Logs:Of Course I Know You. You're Me.

Content Warning implied child abuse, physical harm mention

Cast Rena Harlowe, Sturm

Setting Text Messages.

Log S: Hey. We should talk. Figure text would be better so nobody starts throwing punches, yeah? R: i do not know if changelings can punch people through text S: I don't know what a changeling is. S: [a download link to the app for Signal.] R: wait are there two weird magic people types that get kidnapped R: i dont know shit about magic R: still not positive you arent a mage R: that link doesnt work for me R: says my phone is too old S: I don't know what video game you're talking about, Rena. Maybe you should tell me about it *in person* rather than *on the phone where there's a accessible text transcript* R: if the government is listening in they probably already know all this shit anyway R: theres no reason to wiretap me unless you already have me on suspicion of being a dead girl R: i dont think they wire tap for possession or petty theft R: but if they do im fucked S: ... Jesus Christ S: I'm sure you're joking about possession and petty theft, because you wouldn't want to make me an accessory after the fact. S: Don't your people have some kind of code of secrecy? R: we do but it doesnt apply to other weirdos R: also they absolutely will not prosecute you for me having ten bucks of heroin and then you hearing that i bought that and also robbed a candy bar for a snack R: years ago R: im clean now R: anyway the people in charge of the secrecy shit dont care that much or theyd have an issue R: with like most of me S: Jesus Christ. S: information control is incredibly important. R: my name is rena not jesus S: Obviously. S: though Jesus couldn't keep a fuckin secret either and look what happened to him R: became super famous and well loved R: got to come back from the dead R: which is hashtag goals really S: You forgot the "betrayed/painfully tortured/shamed/suffering terribly before getting murdered" part R: i never went to church R: i got dragged once to a production of jesus christ superstar R: and i left like part of the way through R: thats the extent of my theeology knowledge R: anyway when are you apologizing for telling me to stop talking to my fucking sibling S: We're going to throw hands again if you don't chill the fuck out, you little hellion. R: hellion? R: okay grandma R: or possibly R: a british boarding school teacher R: i dont know which one of those is a better bit to make fun of you saying the word hellion R: anyway nothing you ever say or do will convince me to not be around one of the few people in the world that make me feel worth a damn R: so like R: if this chat is another attempt at that R: dont S: I was going to apologize for loosing my temper and nearly caving in your thick-ass skull. R: im sorry for breaking your arm R: probably should have provoked you less too R: least thats what bug says R: and theyve got more sense than me S: Not by much. S: but yeah. S: Anyway look. I lost my shit because I spent so much of my time trying to keep them from running ass-over-head towards trouble - mundane or otherwise - and I was just extremely angry that it didn't matter in the end. Not an excuse - just an explanation. Just made me mad that keeping my distance and being cautious didn't mean shit - and that I coulda built a better relationship with them if I'd realized that shit was gonna just happen anyway. R: if it makes you feel any better R: i avoided them for months cause i didnt want em drawn into my bullshit R: but it turned out they already were R: theyre in something with another vamp R: i dont know if its romantic or platonic but its deep R: zhe told them everything first S: ... Jesus christ. S: You're all morons aren't you? S: and I still don't know what a vamp is in the context of your video game. Again, probably an in-person topic of conversation. R: its a type of shoe R: google it R: and ill have you know i had a 4.0 when i dropped out S: I'm sure. R: ouch R: cold one S: Look, I don't know hardly anybody with a complete high school education. A 4.0 GPA isn't gonna convince me that you're smart half as easily as staying out of trouble will. S: lol R: isnt getting in trouble and then out of trouble proof of quick thinking R: anyway R: ill have you know im being a good girl and not going on a revenge quest right now S: Getting out of trouble, maybe, but if it's trouble you got yourself into? That's just jerking off. S: And yeah. I read the reports.. Good. Don't fuck with those rat bastards unless you've got a flamethrower. R: different revenge this time R: stuff that might actually get us wiretapped S: ... use metaphors. R: like the movie death wish only with way way way lower stakes and starring 2 nb twinks instead of charles bronson and his daughter S: i never saw that movie. R: three is better S: they filmed it in austin tho S: went to the restaurant - guy in my old town would not shut the fuck up about it. S: wait no thats death proof. S: idk I'm not great about pop culture. I have a gap between 94 and 2010. R: yo im going to hold a movie night soon R: mostly for my kinda people R: but if you want to see the best romance movie ever made you can come R: its called twilight R: dont look it up tho R: itll spoil the many beautiful twists R: also death wish is from the 70s S: I didn't watch a lot of movies when I was a kid. Parents didn't have a tv. S: and