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It's been a few long minutes - nearly ten, even - since Jack's last text to Mearc. And given that he'd been texting basically nonstop, while at work at Startdust (never to the detriment of the musicians, he's too good at his job for that), this entire evening, it's a pretty significant amount of time.
But then:
so am i picking the lock again or are u gonna let me in?
Mearc doesn't bother to text, answering the question by answering the door, wearing nothing but those flying pigs pajama pants, his hair messy and in his face, a bright smile with white teeth standing out against blueblack skin.
"Baaabe." The lines around Jack's face dance as his face splits into a warm grin at the sight of Mearc. He, in contrast, is fully clothed - in a deep purple dress shirt and tight black jeans, with his messenger bag slung over his shoulder. Not quite his usual work uniform of all black. His hair's tousled into some sort of style, and he's got a few days worth of stubble.
"D'you change just for me, or have you spent the whole day in pjs?"
"I changed for you. I considered just wearing boxers, but that seemed a little too forward." He grins, looking Jack up and down slowly. "Shoes off at the door?"
Jack steps out of his boots as soon as he gets through the door, and drops his bag, too.
"Wouldn't've minded, but...figure there's some talking that's gotta happen, and...you in just boxers would make it really hard to concentrate on talking about shit." He flashes Mearc a grin, scribbles sketching across his cheeks.
As soon as the boots are off and the bag is dropped, Mearc steps in to pin Jack back against the door and claim a kiss. Talking? What talking?
"Ah -" He gets half a surprised laugh out, his arms going a little wide before he just melts into the kiss and settles his hands on Mearc's hips. After half a moment one thumb hooks just over the waistband of his pajama pants. It's clear he's waiting for a reaction from Mearc.
Mearc laughs. "You want to just jump into things, and save the talking for after? Because I've been thinking of you since last night. Of how much I just want to fuck you. Or maybe get fucked by you--I'm not actually picky. I just want you so bad right now."
"This...feels like a trap, somehow," he says with a laugh that borders on nervous, but he doesn't take his hands off the other Darkling. "Thought you were waiting on me to like...say something about all this...? Not that I'm upset, 's just...unexpected. From you."
"I'm sorry, I thought those texts last night were your way of saying something. I read them and assumed you meant them, every last one." Mearc pauses, all of him going still. "Did you?"
"Oh." He blinks, and his grin is back, scribbles darkening on his cheeks and dancing through his hair. "Yeah - fuck, yeah I did." He runs a hand up Mearc's back to pull him in even closer, and kiss. "Every single one of 'em. Just didn't realize it counted as me saying shit, to you."
"You said it was easier to discuss boundaries over text. And then you sent those texts." Mearc rolls his hips against Jack. "How else could I interpret that?"
"Haaa..." Whatever he'd been about to say is completely lost as Mearc rolls his hips, and scribbles skitter down Jack's neck. "'S...'s a good point." He seems to be struggling to put together coherent sentences, at this point, and so he switches to kissing along Mearc's jaw and down his neck.
Mearc starts to unbutton Jack's shirt.
Somehow this leads to the pair of them in the bedroom, in a haze of pleasant exhaustion.
Somehow.
"Well now I just feel stupid, for waiting so long..." Jack stretches and rolls onto his side to face Mearc, still a little scribbly. It's mostly on his cheeks now, the rest of his animation shifting lazily around as he moves.
Mearc is in a haze of dim red freckles, one leg hooking lightly over both of Jack's and a hand reaching out to stroke slowly through his hair. "Stupid? Why that?"
"'Cause this was pretty fucking great." He kisses Mearc's shoulder, where a bluish mark is already forming. "I was...really in my head about it all. Too much, I think."
"I think we both were, a little. I've...wanted to do that for a while, now." He exhales slowly, contentedly. "Do you want to work backwards and have some of that talk about it, now that the bubble of awkwardness has been thoroughly popped?"
"Yeah I uh...I kinda realized it when you and Lux got back together. But then still some part of me was afraid I only thought I wanted it, you know?"
"Ah. Well, in retrospect, was that an accurate fear?"
"So far? I'd be down to spend the entire weekend in this bed with you, so I'm pretty sure it's not." He grins and kisses Mearc's cheek. "And I guess it's always possible that I'll realize it later, but...I've been trying to get better about noticing that shit before I do something I regret. Which...has prob'ly been tying into it all, too."
