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Jack's got a couple windows in his apartment, all of them worth looking over for the security risk. 'Cause none of them are really secure - who thinks about anything on the second floor?
But that's done now, thanks to Mearc's expertise, and Jack's grubbed a hub for the two of them and grabbed a beer from the fridge, offering one to Mearc before he eases onto the couch with a groan. He drapes an arm over the back, and gestures with his head for Mearc to come sit down next to him.
Mearcstapa takes the time to tuck his tools away before he accepts the beer and tucks himself in beside Jack, pulling his feet up onto the couch with a contented sigh.
"Thank you." Jack slides his arm down onto Mearc's shoulder, and pulls him in to kiss the side of his head. "I...replaced the door plate on the downstairs door and this one yesterday - after I binged a bunch of your videos."
Mearc blinks, then rests his head back against Jack comfortably. "Wow, that's impressive. How's the latch strikeplate on those doors? Good enough I wouldn't be able to get a traveler's hook in them?"
"I dunno about impressive, actors fuck up that kinda shit on sets all the time, so I've had practice." He shrugged. "You're welcome to try, I wouldn't be able to but that's not saying much."
"I could teach you. It's about the simplest attack, even quicker than raking the keyway. But that involves standing up, and I'm not doing that yet." He takes a sip of the beer, before setting the bottle down. "Right now, I'm right where I would like to be."
"Mmm, good." Jack squeezes his shoulder with a smile. "I...was a little nervous about having you over, I mean...my place isn't as bad as Lux's but it's..." he gestures vaguely. And indeed, there's been an attempt at organization - only a few stray clothes on the floor of the living room, and the dust is mostly relegated to the corners. The dish drain's full of wet dishes, and the fridge is pretty empty. Aside from a case of beer. There's nothing on the walls except for a set of hooks next to the door, and the tv, while decently sized, is pretty dusty.
"I'm not here enough to...do much of anything here, really."
"That's fair. I work from home a lot, so it makes sense that I'm around to keep mind cleaner." He nods a bit, then looks up at Jack. "Which of the many conversations we need to have do you want to start with?"
Jack shifts with a small grimace. "I eh...I don't know. What's on the list, for you?"
"What we're doing, boundaries and personal triggers, revisiting the safeword conversation, how to handle this triad as a triad, apologizing for probably stepping over a line the last time the three of us were together..."
A nod, and he takes a breath. "I...don't think you crossed a line? The other night? I mean in general I'd rather have these kinds'a conversations one-on-one, but...I know that sometimes it can be hard to do that. Shit doesn't always work out neatly."
"Oh." He blinks, his freckles immediately flickering red, then slowly seeping greener. "That's very useful information to have."
"That's...I think why shit got so weird with the whole safeword thing. I didn't realize it at the time, but...with everyone there, and being in public, it..." he shakes his head. "It wasn't 'cause I don't wanna have one, I just...couldn't have the conversation there." He grabs his beer, and takes a drink. "That make sense?"
"That makes a lot of sense, and I'll keep that in mind for the future." Mearc nods quietly. "I can keep it in mind, going forward."
"Yeah, I mean it's not like...it's not like the end of the world or anything. I'll deal, if shit comes up that I gotta deal with in front of everyone. It's um." He stops to take a drink, a faint scribble filling in his cheeks. "It's kiwi. Lux and I talked about it, after."
"Kiwi." He repeats the word quietly. "Thank you for trusting me with it. That's good to know."
"'S only fair, right?" He smiles, clearly trying to downplay the emotional aspects of sharing a safeword with a new partner. "Be pretty hard to talk boundaries if I didn't tell you."
Mearc quietly places a hand, palm-up, on his own thigh. "I'd like to hold hands with you. If I may."
Jack disentangles his arm from around Mearc's shoulder to hold his hand instead, tentatively twining his fingers around Mearc's. "I'm...pretty much always down for hand holding." There's a beat. "You know, I usually do this shit in the opposite order? Intense physical shit first, talking about feelings and boundaries later? Except I rarely get to the second bit." He lets out a nervous chuckle. "So I'm...kinda flying blind here."
"I really, really struggle without the boundaries and communication, and that's a function of how my brain works, as I've mentioned before. Though I think I've identified another struggle I'm having, and I'd like to try to ask about it in the most value-neutral way possible. It's not a judgment, just...an observation. I think."
"Go for it." Jack leans forward to grab his beer with his free hand, taking a drink as he eyes Mearc and waits for him to speak. "'S long as you don't mind me...not answering? Or at least...not having an answer."
"That's the thing of it. You freeze up at questions sometimes, and I've noticed sometimes it's 'that question was not a good question to ask' and sometimes it's 'I'm frustrated with myself for not having an answer'. And I don't always know how to differentiate in the moment, but both are failure
"...Hmh." Jack's brow furrows. "I...I mean I dunno if I've ever really identified the difference myself? Don't do all that much thinking about why I don't answer questions. For better or worse."
