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Mearc lives in a small apartment complex outside the city's busier areas. It's a quiet neighborhood, a peaceful one, with kids outside drawing with sidewalk chalk and people walking their dogs. It's not fancy, by any means; the building's been around since the 70s, but the general atmosphere is one of calm. It is in his apartment on fourth floor that Mearc is waiting.
It's not long after some exchanged texts that Lux arrives. Theres some smudges of colored chalk on their fingers--because of course they had to stop to help the kids draw. Tonight's outfit is a long baggy bright blue sweater that hangs down to almost their knees, the bottom torn and tattered. Underneath tights and--of course--sneakers perfect for running in. They pull out their phone to double check that they have the right apartment number, then knock cheerfully.
Mearc answers the door after a moment, wearing his usual cargo pants, this time with a geeky T-shirt (it has a joke about binary on it) paired with them. "Hey, glad you found the place."
"Wasn't too hard to find," they reply with a shrug, then a flash of a grin. "It's a nice neighborhood. Your neighbor's kids are cute."
"Oh, were Kaydyn and Linsey outside still? I saw them as I came back from the deli. Come on in, do you want anything to drink?"
The inside of the apartment is very tidy--not in the sense of being completely spotless, but there's a sort of minimalism to the decor. No art on the walls, which are still a pleasant neutral off-white, for example. It doesn't really feel personalized, and might even feel a little cold.
"Yeah, they've covered the sidewalk with butterflies. Very talented for their age." Lux smirks, stepping inside past him--though their fingers brush along his arm as they do. But once inside they're looking around curiously, taking in the place. Their lips purse a hint as they see how cold it is. "Hmm."
"Hmm?" Mearc tilts his head to one side, giving Lux a curious look.
Their shoulders lift. "I expected something more colorful, I guess? Not that it's a bad place. It's nice. A lot nicer than mine."
"I suppose I haven't really settled enough to properly decorate yet." The excuse sounds weak and unstable, even to him, and his red freckles flare up. "And I'm not really good at that sort of thing, anyway."
"Hmm. Maybe I'll have to do a painting for you, sometime. Give the place some decoration." They look around as if already making plans, but then pause as they catch themself, reigning in the urge. "I mean... it's your place. So long as you're comfortable here."
"I...think I'd like a painting from you." He glances at the walls briefly. "That would be pretty nice."
"Yeah?" They perk up, grinning again. "Okay, yeah. Sure. I'd love to. Give me some time and I'll come up with something perfect."
"In the mean time, I have some kugel--both potato and noodle--and a couple knishes in the kitchen, so you can understand what we're aiming for, and a little more about the food culture...thing. Words." He gestures a ways down the hall to a room where the light's already on.
"Oh--yeah, sounds great. Here to learn." Lux smiles. "I was actually hoping to learn more about like... the culture of it? I wasn't sure if kugel had like, some importance other than just tasting good." Lux heads down the hall, looking around as they go.
The kitchen has the same lack of decor, but at least seems to have all the appliances needed, and a small table with two chairs. There's a paper bag in the middle of the table. Mearc gets paper plates and plastic utensils. "I mean, the thing about a potato kugel is that you can eat it during Passover, and that's kind of important for foods you bring to a seder. You couldn't bring the knish and get away with it. Though it's worth mentioning that different groups of Jewish people draw the line differently when it comes to what's okay then. For example, the Ashkenazi Jews--the ones who have roots in Eastern Europe, primarily, we traditionally ban things like corn, rice and beans for Passover. Moroccan Jews are cool with beans and peas, but skip rice. It's a cultural thing, and it's often 'what did your grandparents do?'"
Lux listens attentively, their experience with this topic clearly at a minimum but eager to learn. "Got it. So the supor we're going to, will be Ashkenazi?" They step over to the table, peering into the bag curiously. "It smells awesome."
"That's the theory I'm working with, given Rabbi Cohen, and what I could research about the synagogues he works with. Anyway, in that bag are corner pieces of potato and noodle kugel, and then two things that sort a look like Jewish hot pockets, but feel about twice as dense. Feel free to pull out whatever you want to start with."
They bob their head, pulling out containers to pop open. They look between the options then start with the potato kugel, carving off a couple pieces to put on plates. "How are you feeling about all this? I mean--going to seder. It seemed to kinda... freak you out, at first."
The potato kugel is a little darker than golden brown and comes with smol containers of applesauce and sour cream on the side. It is currently cold.
"If it were Rosh Hashanah or Sukkot or some other holiday, I'd be less likely to do anything about it, but less...knocked off-balance by it. I mean, think about it for a moment, this is the big holiday for celebrating liberation from bondage, freedom from slavery, the exodus from Egypt into the wandering in the desert, learning how to be people again before we found a home. That, uh. That's...thematically resonant? It's a thing."
Lux goes very still and quiet, staring down at the plate of food. They frown, but otherwise their expression is more guarded. "I... guess I hadn't really... thought about it like that."
"It's why I feel a little more awkward about the LGBTQ seder, I think. I'm already reading extra layers into all of the everything. While I can understand why it makes sense to approach the seder through that lens, it's...already something that's weighing on me a lot differently than when I was a kid."
