Logs:Overindulgence

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Content Warning

extensive discussion of past drug use, fade to black, discussion of lying and manipulation in friendships and other relationships

Cast

Drake Pike, Jack Martingale

Setting

digital space, fairmount park

Log

A text from Drake to Jack: You know Rocco

yeah

He is my Avowed

yours?

Yes

thats pretty possessive

No?
It's fact.

why is he yours and not his own?

Because you can't make a promise to yourself in the eyes of the wyrd. That is not how it works.

what did you two promise?

That's private.
Avowed only come for those they've sworn themselves to. It's how it works.
I have many books on the subject.

ok
happy for u two
will it make shit weird for us?

Yes.

okay
so now what

Now if you hurt Rocco again, I hurt you. My claws are very sharp.

ah
i dont plan to
shits different now and we're not together anyway

That doesn't change anything.
You can still feel things when you don't marry someone.
You can still have sex or spend time.

wait youre married????

Yes.

wow okay
he know you're poly?
he wasn't super into it when we were together

What?
Did you cheat on Rocco?
He told me you did drugs so I told him you and I did still in Baltimore. It was fun.
Except that Amon was there.
I could have had less of him.

no
oh jfc
theres a lotta stuff about me thats different now and rocco doesnt know that
and that probably didnt help
can we meet up to talk about this?
even if we still just text i'd like to see your face while i do

He can see it.
That's how Avowed work.
We can meet.

oh yeah i know
thats not the only thing thats different
i saw him the other day, we talked about some stuff

And then he warned me about you.

that tracks
he only knows me from Before

Are you much different?

its a long story
lets meet
your place or somewhere public?

Public. I want to see where you will pick to explain your past and be emotionally available through text messages.

ouch
im not known for being emotionally available
but ill do my best fairmount park?

Ok

When Jack arrives at the pair, well, it seems Drake has found a space to be. Most of the way up one of the skinny trees set around, weighing down his branch.


Jack can't help but huff out a laugh when he sees the other Changeling, and lifts his hand to sign hello. He's got his motorcycle helmet under his arm, and familiar leather pants on, though he seems to have forgone the jacket today, instead wearing a tight floral t-shirt.

"We could also sign, I guess?" Jack's clearly been practicing, and he speaks the same words as he signs them.


Drake looks down at the other with a squint. Today's a white breezy shirt and khaki pants that both seem to be near artfully paint splattered.

He signs, "We can. It is blunt. If you want to dance around with your words, it won't work."


"True. It will be better if I have to be blunt, I think. Maybe." Jack sits down on the grass and lays back to look up at the dragon.

"What do you want to know?"


"Are you different? How?" signs the dragon sitting so high up in the tree.


"When Rocco and I met I was getting high a lot. It got worse after we were dating. There is a lot I can't remember. But I know I was bad for him. Obviously it wasn't his fault. My life was shit and I did drugs to escape that." Jack pauses, his mien flickering and shuddering, and he runs distracted fingers through his hair. "I don't know how much I hurt him but I know I did."


"You still do drugs to escape," signs Drake. "You aren't explaining what's different."


"Baltimore was not usual. I'm not high all the time like I was then. Before Baltimore I hadn't touched drugs like that in two years." "But you drink a lot. How is that different for you?" questions the dragon with a head tilt. His eyes still never break that unending stare with that inner lid keeping eyes moist.


There's a beat, and flecks of charcoal explode away from Jack's face. "Lots of ways. They are all excuses. I'm trying to stop drinking now. Mearcstapa and others are helping. I didn't have that help before. No." He waves the last statement away. "I didn't want it. I do now." "Rocco can tell you more about how bad I was. I do not remember a lot of that time."


"Because you were too high?"


"Yes. And when I was sober I was depressed or dissociating. Bad for memory."


"Why? What was wrong with your mind?"


"Bad shit growing up." Jack shrugs, charcoal jumping away from his shoulder. "I wanted to forget."


"Did you trade it to a goblin to make a weapon out of"


Jack frowns, clearly not understanding. "I don't have a weapon from a goblin."