"Well...I'm wondering if there's something we can do to help with the second failure state, in particular. Because we--actually, let me speak just for myself on this one. I don't ask questions because I'm trying to trip you up. I don't judge you if you don't have an answer or don't know what you want. I might feel a little sad about it, but I don't hold it against you. Alright?"
"...Mmh." He grimaces and drinks. "I...I don't know how you can help, really. Mostly 'cause...I don't really know when I'm doing it, it just kinda...happens. And of course right now I can't fucking think of a single time that it has, which doesn't help."
"Makes sense. Can you think about it over the next few days, try to see when it's happening? If there's patterns, that might help with untangling it at the root. If that's something you're interested in doing, of course."
"I'll...try." Another drink, and another grimace. "It...maybe it would help, if...you notice it, to let me know? If that's something you're willing to do."
"Of course. I might ask 'trouble answering or trouble with the question?' Would that work for you?" Mearc pauses. "You know, you look like you're not actually enjoying that beer. Like you're using it to get the taste of hard thoughts out of your mouth."
"Yeah that's -" he squints at Mearc, and the faint metallic scent of Jack's mantle gets the slightest bit stronger. "Am I allowed to say I'm having trouble with shit that's not questions? 'Cause damn, that's just...fuck."
"Right, I'm being pushy. But...let's be honest, the way in which you drink is not necessarily healthy, and that's one of the things that worries me."
He opens his mouth to speak, and pauses, his brow furrowing again as he thinks. "I don't...know what to say about that." It comes out slowly, like he's choosing his words carefully. And making an effort to actually answer, instead of just shutting down.
Mearc nods quietly. "Okay. You don't have to. But...that's one of my biggest hesitations about everything, right now."
Jack reaches for his beer - it's almost an unconscious reaction. But once it's in his hand he seems to realize what he's done, and sets it back down on the coffee table without drinking.
"'S not as bad as some of the shit I could be doing," he finally says. Very quietly. "An' I'm...managing it. Better'n I used to. Before."
"You could get help, to do more than manage it." Mearc watches Jack's hand instead of his face.
It makes it easier for Jack to look away, toward the half finished beer on the table.. "I'll think about it." There's a hollowness to the words. Like he's said this before, to people. With no intention of following up on it.
"What um...what else did you wanna talk about?" It's a transparent change in subject.
"Boundaries. Uuuh. If you and I are doing something sexual as well as a romance? Because the two aren't necessarily linked, and that's something to discuss explicitly. What you're looking for from me, in general."
He twitches, catching himself as he reaches for his beer again. "I...is that something you'd want?" He pulls away from Mearc slightly, just to be able to look at him a little better.
"I don't know. Right now, I sort of want to romance you very intensely, but I don't have a general awareness of how closely linked those concepts are for you." He brushes his hand back through his hair, looking off to one side.
"I mean...they're not linked at all, honestly. Mostly 'cause I don't do the romance shit. Except lately," he says with a shrug and a huff of amusement. "I...mmm. I wouldn't have a problem if whatever shit we did ended up leading to sex. But I don't...it doesn't feel like a thing that's gotta happen, on my end. That make sense?"
"That...makes a lot of sense." He nods slowly. "How do you feel about kissing--with me specifically, not in general?"
"Eh -" He takes a breath, a scribbly blush building on his cheeks. "I've been restraining myself since you walked in, honestly. From kissing you. Trying to be...I dunno, polite? Not distracting?"
"If I minded distractions, Jack, do you think I'd be capable of dating Lux?" His eyebrows both raise, as he grins and leans in closer.
Jack huffs out another laugh, and grins back. He leans in to meet Mearc, his first kiss a little tentative, especially given that they did their fair share of kissing the other night. But he seems to be waiting on Mearc, like he's worried about being too forward.
Mearc closes the gap hungrily, engaging Jack in a rather passionate kiss, one hand on the back of his head. Too forward? It's clear Mearc's been holding back.
He makes a soft, surprised noise, bracing himself against the couch with one hand. The other hand slides up the back of Mearc's neck, gently tangling in his hair, and his kisses become increasingly intense, now that the question of forwardness has been answered.
Mearc meets that intensity where it stands, pressing himself against Jack.
Tongues and teeth, and Jack even tugs on Mearc's hair a little, just to see how he responds. And at some point Jack slides his other arm around Mearc's waist and pulls him into his lap, if he seems like he wants to.
There's also a fair bit of breathless laughter, more surprised than anything, 'cause...sure Mearc's a Hunterheart but somehow heavy makeout sessions are not something Jack pictures, when he looks at him. Which he tells Mearc, in between kisses, his charcoal animation dancing with scribbles now.
