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Dinner had been at the resorts Japanese restaurant, a rather festive affair, even with Mearcstapa's skin lightly throbbing blue from his sunburns. Now, though, the throuple are back in their suite. Mearc's quietly picking up a few of the discarded articles of clothing from earlier activities, gathering the swimsuits to rinse in the shower. He's humming as he works.
Lux had been spending most of their time at the beach or pool. They didn't actually know how to swim, so they never went very deep--but they seemed to enjoy just splashing around and running around in the sun, occasionally throwing a ball around to entertain themself. But a fair amount of lounging and cuddling as well, though there seemed to be something that is still... off about the Bright One. They do a very good job of hiding it, but it's visible in moments of quiet. Especially at night, when they curl up together to try to sleep. Lux is always the last one to drift off. Always restless and distant.
Having gorged on delicious food, Lux seems ready to lounge around for a while, but after seeing Mearc picking things up, Lux lets out a huff and pushes to their feet to go help. "How's the burn feeling?"
Jack's a little smudgy - he's been a little smudgy the entire week, really, 'cause no responsibilities and all inclusive means he's not holding back on the alcohol. He tugs his shirt off, though he makes an attept to throw it in his suitcase rather than give Mearc another thing to pick up, and wanders in the direction of the bathroom, following the other two.
"It hurts, but not too bad. I can't say I don't deserve it." He laughs; it's clearly self-mocking, and he glances at the bathroom mirror briefly. "I need to take better care of myself."
Lux's mouth opens, then closes. They lean against the doorframe of the bathroom, arms crossing loosely over their chest. "Yeah, you do."
Jack puts a tentative hand on Lux's shoulder. "...We could all take care of ourselves a little better."
Mearc glances at Lux quietly, then busies himself with the swimsuits, instead of saying anything else aloud right away.
Lux glances at Jack, then away, staring at the wall for a moment. They seem to be torn about something, churning something over into their thoughts before their arms cross tighter. "...I want to talk," they mutter softly.
"You can always talk, firefly." Jack's hand slides down to rub their back slowly. "What's on your mind?" Despite his gentle voice, the tension in the room is making Jack a little flickery already.
A glance toward Lux. "I was wondering if you would. You've been sitting on it for days, hummingbird." His tone of voice is calm, but his freckles go green pretty quickly. "Okay. Let's talk."
Despite being the one to request the talk, Lux falls quiet for several long seconds. Talking about their Feels is never easy for them, and it takes some time for them to work through their words--they seem to be putting conscious effort into thinking them through rather than just blurting them all out. "More than a few days," they admit, finally. "I've been trying to just get over it, because I know you didn't mean to hurt me. But you did hurt me, and the more I think about it the more hurt I'm getting," Lux says tensely.
Jack's hand stills for a moment on Lux's back. "...D'we wanna maybe do this not in the bathroom? Hang out on the bed, or the table..."
Mearc glances at Jack, and manages a bit of a smile. "The bathroom has great acoustics for this sort of thing, though. Not that, honestly, I'm expecting to use them."
Then his focus falls on Lux. "I fucked up. I know that I did, and I am sorry. In the moment, I didn't look for solutions hard enough, to the problem of isolating myself from you two. I felt important, needed, useful, and because of that, I overlooked how I was treating you both. I put duty before love, and because of this, I hurt you. I'm sorry."
Lux shrugs at Jack, not seeming to care where they do the talk--but as Mearc starts things off, Lux looks... taken aback. Odds are they have practiced and rehearsed some speech to tell Mearc exactly what he had done wrong--but Mearc beating them to it is throwing the Bright One off balance. Which, unfortunately, results in their forced calm fracturing. Their lips purse tightly, arms uncrossing.
"Yeah. You really fucked up. Do you have any idea how much I worried about you? How scared I was? I didn't sleep, Mearcstapa. Nearly the whole time you were gone. Every time I close my eyes I feel like there's someone standing over me--or I imagined someone standing over you. I needed you, and you fucking... put your fear and your fucking pride before what I needed. You didn't even take the time to ask how I was when you came back--it was all about you hurting and you being alone. All I've done since I was fucking stabbed in my sleep is worry about you!"
Another flicker of Jack's mien, and he goes to step away from Lux - but then changes his mind. "Firefly..." It's quiet, a little pleading almost. And then he looks at Mearc, and opens his mouth. But says nothing, before he closes it again.
Mearc moves to sit on the edge of the tub, hands resting against the side of it. Completely open, not getting heated at all. His freckles turn redder, but his face remains calm. "You're right. That wasn't fair to you." His mantle flares with a soft rustle, the sensation of being watched from behind intensifying.
"I know I'm right," Lux grumbles, voice lowering again. Their fingers curl and uncurl into fists a couple times--restless angry energy that they're trying to vent, not any intent to be violent. "Are you going to try to do better in the future?"
Jack's hand continues its slow circles on Lux's back, and he looks at Mearc for the answer.