"I can't promise you my whole weekend; I owe Nevermore that talk. But my night, my tomorrow morning. I'll make you breakfast in bed. I like doing that for you two, I don't know if you've noticed. I like taking care of you." He presses his forehead against Jack's. "I love you."
"It feels...so good to be taken care of. A little scary how good it feels." He lets out a soft sigh, and runs his fingers through Mearc's hair before trailing them across his jaw to lift his chin enough for a kiss. "Love you, too. Still feels...new? A little weird? To say."
The kiss ends with a tiny nibble at Jack's lower lip. "Well...good. I don't want it to become something you say by rote, because it's lost it's spark. I want it to hit inside your chest every time you hear it. I want to know it's something deep when you say it."
He shivers at the nibble, and snuggles a little closer. "Don't think that's gonna change, any time soon. I only say shit like that 'cause I mean it. I...finally said it to Lux, the other night. After about a million times of it almost happening."
"Excellent. Here, roll over? I want to spoon you. Unless you're in the mood to be the big spoon tonight."
"Nah, little spoon's fine." He rolls over as he speaks, and wiggles his butt back into Mearc. And then turns his head to grin. "So what...were you in your head about all this?"
"I...don't do good, not knowing where I sit with people. Not knowing where the lines are. Part of that's the joy of having a durance where I crossed those lines left and right, lying constantly about where people were with me. Part of it's that I'm autistic, and the way that expresses in me involves a need for rules. Not necessarily thou shall not rules, but knowing what is and is not acceptable. So you were tripping me up because I didn't know if I could push, or if I'd be crossing the line and fucking up. So I was leaving it to you to give me indicators, but you really weren't being helpful in person. The texts were...really useful."
His arms both curl around Jack tight, lips pressing to the back of his neck.
Jack winces. "'M sorry. I...wanted to make sure I wanted to do this for the right reasons, and then just...got stuck in a circle of not being sure, I guess. But texting was..." scribbles flutter down his neck and shoulders. "Hot. I...I like when you tell me what you wanna do to me. And then do it."
"I'll remember that." There's a gentle nibble right at the base of Jack's neck. "Though...being in the driver's seat isn't an always food for me, for the record. Sometimes, I'd really like to hear what you'd think is hot. Or what you want to try. Sometimes, I might want something that's completely about tenderness."
His breath catches, and he shivers, more scribbles scrawling across his skin. "That requires knowing what I want, though...." he's clearly making a little bit of a joke. "But yeah, doesn't have to be an always thing. 'S just something you do that...I know I like."
His upper hand catches on of Jack's wrists in a gentle hold. "I understand."
"I like that, too..." His voice is quiet, and he's stilled a little at the touch, though his scribbles continue to dance. "'S long as I get to touch you eventually." He presses back against Mearc's chest as an alternative to twisting awkwardly to kiss him.
"I know you like it. You enjoy it when I pin you. When I hold you. Can you talk a little bit about why, for me?" This is a lower whisper, so gentle it was almost a 'lover whisper' by dint of a typo.
"Uhh...I...don't really know?" He says it like he knows he's not gonna be allowed to leave it there. "It's not something I want with like, the casual sex I have. But you'n Lux..."
"Expression of trust, knowing that no matter what, we're not going to hurt you?" It's offered as a suggestion, some words that might help.
"...Yeah, that...that sounds right. And I like...seeing your reaction to that trust, too."
"It's pretty special. That you put yourself in my care. Let me peel back all the layers. I like it. I will always be gentle about it, because I'm scared someday I'll hit a sore spot, and everything will fall apart."
"I...wish I could warn you about the sore spots before you get to them. I...I dunno if I'm gonna be able to. I...I won't blame you, though. If you find them. It's not your fault that you don't know what they are."
"Some of them, I have already noticed. Raph hit a nice big one that I now know how to avoid. Your mantle hints at one which might be related. Might not." He loosens his grip, sliding his hand up that arm and then gently along Jack's side to linger at his hip.
"You figured out how to field my 'I don't know's, too..." Jack relaxes back into him a little, before shifting slightly until he's more on his back than his side, so he can get an arm around Mearc. "What d'you get from my mantle?"
"The fact that blood's so familiar a scent that it lingers on you, mixing with your desire?" Mearc curls in closer to make that arm-around easy, resting his head on Jack's shoulder. His freckles are pretty green right now.
"...Ah. Mmph." The scribbles have vanished from his skin. But then again, he did ask. "It's...it isn't really related, except that it also kinda is? I think. I haven't...explored those memories, and I don't have plans to. But what Raph did hit on shit from Before, before anything else. That make sense?"