They set the fork aside and straighten to look to Mearc. "You know you don't have to go, right? I know I pushed you, but... You don't. If it's better for you."
"I know that I don't have to go. I also know that going to at least one seder is going to be really good for me. I also also know I'm probably going to end up crying and I'm scared to do that in front of people, and especially in front of you. But I'm Autumn, so I'm going to fortify and face that fear. Okay?"
"Okay." Lux nods slowly. "Is there anything you'd prefer me do or not do, during it? If you get, uh... upset?"
"I don't think you would laugh at me, but that's...please don't, yeah?" He lets out a nervous little laugh.
Their brows crease. "No. I'd never laugh at you. I take sorrow pretty seriously--Winter and all..."
"You're a bit of a strange specimen among the court, though, huh?" This might be a bit of a deflection, an attempt at a subject change. He cuts off a corner of the kugel to nom, watching them.
Their shoulders lift, picking up their plate and fork again. "Sure, but that doesn't mean I don't respect the feelings. I'm not that bad at comforting people when I need to be."
"Makes sense." He nods. "Uh, why did you choose Winter? If that's not too nosy to ask."
The Bright One chomps into a big bite, chewing for a moment with head tilted. "Mmm... Shit. This is really good." They take a smaller bite to chew at before shrugging at Mearc. "You appreciate the highs more if you embrace the lows."
Mearc pauses for a moment to consider that. "I suppose that makes sense, yeah."
"Why did you choose Autumn? I think it's about like... wanting to teach people how to be safe by pointing out how they're not safe, but is there more to it?" They pull out the noodle one next to divide up between them.
"That's most of it. I was Winter for around a year before changing to Autumn. And I think the reason I was drawn to Winter was that I didn't think I needed other people. I could just hunker down, hide and be safe. But as time went on, I found that just being safe wasn't sufficient for me, so I started looking into what it was that made me feel fulfilled."
"You were?" Lux blinks in surprise for a moment. "Huh... I guess that makes sense..." They try a bite. "No wonder you... seem to get it."
"Feel free to try it with the sour cream or the applesauce. Or both, if you're a true rebel." He gestures to the side containers, with their little plastic lids. "Yeah, back in Chicago, I was in a good position in the local Autumn Court, serving as an assistant to one of the Scriveners. More of an errand boy, really, but."
Lux considers the containers for a moment, then dollops out a spoonful of applesauce on top to try. "...I do like that better. But I think I like the potato most, so far." Still, they're happily eating. "Is Scrivener a title you'd like to have here, eventually?"
"In the long run, perhaps. I don't think I have the connections I need, yet, though." He shrugs. "Though titles aren't really important to me, so much as capacity to do useful work for the Freehold. Having a title should represent that, first and foremost."
"I get you. Never been big into the title thing either. Rather just... do my own thing, you know? I think that's another reason why I like Winter. No one pokes too much into what you're doing--so easy to do what you want, so long as you don't fuck things up for others." They start eyeing the other dishes, lifting one of the hot pocket like things to sniff at. "What is this?"
"That's a knish. It's dough stuffed with mashed potatoes and fried onions. It's dense, flavored with salt and pepper, and kinda a carb overload. But imagine what it represented to poor Polish or Russian farmers, in terms of a meal. Some are done with other fillings, too. Cheese is pretty popular, too. So, it's not entirely unlike an empanada or something like that, just...skewed, in exact flavor profile."
"Huh, yeah..." Lux nods along, then takes a bite. They stare down at the knish, brows knit. "...I'm going to have to run all over town to work this off, but fuck this is good." Another bite, chewing cheerfully. "I think this is my favorite."
"Lux, were you not already going to run all over town?" He gives them a teasing little smirk.
"Not if I stay the night here," Lux says far too casually, lips quirking.
"...oh. Was, uh. Was that something you were planning?" His freckles do the thing. Of course they do the thing.
Lux smirks widely, then leans over to kiss him on the cheek. "I don't have any plans," they assure. "I just wanted to see you blush."
Mearc turns his head to gently brush his lips against Lux's. It's uncertain, hesitant, but an attempt nonetheless.
The kiss catches them off guard, despite having been the one that leaned in to kiss his cheek. They blink in surprise--then step in closer, kissing the Hunterheart fully on the lips. It's chaste and soft, but definitely not just a brush. They pull back after just a second or two, searching his face with their glowing eyes.
Mearc is definitely smiling when they pull away. "You're very gentle with me, Lux." It's a warm, low whisper, as he sets a hand on Lux's hip.
"Is that... good?" Their brows lift, uncertain.
"I'm not sure. I get the sense that you're trying to hold back for my sake. Is that...accurate?"
Lux grimaces. "Uh. Yeah? This is... pretty outside my norm."
"Is it okay for you?" His head tilts to one side slightly.
Lux puffs out a breath, setting down the rest of the knish--that they had been holding off to the side kind of awkwardly with one hand this whole time. They lean back against the edge of the table, hands lowering to grip the edge at their sides. "I mean--I dunno. Yes and no?"