Mearc's voice comes out quiet. "I want to do better. I will try. Jack, if you have anything you want to bitch me out for, please. Please let it out now. I don't want this to be some big...thing. Some hidden core of resentment. So let it out, and then I'll tell you how I intend to make it better."
Lux seems to have vented everything they wish to say, at least for now. They look down to stare hard at the tilted floor between the door and the tub.
Jack sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I...don't want this to feel like we're ganging up on you, Lux...kinda said it all. I love you, an'...you're not alone, anymore, none of us can just...make decisions for all of us. And this shit - all of it - was about all of us."
"It was. And I lost sight of that, because of my drive to feel useful. I know it read to you as pride, Lux, but it's the exact opposite. I need to work on leaning on other people. On trusting them to have my back. Sturm and I have talked about how next time we need at least one more emergency mom, because twelve-hour shifts is not sustainable." He takes a deep breath. "I want a home with you two. And I want to make it as safe as I am able to. A fortress, where none of us are ever afraid to sleep. It'll have to be large enough that we each have space for ourselves, as well as family space. It won't be perfect. All safety is an illusion, but it's an illusion I want to enforce with every trick in my arsenal. But, as Jack just said, that's not a decision I can make for us, on my own."
Oh no. Welp. There comes the tears. Lux's eyes glimmer and glisten as they overflow, their bottom lip trembling briefly before their shaking hands lift to cover their face, rubbing the balls of their palm into their eyes. "I want that," Lux manages to choke out, shoulders slumping.
"That all sounds..." Jack swallows and nods, and nudges Lux forward. Toward Mearc, and puts his other arm out to offer Mearc some tactile comfort. "Yeah. I...want that too." He fumbles a bit, with the wanting. Because of course he does. But he sure does sound like he means it.
"I'd like it to be Ironside, ideally. But we can discuss that in more detail later. I...am going to be working on leadership skills. Learning about delegating, and personnel resource management, as the topics are handled by mundane organizations. In order to work on the 'I need to do everything in order to be useful' part of the problem. I have some ideas for where to start, there. And I'm going to be going to synagogue regularly. Maybe not every single week, but I want to build myself ties to the community, in order to have roots that aren't solely defined by my work. I love my Youtube channel, but I need to have something outside the security sphere to lean on. So, there's the beginning of my plan for how to do better." He lightly bites his lower lip, looking up at them. "Is that...enough?"
Lux sniffs and continues wiping at their eyes, but the tears don't stop flowing now that they've started. They nod weakly, blinking past the tears. "Y-yeah... yeah... that's... that's good. I... thank you..." Their shoulders hunch lower. "Hug me? Please?"
Jack wraps his arm properly around Lux's waist now, tugging them further into the bathroom. "'S a hell of a lot better 'n I'd be doing, in your position, lionheart. All sounds solid to me."
He pushes up off the tub, and wraps himself tightly around both Darklings. Rocking, slowly. "I made a comment at ice cream about Sigrun, and her life changes. But. I think...examining myself, too, in the light of what happened is important. The level of commitment she's showing is a quality of merit."
He feels warm, because sunburned skin always does. The inflammation will do that. But it might make for a nice warm hug, in this moment.
"I love you both so much."
Lux crumples into them both, but their face dips to press into Mearc's chest, starting to openly sob now. Their arms wrap tightly around his waist to cling, shoulders shaking. "I... I love you... too..." they manage to choke out in between sobs and whimpers. They've been long over due for a good cry, and... well, the dam has broken now, it seems.
Time for a Lux sandwich, clearly, and Jack shifts to squeeze them more tightly, rocking with Mearc. His hand is gentle on Mearc's back, 'cause sunburn fuckin sucks, and he gives Lux a few soft kisses on the side of their head. "Love you too, babe..." He murmurs to Mearc, and lets out a shaky breath before kissing Mearc softly, too.
Even through that soft, gentle kiss, Mearc cradles the back of Lux's head with one hand as they cry, fingernails gently running in small circles on their scalp. "I could never have imagined any of this, a year ago."
Lux cries for... a while. They don't say anything, not really able to. It's hard body wracking sobs, and eventually they either need the two to hold them up or they just need to... sit down on the tiled floor. Which, really, they don't seem to mind, if that happens. They just curl up against them.
But eventually they calm to just a sniffling, trembling mess against them, face covered rather unattractively in snot and tears.
Jack will follow them down to the ground, rubbing their back and kissing their hair. Letting them cry it out. He uses his other hand to run his fingers through Mearc's hair, combing out the tangles and giving him comfort while he comforts Lux.
Even as a sniffling trembling mess covered in snot, Mearc leans in to kiss Lux gently, before standing and moving to the sink to dampen a washcloth with warm water, before bringing it back and gently washing the mess off Lux's face. "Jack, grab a bottle of water from the minifridge? And some Advil out of the first aid kit in my messenger bag. Otherwise they'll have that awful, sinusy headache you get after a cry."