Mearc very much enjoys the hair-pulling, and allows himself to be pulled into Jack's lap, straddling him with a wicked grin. "Well. I try not to do things like this in public. I have to maintain my mystery somehow."
"Right, but...'s not even the doing, it's the...having some sort of indication that you would do this shit." He pulls Mearc down into another deep kiss. "You don't...give off any sort of vibe, like that. T'be clear, I'm not complaining."
He laughs warmly as he sinks into the kiss and lightly seizes both of Jack's wrists with his hands, gently pinning him back against the couch--though he disengages his hands if he feels any struggle.
There's no struggle, but Jack pauses for a moment, his body stilling while he takes half a breath. In contract, his mien continues to dance, a blush scribbled heavily on his cheeks, and he doesn't even finish breathing before he relaxes into the grip, and catches Mearc's lip gently with his teeth.
And Mearc pauses. "Tell me something: is the reason you hadn't seen anything sexual as likely between us that you hadn't seen me display this side of myself?"
"...Hmm." Jack pulls away to look at Mearc, a thoughtful frown on his face. "I...don't think so? 'S unexpected, in a good way, but...it doesn't change how I feel. I don't think."
"Noted. Is this still romantic-not-sexual to you?" A fingertip runs along Jack's palm, the wrists still lightly clasped.
"We're...we're not fucking, and I don't have plans to rip your clothes off, so...yes?" He says it like he's not sure it's the right answer. As if there's a right and a wrong answer to a question like that.
"...there. You're doing the thing, where I ask you a question, and your answer is...it sounds like you're afraid the wrong answer here will have bad consequences. Is that accurate to your feelings?"
"...Huh." He frowns. "Not...on a conscious level? Like I understand that you asked 'cause you want to know how I feel about this shit. But I...I guess I don't wanna make you unhappy, or wanna stop doing," he gestures to the two of them, as well as he can with his wrists pinned, "whatever this is."
"I'm happiest when I actually feel like I have a grasp on where my partner's head is at." He rests his forehead against Jack's, closing his eyes. "And with you, that's hard sometimes. And I'm going to keep pushing when I notice stuff like this, because this, this is worth it to me. You're worth working through all the messy communication shit and digging into, to meet you in the middle."
"'S long as you don't mind a lotta fumbling, on my part." Jack chuckles and sneaks a quick kiss while Mearc's eyes are closed. "I think...to answer the romantic versus sexual thing for real, that...I don't have a solid answer. We're not fucking and I don't really wanna rip your clothes off, but...I don't really know what encompasses 'romantic' vs 'sexual'...anything, apart from that?"
"Okay. Will you use your safeword if you end up uncomfortable?" Mearc sits back just a little, and looks Jack directly in the eyes for the briefest of moments.
"Yeah." He nods, meeting Mearc's eyes with a hopeful smile.
"Good." Mearc's hands let go of Jack's wrists so one hand can tangle in his hair, pulling back gently as he kisses at Jack's neck, right below the jaw.
Jack shivers, and melts into Mearc with a quiet sigh, gripping the back of his neck lightly as the other hand rests on his waist. "...This what you meant about the soft and tender shit you wanted to do to me?" He lets out a breathless chuckle.
"I also meant things like holding your hand while walking through a cloud of butterflies. And cooking you dinner. And sending you cute texts. And figuring out your favorite candies, so I can always have some in my bag in case you have a bad day." This all is whispered against Jack's ear, before Mearcstapa nibbles at his earlobe.
"That's...shit, how're you making all that sound so fucking hot?" Jack's laugh turns into a gasp when Mearc bites his ear, and his fingers press into his neck a little more.
"Because, my dear little Spring. I know what it is you've been wanting: emotional intimacy."
There's a beat, and then Jack lets out a helpless laugh. "I - I mean you're not wrong. What d'you want, out of all this? Besides to make me fuckin weak with all your sweet talking?" He winds a lock of Mearc's hair around his finger.
"I want to know you, like no one has ever been allowed to know you before. I want to peel back your layers of doubt and fear and shame and lay you bare, and to tell you that what's at the absolute core of your self is beautiful." This comes out as a low rumble, almost reaching toward a growl.
Jack's laugh trails off as his breath catches, and there's a moment of silence while processes that. "...G'luck with that," he says, his voice barely a whisper. He's clearly trying to make light of the situation, but he's trembling slightly, almost as if he's afraid of ever being that open with someone.
Mearc closes his eyes again, feeling that tremble instead of watching Jack. "Thank you. I'll need it, I think."
Mearc gets a kiss in response, slow and gentle, to cover the fact that Jack's run out of words. "D'we...cover all the shit you wanted to talk about?" He asks when he comes up for air.
"I think so. We could...stop talking, at this point, if you'd like?" He's smirking slightly, as if he has plenty of ideas for things to do with Jack, when talking is out of the picture.
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