toys and things to climb on inside their enclosure.
The bedroom is dark, Finley curled up on their side on the bed, staring at the wall. But zher head lifts a little to glance over at her when she comes in. Zhe's hugging one of the stuffed animals tightly to zher chest--a cute big-eared fennic fox with a bow around it's neck.
She pauses in the doorway, then moves over to the bed, sitting on the edge of it and running her hand through zher hair lightly, her touch gentle. Kind. "Heya, Fin." A mere whisper, trying to keep everything as low-key as possible.
There's something off about the way zhe stares at her. Not quite cautious, or afraid--but... intense. The beast lingers behind zher eyes. But the light petting soothes zhem a little, eyes drifting closed. "Hey."
"Hey. You don't have to talk if you don't want to. Don't even have to think. Just...let me be here, for you. With you. Alright? That's what this is, right now. I'm with you, and you're not alone with whatever is in your head." She leans in slowly, pressing her lips to zher cheek.
"Dunno if I can stop thinking," zhe murmurs softly. The kiss makes them exhale a soft breath, and zhe scoots closer to curl around her. "Thank you for coming..."
"Of course. Anything, for you." She smiles down at zhem. "Can you tell me, what you're thinking? If it won't stop, maybe saying it might help."
Zher eyes half open, staring at the wall rather than at her. "I don't feel bad for killing them. I'm supposed to feel bad. I'm just mad that Calamity was upset. I'm not supposed to feel that way. It's not good."
"It was a moment of descending down to meet your Beast, and you haven't come all the way back up. You're there, still, dipping below. Losing some thread of connection with your humanity. And I know what advice I'd give you if you were an Acolyte, but you're not, and you're a member of Tahmina's family, so I really don't know how to help at all in a way that she'd see as good." Phaedra nibbles at her lower lip. "But I know you can't control how you feel."
"What would you say, if I was an Acolyte..?"
"That this is part of what being a child of the Mother is truly about. That none of us can remain humane long, if we accept that which is divine within us. That there's no dishonor in being a bringer of death. We are monsters, and that is something true and something sacred and something profane all in one." As she says this, her eyes meet zher's.
Finley stares up at her quietly for a moment, then looks away again, fingers curling against her thigh. "...When they freed me, I was... almost gone. I killed and tortured so many people, that I was just... numb. Tahmina taught me how to feel human again. But I feel numb again."
"You ought to talk to her again. Not tonight...tonight, I'm staying with you, holding you close. But she'd know better what it is you need right now than me." Her hand moves to rest on top of zher's. "I don't know how to be what you need right now, except to be here."
"Being here is enough." Zhe curls up more. "I'd like it if you held me. Please."
"Then scoot over a bit, so I can lie down properly. I want to hold you, too, so this works out perfectly. You're my friend and I've got you. One of my closest, best, most amazing friends." She scoots and finds the perfect position to wrap herself around zhem. She's not blushed, so yeah, this is a little cold, but that also means she doesn't need to worry about her bottom arm falling asleep.
Finley does scoot over, shifting to let her get comfortable--but then is wiggling back against her to get as close as possible. Zher arms drape over her's, fingers lacing. "You're amazing too, Phae..."
"Good, then we go together." She lets out a small laugh, squeezing zher hand. "Like gloves or something."
Zhe giggles softly, a hint of shyness slipping through the feral intensity. Zher hand squeezes her's tighter, lifting it briefly to press zher cheek against her fingers. "I... like it when you hold me."
"I like holding you. I like being around you. I like you." That last is even quieter than the whispering she's been doing, like it's some secret she's managed to hide all this time.
Zher head dips a bit, holding her hand against zher chest. "I like you too..."
She doesn't respond to that aloud, but shifts position slightly to gently kiss zher ear.
Zhe lets out another soft giggle--this time with a more nervous ring to it, but it's of a good sort, apparently, as zhe continues pressing back against her.
"What are you thinking now, Finley?"
Zhe freezes a moment, going still. "...That... I wish I could kiss you. Really kiss you." A beat pause, then zher voice softer, ashamed and embarrassed. "...A-and... what your blood tastes like..."
"Oh. Those are two very big thoughts. I don't know how well kissing would work with your teeth...but I'm willing to experiment, to figure it out."
"I don't... want to accidentally hurt you..."
"For this, it would be worth it. For you. Because I've wanted to kiss you, too, honestly."
"...I... could go blood bathe, real quick? Um. To make the teeth go away?"
"...not tonight. I'm not letting you get up for the rest of the night. I'm busy holding you." She punctuates this statement with a bit of a squeeze.
"Okay," zhe practically squeaks. Zhe squeezes her hand again, then lets go so zhe can turn over to face her instead. "Um... Can I try? I'll be gentle?"
A nod. "Go ahead. I'll let you lead--you know your teeth better than I do."
There is... no way this isn't going to be awkward. And potentially painful. But Finley purses zher lips as closed over the teeth as they'll go, and is very, very careful as zhe presses zher top lip softly against Phaedra's, eyes closing.
That's okay. Phaedra mostly waits. Soft, receptive. And ignoring any possible pain from those teeth.
It doesn't last too long before self consciousness seems to win out--there's a moment of experimentation and exploring, but then zhe pulls back, eyes opening to look at her hopefully.
"A little awkward, maybe, but...I liked it." She laughs.
"Really?" zhe asks sheepishly.
"Yeah. You were very careful. Gentle. Tender."
Zhe smiles softly, then curls in around her, burying zher face against her neck and chest, arm wrapping around her waist to hold close. "I'll always be gentle and tender with you."
"Good." Her hand returns to stroking zher hair. "...Um. Are you and Calamity...dating?"
Finley considers that for a moment. "I don't know. I don't think so. Calamity says we're just friends. But we have kissed. And cuddle."
There's a small pause. And then: "Okay. Are you and me dating?"
Zher head lifts enough to peep up at her. "Do... you want to...?"
"I don't know. I've never dated before, not really. I know I don't want to have sex. Not just with you, but with anyone? And that seems to be why people date most of the time. But I like you, and I like being around you, and I really like cuddling you."
"I don't want to have sex either," Finley assures. "I don't know if I ever will want to again. But definitely not now. But I... I like you too. And I think about you a lot. And think about getting you gifts that will make you smile and want to take you places you'll enjoy. I think that's... sort of like wanting to date someone?"
"I just...I want to make sure things won't be weird with Calamity, if you and me do start to date."
"I don't... think it would. But we can... talk to them, if you want? Assuming... they even want to talk to me anymore."
"Finley, I don't think they're going to be mad forever. Calamity runs hot, but burns out of anger eventually. Like when they were mad about you telling me they're psychic? It's not going to be forever bad."
"...I hope so," zhe murmurs, head dipping again to nuzzle against her neck, clinging tighter.
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