"Before, not Over There?" Mearc looks at Jack's face. "Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. You really don't have to talk about it."
"Yeah." His eyes are closed. "I...I don't really wanna talk about it. Thanks. But...yeah. No blood, no weapons. No...demands, like that. I...I don't know if I'd even be able to use a safeword, at that point, I'd just...shut down." His voice gets quieter as he speaks, and the last confession is tinged with a little fear. Like he's maybe saying the wrong thing.
"I understand. I shut down sometimes, too. It's usually pretty simple to tell when it's happening with me, nowadays, my freckles all dim out pretty much completely." He strokes a hand lightly down Jack's chest, following the line of his sternum with a feather-light touch.
"Mhm." Jack nods and takes a deep breath. "I mean you've...seen what happens to me. Is there...anything I should try to avoid, with you?" He cracks an eye open to look at Mearc.
"Hm. I mean, there's certain things I can't imagine you'd be...invoking. Women issuing me orders in a commanding voice. Hypnosis, probably. But the one that really occurs to me? I don't go to arcades. Ever." His freckles shift from green to red as he speaks.
"I'll keep that in mind." He turns to kiss Mearc softly, almost tentatively. "I...don't think things will fall apart. If you stumble on something. Just so you know."
Mearc smiles into the kiss. "I'd hope not. What's the best response if you do have a shutdown--beside alcohol, that's a non-starter."
"Uh..." His nose wrinkles as he thinks. "...Remind me to breathe? And get me out of the situation. And don't leave me alone, but I may not wanna be touched. Sometimes I'm not gonna wanna let you go, it...depends, I honestly don't know what makes it one or the other. Um. You?"
Mearc smiles slightly. "Get me to someplace that's quiet, ideally dark, and with as few people as possible. Don't let a group of strangers crowd around me. If I'm not speaking, sometimes it's easier to get me to text. Ask simple questions--'do you want to get out of here?' is worlds more useful than 'what do you need?' in moments like that. If it happens here, my weighted blanket is almost always a good thing to have."
"Okay. All that's doable." He kisses Mearc's lips, than his jaw. "I'm...glad I know how to help, now. Before something like that happens."
"I haven't even really laid all that out for Lux yet." He chuckles softly. "I should, though, at some point. I've been good at not exposing myself to the sort of situations that would cause me overload though, so. Arcades isn't entirely about overload, though. I...was Taken at one, when I was sixteen."
He pulls Mearc in close. "Kinda figured that. I...honestly dunno where I was. Some side street in Philly. Doubt I'd remember it if I walked down it, now."
"Polybius." He exhales the word, and then relaxes against Jack. "What year were you born? I'm curious."
"1994. Polybius?" He's kissing Mearc's jaw again, and down his neck onto his shoulder. Man can't keep himself away, apparently. The kisses are light though, and soft.
"An arcade game created by loyalists--privateers? Not sure--in the Portland, Oregon region to help them take people in the early eighties. I'm older than you." He sticks out his tongue in a very mature and dignified older manner.
"Jesus, that's rough." And then he chuckles. "I was only gone six weeks - an' aged maybe a day. Time's a fuck."
"Time is a fuck. I count myself lucky; my fetch, if one exists, wouldn't be sixty yet."
"I bet you'd look good at sixty." Jack pauses to kiss Mearc's lips. "Never had a fetch, thank fuck. My life'd be pretty different. Dunno 'f I'd have even stayed in the city, to be honest."
"I'm very glad you don't have one, then. I'm glad you stayed, and that I got to meet you, and fall in love with you." Mearcstapa grins. "You're amazing."
"I'm glad you ended up here, and that I got to meet you and fall in love, too." Oh hey, his scribbly blush is back! He nibbles at Mearc's ear to distract from the Feelings™️. "You're fuckin wonderful. And so damn good to me."
He laughs. "You deserve someone being good to you. I feel lucky, that that gets to be me."
"Only if you deserve it, too." Jack gives his ear another nibble and then pulls back, grinning.
He shivers at the nibble. "I don't know what I could possibly have done to deserve it, but I'll take it. And I'll take you." This somehow comes out without any innuendo.
"You already did, oh lion of my heart." Jack's grin widens, and he runs his hand down Mearc's back to squeeze his ass.
He shifts when grabbed. "Lion? Is that what you've decided to call me?" There's almost a purr to his voice, and he leans in to bite at Jack's shoulder. "Predator, I am."