Lux lets Mearc tend to them, eyes closing as their face is cleaned. "Ugh..." Another sniff, frowning deeply, embarrassment starting to set in as the breakdown passes--though mostly they just look tired. "Sorry..."
"Still the responsible one, even on vacation..." Jack kisses Lux's cheek, and then Mearc again, before standing with a groan. "You don't gotta be sorry, firefly. Be right back."
"Lux. You don't have to apologize for this. I love you, even when you snot all over my shirt." He settles with his back against the tub, pulling Lux closer so he's almost cradling them. "We'll all get better together."
They just... curl up on the floor, legs tucked up while their face presses into Mearc's stomach. "I know," they murmur, eyes closing as they allow themself to relax against him. "But 'm still sorry for yelling at you... Just... been holdin' it in. For too long."
"You sure you weren't planning on working here, babe?" Jack calls from the bedroom. "Got all your shit with you..." He wanders back into the bathroom and pauses, watching the tender moment between the two of them.
"I never leave home without it. Hell, it's half the reason I'm so in love with the coat Drake made me. It means I don't need as many pockets." He answers Jack before looking down at Lux. "I've been expecting it. You didn't need to hold onto that so long--I was just trying to make sure I didn't spring it on you, in a moment you weren't expecting."
"I'm sorry I held it in for so long," Lux sighs, nuzzling into his chest and clinging tighter to his shirt. "I knew you were doin' your best. I knew you just wanted to protect us. It wasn't the time to blow up or have a meltdown. Then it just... everything came crashing down after she was killed..."
Jack huffs in amusement at Mearc, and takes the few steps to sink down next to the two of them. He opens the water and the pill bottle and offers both to Lux.
"I wonder which of our enemies is the next we'll get to watch burn." There's a wry undertone of dark humor there.
Lux grimaces a bit. "...I was there, just Light-Shyed. Didn't want everyone to see how much I enjoyed watching her burn..."
They sit up just enough to take the pill and water though, gulping them down. "Thanks..."
"Welcome, firefly." Jack gives them a gentle kiss on the cheek. "I...stopped by for a bit, too." He looks a little guilty. "Wanted to see it with my own eyes. but...I didn't wanna have to talk to anyone."
"You were both there and neither of you stopped me from bitching Glitch out? Awful." Mearcstapa huffs quietly.
"...I think I might have missed that. Um. Sorry, I was standing off to the side..." They reach for Jack to pull him down into the cuddle pile. "Why'd you bitch Glitch out?"
"He deserved it..." Jack mutters, a smirk growing on his face, and lets out a small yelp when Lux pulls him down. The slightest hint of alcohol whiffs down with him.
"He tried to hand me a fresh and exciting problem at the funeral. I told him if it wasn't something that could be resolved before midnight to find someone else to handle it. I earned my break." Mearc shakes his head quietly
"Ugh." Lux huffs and clings around Mearc tighter, possessively. "You did. I... hope this doesn't ruin vacation. That I haven't--made things tense. I didn't mean to. I really want us to have a good time..."
"After Mearc posted the fucking notice telling everyone he was off duty, too..." Jack shakes his head and drapes his arm around both their shoulders.
"No, you haven't ruined anything. This is part of what vacation is for. For working out all the bad feelings, so we're fresh when we return home and work on finding a home. And pick up all those problems again." He sighs contentedly. "But none of those tonight. Tonight, I think, we find a movie. Something uncomplicated. Snuggle together in bed, order room service for midnight snack."
"That... sounds perfect," Lux murmurs with a heavy sigh, arm releasing Mearc so it can wrap around Jack, hugging them both. "Thank you. For being here, for this. I... fuck, I love you both so much." Another little sniffle.
"Pretty sure I've got my midnight snacks right here..." He flashes the two of them a grin and shifts to snuggle closer to the two of them. "Love you too, firefly. And you, lionheart. 'M so...fucking in love with the both of you."
"...We definitely should have hot make up sex sometime soon." Lux's lips quirk upwards. "But... I also wouldn't mind having some cake right now."
"...I mean, the two don't have to be entirely separate experiences, if we're creative about it and tip housekeeping well when we leave." Mearc grins.
That makes Lux snort loudly in amusement, head turning to bury against Mearc's stomach. "Mmm, you're awful... Wonderfully, beautifully awful."
"Cake and sex? We really are on vacation..." Jack leans in to kiss the back of Lux's neck. "We could go all out and see about chocolate syrup, too..."
"Whipped cream." Mearcstapa chuckles. "Shall I get in touch with room service, and make that a thing that happens now?"
"Mmm, yes please," Lux purs.
Lux's purr makes Jack nuzzle the back of their neck, huffing out a soft laugh. A moment later, he lifts his head to kiss Mearc passionately, lingering for a few moments when he comes up for ait.
After Jack pulls back, Mearc leans in for a nibble at his lower lip gently. "Let me up, I'll go get dessert happening."
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