also I know what twilight is. R: fuck R: dont tell anyone on my side of the fence R: im trying to get a lot of old people at once S: you cannot gremlin me. S: my partner is the fucking gremlin monarch of the planet. R: avoid getting them (?) wet after midnight S: Them is correct. R: wait fuck it was wet at all and food after midnight R: mixed the two up shit R: also was there a third rule R: anyway dont get your partner food after 1201 in the am S: uh huh. S: Re: Twilight. You may consider... not trolling everyone you meet. They may like you more. S: :P R: i only do it to people i like and people who bug likes S: I see. S: Well I wish you the best of luck with winning friends, then. R: and i wish you luck with trying to alienate everyone around you R: or is that just a me thing R: because if this is how you talk to everyone bug knows R: then no wonder they werent mad at me for breaking your arm like a kitkat S: You're doing it too. Just in a different way. Trauma manifests in differently for people. I am icy and distant. You're a little troll until you're just pissed off and lashing out. Just how it goes. R: fuck you R: you dont know me S: I know you a lot better than you think. R: no you dont R: youre just saying that to sound superior and adult R: you dont know fuckall S: This is going to be a very hard pill to swallow, Rena. We all want to believe that our traumatic experiences make us special - because if they don't what else did we go through them for? But they don't. and they're not an excuse for being a little shit. An explanation? Sure. But in the end, there are a lot of people who have gone through what you've gone through, and I'm willing to bet that I know you, because I've been you. R: if youre some kind of expert on me fine R: tell me what im going through R: tell me all the stressors floating through my brain R: dr tallass psy d S: Queer and homeless. Probably had a fucked up dad that treated you like garbage and made you feel like you weren't worth shit beyond what he could wring out of you. Maybe he wanted a legacy, maybe he just wanted someone to manipulate idgaf it doesn't matter what he wanted he left you to pick up the fucking pieces and you're so goddamned mad about it that you can't fucking help but lash out at anyone that you even think might be fucking with you, because goddamnit youre a good person. Youre a nice fucking person and you just want to give a shit about people but it's fucking hard because all the people who should've given a shit about you didn't and now it all just seems fucking fake and stupid and the worst part of it is? When people do give a shit about you? Like actually give a real ahit about you? You feel like you don't deserve it. like they should fucking treat you like shit too because that's how deep the trauma goes and unpacking it is a fucking bitch. So you don't. Because it's just easier to be a goddamned asshole all the time. S: so yeah you little shit I've been you. [There is a long pause between responses] R: fuck off R: did bug tell you that shit R: did guy S: Nope. S: I just know you. S: I've seen a dozen of you S: I've been you. S: Sometimes I still am you. S: In the end you gotta unpack the box tho. R: fuck you R: im trying okay R: i got real fucked up by the shit goin on in my life lately R: but im trying to get better R: its fucking hard S: I know. S: I'm glad you have people. S: And I get that too. S: There's a lot of bullshit S: and it makes it hard to move forward S: I get the addiction thing too. When I got back from Over There? I can count the times I was sober over the next five years on one hand. S: So. Sure I'm on a tall-ass horse while shouting this shit at you but I had to climb up onto the fucking horse and it was hard. S: okay maybe horse was a bad metaphor considering. Mb. S: pretend I said tower R: bein sober is hard R: general advice R: unless you want to get hooked on a real weird high R: dont drink blood from anyone like me S: I don't know if it works like that for us but likewise. I hear it makes you throw up or trip balls or something. R: boss would have told me if it makes you trip R: just makes you upchuck unless you train to R: downchuck it S: huh. Back where I used to live people said it made yall have crazy nightmares and shit. Based on our worst experiences. S: ahh well. Buncha old fucks that were full of shit anyhow. R: might could R: dont know for sure R: not going to try it R: sides guy can drink yall and i can drink guy and that comes as a bonus hit R: back in texas? S: Yeah. Nacogdoches. R: bless you S: The community out that way is old as balls. Very traditional. Lots of people keeping lots of secrets. S: Anyway all that drinking shit is weird as fuck R: yeah it blows R: i miss hash browns R: hash browns are the one thing i miss from being a kid S: can't you just eat hashbrowns? R: ill barf em up S: I mean i get that you gotta throw it up or whatever but it still tastes the same right? R: i dont like barfing R: it hurts R: its more painful than hash browns are tasty R: plus i dont have hash brown money S: Well. That's fair. S: All I'm saying is I work at a diner, so if you do want hashbrowns at some point, they're on the house. R: maddys? R: or another one S: Yea. Maddy's. R: might R: i swing by now and again R: youll have to hold my hair S: K S: Yeah I can do that. S: Anyhow I'm being dragged away from my phone. Catch you later, shrimp.