Jack absolutely allows the bite - hell, there are probably multiple on his neck and collarbones, at this point - and he shivers. "Well...lionheart more specifically...hunter, you are."
"I accept this. So long as there aren't any Narnia references...I hated reading those books. Which is why I read the whole series, of course."
"Not a one. Never read 'em. I was uh...definitely a little bit of a fantasy nerd, but never got around to those."
"Mm. They're apparently very Christian, even if Lewis said they weren't an allegory. Apparently." Mearc pauses. "Lionheart. I do like that, though."
"That's good, took me long enough to come up with it, I dunno 'f I could think up another one." Jack grins. "An' it's accurate, you...I mean you've kept me safe, too."
Mearc laughs. "I...uh. Seem to have a protective streak that you sit right in the middle of. Nevermore, too, honestly. Which is why when I was in a room with her and two vampires--even if they were ones I know and trust--I got prickly."
"Ahh. The other, different friends she - they? - weren't allowed to ask questions about, either?"
"Yeah. Those. Alex and Guy. Guy was waxing real philosophical, too. He seemed to think that the way Alex and I view security is something worth pitying."
"Oh? He doesn't also think it's about peace of mind, rather than real safety? Or...?"
"He seems to simultaneously view his body as a vessel, a shell, mutable and flawed...and believe there is no afterlife for his soul. It's sort of sad."
"And...what's that got to do with security?" Jack's clearly not much for philosophy.
"Oh, my own view of security was a thing. Uh." He pauses. "I don't know if you notice, but I put a lot of emphasis on how I want you and Lux to feel safe. Yeah?"
"Yeah, it's...it's all about the feeling, not the...truth of it, right? I did go watch a lot of your videos."
"The truth underlying all of it is that nothing will actually keep any of us safe in the end. Barriers are a request for boundaries to be respected, but someone who's truly uncivil won't. Security is an illusion that we put in place to make others feel safer, and perhaps to stall malicious actors long enough to get caught." His freckles go red as he says this, and he looks away from Jack.
He brushes Mearc's hair away from his face. "It's gotta take a toll, to live with knowing that all the time. Yeah?"
"The toll doesn't matter, it comes with the territory. Alex and Wren feel the same way about things." Mearc closes his eyes, the red brightening.
"Just 'cause it comes with the territory, doesn't mean it's easy to live with. It totally matters. Do...do you ever feel safe? Anywhere?" Jack continues to pet Mearc's hair, and snuggles close to give him a kiss on the cheek.
"No, never. I just mitigate what risks I can, and try to live with what I can't." He smiles, but without opening his eyes or relaxing at all--Jack can feel the tension within his muscles.
"That's...I'm so, so sorry." It's not pity, in Jack's voice, just intense sadness, and compassion. "That sounds...awful. And so fucking hard."
"I...probably shouldn't have told you that. It's my job to hold onto this, to keep other people safe from knowing. Please, forgive me?"
"Hey, hey no." Jack presses gentle kisses onto Mearc's eyelids. "I'm glad you told me, it...it means you don't have to carry it alone. 'Cause you shouldn't have to carry anything alone, like that. Okay?"
He's quiet a moment, freckles going greener slowly, and then regulating. "Are you sure about that?"
"Yeah. Absolutely sure." He gives Mearc a squeeze. "And...for what it's worth? You deserve to feel safe. And...protected, when you don't feel safe. The way I feel when I'm with you."
"Protecting is my job, here." He smiles, moving so he's nestled gently in Jack's arms, being held instead of being the holder.
Jack wraps his arms around the other Darkling, running gentle fingers up and down his chest and arms. "Yeah well...everyone deserves a vacation sometimes, right? Even you, lionheart."
"This is the closest I get to one. Being in your arms, or Lux's, and trusting completely and totally."
"Definitely gotta do it more often, then. Or get us both together at once to hold you." Jack shifts, sitting up slightly to pull Mearc more fully into his lap. "I...wanna make you feel safe. Somehow. And I know it's probably not possible but...I wanna try."
"Being held by both of you? That...would be heaven, to me." He allows himself to be pulled into a comfortable holding position.
"I'll make sure it happens, next time we're all together. And every time." He settles Mearc between his legs, Mearc's head resting on his chest, and Jack slides his hands down over his shoulders before nuzzling his face into Mearc's hair.
"I love you, lionheart."
"And I love you, my Jack of Hearts."
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