"If there was something wrong that made you worse, but it's still there, what changed?" signs Drake.


"I got Taken." Jack grimaces, the sketchy lines around his face darkening slightly. "Arcadia was my rehab."


"That isn't good rehab," signs Drake simply. "Indulgence isn't bad."


"It is when all you can think about is the next time you can indulge. And when it starts to wreck your relationships."


"So what you're saying is you're not different but want to be?"


Jack takes a breath. "I stepped down enough that I feel different. I act differently, I make different choices. I don't know how to explain it." He looks a little frustrated.


Drake pulls out his phone to text. Why do you care what I think?

because i dont want my past shit to wreck our relationship

We aren't in a relationship.

no but we have one
i consider you a friend with benefits
is that not accurate?

Drake's whole face changes, and another plume of smoke comes from his nostrils. He glares down at his phone and hits buttons rapidly. No.
You already picked.
And you picked the devil.

what? Jack pulls back, lines streaking across his forehead as he frowns.
what do u mean i picked the devil?
from what I remember i picked both of u that night
and u didnt seem to have a problem with it

You told Eddie it was good to meet a friend of a friend.
We weren't friends.
I told you all that.
Amon is Eddie's friend.
You chose Amon.

There's a few moments, while Jack processes that. His mien shifts and shudders, and he runs a hand through his already tousled hair.
that was diplomacy shit
making nice with the monarch, claiming some connection to him to make further diplomacy and negotiation easier
i don't know shit about amon except he's a good lay and knows how to get people to do the shit he wants
useful acquaintance to have
not my friend like you
sorry i gave you the wrong idea, it didn't occur to me what it might sound like to u

So you lied.

you could call it that, yeah
"friend of an acquaintance" doesn't have the same ring to it and wont get anyone far

I told Eddie he wasn't my friend to his face.
I got far.
And I'm bad at people.
There may be a full on pout happening up in the tree, edging closer to tantrum.
Lies are stupid.

you're bad at people but you make gorgeous art
you dont have to lie to get far
i have to rely on the shit I say, whether its true or not
im sorry I hurt you with it

You're a liar. That hasn't changed.
I don't like that.

Jack winces. i dont know what to say about that
it doesnt feel that black and white to me
but youre my friend and im not lying about that

Eat a goblin eye.

what?

Eat a goblin eye.

"What will that do?" Jack switches to ASL, canting his head as he looks up at Drake.

You will see lies. It's why you don't lie to goblins. Why goblins don't lie to each other texts Drake.
Then it is black and white.
It either makes the eye wriggle in your gut or it doesn't.

i dont need to see lies
i know that most people lie about things
and for what its worth - some people would say that the amount of interaction amon and i have had would make us friends
there's not like "friends" and "not friends", there's levels
gray areas
not just black and white
faerie might be black and white, but the human world is not at all

Things are or they are not.
Anything else is a self deception.

thats not how it works here
you'll be happier when you learn that
i'll try not to lie to you though
especially about relationships and emotions and those things

It is how it works.
You choose to lie.
I don't.

i like to think i dont lie about important things
but i would lie to keep us safe

I don't lie. I keep us plenty safe. Especially with Rocco's help.
At this point, the phone gets put away and climbing down starts happening.

Jack waits until Drake has finished climbing down the tree. "Not everyone is like you," he signs. "We all have different ways of keeping safe. I don't fight - violence makes me uncomfortable. But I understand that it happens, and I don't..." a moment, while he tries to find the right sign. "b-e-g-r-u-d-g-e people who fight."

"I don't fight," signs Drake simply.

"It was an example. I like you. I hurt you, and I'm sorry. I want to be your friend."

"I don't know," signs Drake. "I don't think we're friends yet."

"when does someone become your friend?"

Drake considers for a long moment before signing, "When we trust each other and say it."

"You don't trust me." Jack doesn't look particularly surprised.

"You lie."

"There are people I trust who lie. But you are not me."

"This is why goblins are better than people."

"You trust goblins? You are friends with goblins?"

"Some."

"Because they don't lie, so you can trust them?" Jack raises his eyebrows.

"Yes. They don't manipulate to get what they want. They might take it, but they're very easy to understand the wants of."
"Like animals."
"Or Atalo."

"And Rocco?" Jack's hands are tentative as he signs.

"Rocco," the name sign comes easily. "He is my knight. Of course I can trust him."

"And you won't trust me unless I stop lying?" A beat. "I am trying to work out the cause and effect. I would like to be your friend. But I negotiate with people, and sometimes that means stretching the truth."

"It's not a stretch. It's a lie."

"Whatever." Jack looks frustrated again, and pulls out his phone. I'm assuming all lies look the same to you too? since you seem to be so hung up on this on that feels relatively small to me

Drake pulls out his phone to look down at. It feels small to you. It named someone I hate your friend before me. That isn't small to me.

i was including you in it - i've considered you my friend for a long time, i didn't know that it wasn't mutual. it didn't occur to me to ask
im sorry

Say it. sends Drake as he looks over to Jack, hand on his stomach.

say what?

The dragon doesn't lift his phone, just staring.

"say what? that I was including you in the friend of a friend thing?" Jack fumbles the signs here, but speaks clearly enough. "I've considered you a friend for a long time. I didn't think to ask you about it."

Jack seems to be telling the honest truth.

"You're stupid," says Drake aloud.

"Jesus, Drake..." Jack says, and huffs, shaking his head in amusement. "Why this time?"

"You could have just said it. Instead of doing a stupid dance."

"I didn't know that's what you needed to hear." Jack signs apologetically.

"You should tell people when they're important. That's normal," insists Drake.

That makes Jack wince. "You're right. You are important to me, I like being around you. You're infuriating sometimes but I still want to be your friend."

"Often," corrects Drake. "That's good. I make you feel lots."

Jack grins, laughing quietly at the correction. "You do make me feel things, yes. Do I make you feel anything besides distrust?" His signing is hesitant, like he's afraid to ask the question.

"Yes." Drake moves forward and grabs Jack by the t-shirt to lift slightly off the ground with just the slightest grunt.

Jack's mouth opens slightly in surprise, and he hesitantly slides an arm over Drake's shoulder. "You gonna elaborate?" A few scribbles darken his cheeks and lips, but it's an easy enough question to read.

"No," says Drake as he carries the Darkling over to press into the tree. Then he begins to grind against the other as he's got him trapped there.

"Ah -" More scribbles dance across Jack's face, and he grins, before moving to press his lips against the dragon's. His other hand wraps around Drake's waist, holding their bodies together.

You know how some people have boundaries about public and acceptable behavior?

Drake doesn't.

The first clue might have been the kiss. Or it might have been the hand thrust down Jack's pants with full intent on using his fingers in the other in public.

"Jesus - fuck -" Not that Drake hears that, but Jack pulls away slightly, moving to tug Drake's hands from down the back of his pants. "Little too public, here."

"Not if I'm very fast," tempts the Dragon man with a little grin. "I could get you off before the police arrive."

"Heh - rather you take your time someplace else. You drive here?" Jack still has Drake's arm in a loose grip.

"Slow sex is boring. That's for when you hae time and energy." Slowly he sets the other down.

"Doesn't need to be slow, just...not the kind of rushed that comes with the certainty of being arrested for indecent exposure." He gives Drake a lopsided smile. "I'm not suggesting a marathon."

"It's not certain," argues Drake.

"Enough that I'm not comfortable..." Jack leans in to kiss Drake's jaw after he speaks. "You find a more hidden spot and I'm absolutely down."

"There are bushes." He pushes the other lightly. "I am serious about Rocco. If you hurt him, I will claw you to pieces. You will live in all of the biggest pieces, but it won't be good."

"I've got no plans to hurt him again. And I don't want to hurt him." Jack slides against the tree and pulls Drake into a lingering kiss before slipping toward the bushes.