Mearc's green freckles make a return as he watches Lux. "Should I stop asking uncomfortable questions?"
"No--it's okay." Their head shakes lightly. "I'm just... used to racing to the finish line. Then--running past it and usually not looking back." Their lips purse. "Like, uh... with parkour, it's easier if you don't slow down--if you're running along a ledge you just... go and let the momentum lead you. If you slow down, that's when you're more at risk of falling. I don't... want to fuck things up."
"Aha. Whereas I'm more...meticulous and need a bit more communication, and that's foreign to your personal paradigm. Got it." He nods thoughtfully.
"Uh. Yeeeaah." They run a hand over their buzzed hair. "I want you to be comfortable, though."
Mearcstapa steps in closer, taking their chin in a hand, and leans in for another kiss. This time, it's less shy and hesitant. Slow and exploratory, still, but with a bit more passion beneath it.
Lux watches him step in, this time letting Mearc make the move. But once their lips are pressed together their head tips, returning the kiss eagerly, eyes drifting closed. Their hands come to rest against Mearc's sides, squeezing gently.
Mearc kisses like he does a lot of things. Slowly, carefully. But he puts his hands on the table now, on either side of Lux, pinning them lightly between it and him. His eyes close as well, as he tries to feel this out rather than watching.
Lux is clearly not used to this slow thing. There's restraint in the way they grip at his sides, fingers squeezing a little tighter before they force themself to lighten the grip. They lean back against the table, pulling him against them closer. Though after a few seconds their lips curl upwards against his, as if they'd suddenly found something amusing. There's a soft, muffled huff against his lips, but they don't break the kiss.
Mearc does, leaning in to speak right against Lux's ear, his voice a low murmur. "What's so funny?"
Lux lets their arms slide around his waist fully as he leans in. "I just realized... another reason why I'm--so unsure what to do." They grin lopsidedly. "I can't help but feel like you're hunting me, Mearcstapa. And I'm... not used to that. I'm usually the one pursuing and pushing. But--even though you're the one less experienced, I feel like you're about to pounce on me at any moment. It's... hot. But also kind of scary."
Mearc lets out a startled laugh. "Short hunt, I seem to have already caught you." He adjusts his position so he can gently nip at Lux's earlobe.
"I don't just mean... physically," Lux murmurs, breath hitching. Another amused puff out of breath. "This is incredibly hot, and I don't want you to stop, but if you keep going I'm not sure I'll be able to hold myself back anymore."
"Then don't hold yourself back. Not for my sake. I'm inexperienced, not fragile." Another light nip, before he kisses the side of Lux's neck. "You're not going to break me."
"You say that now..." Lux murmurs. Their tone more nervous than playful. Their lights are glowing brighter in warmer colors--orange, pinks. But the kiss to their neck breaks down the rest of their resolve. Their fingers curl into Mearc's t-shirt a second or two--then they're pushing forward until Mearc's back is pressed against a wall, pinned by them, lips capturing his again for a deeper, more intense kiss.
One hand tangles in the frayed bits at the bottom of Lux's sweater, the other holding the back of their head. He lets out a soft sound that's definitely not a complaint about the position he's in right now, holding them tight to him. And what follows likely involves less clothing, after that point, and more movement, and maybe some awkwardness.
At some point, they ended up in the bedroom, on top of and then under, and possibly tangled up in a large black weighted blanket. And then under it again. Mearc has a definite grin on his face. "Well? I was right about not being fragile, right?"
Lux's lights have dimmed into a content lazy glow. They let out a single soft ha in reply, an arm draped around him. "Mm... Yeah, you were right. Damn. I was... honestly not expecting that. Not that I'm complaining, mind..."
"It...was not my plan for the evening, either, originally. But I enjoyed it very much. It almost felt...like that was easier for you than some of all the talking is. Which is interesting to me." His freckles shift toward the green as he gets more pensive about the matter.
"Sex is a lot easier for me than talking," Lux agrees with a light shrug, idling running fingers through his hair. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. I did too. A lot."
"I'd ask why, but you'd either have to talk to explain it or find a way to make it an interpretive dance." A gentle tease, as he closes his eyes, leaning into the petting.
Their eyes roll. "You don't think during sex. Gotta think when you talk."
"Hmm. Next question risks coming out in a way that feels like it might be insensitive. Feel free to tell me to shove the question, if you're not okay with it."
"Might as well go ahead. I won't answer if I don't want to."
"Is it a function of a belief that you're bad at thinking, or a desire to avoid thinking too much?"
They consider the question for several seconds while their fingertips brush along the back of his neck. "Hmm... Both?"
"Tell me more?" He opens his eyes, glancing at their face. It really is hard to tell if he's making eye contact, with those, like, eyeless eyes. Vantablack, not even a shine to show movement.
"See? Hunting," they murmur, with a small lopsided smile.
He snorts softly, adjusting position so one of his legs is crossed over one of Lux's. "Well. Yes, I suppose I am."
"Uh huh. You're lucky you're cute." Lux smirks. "It's the ducking freckles. Throws me off my game." Their hand trails down along his back, settling against his spine as their smirk dims. "...I guess it's... more the desire to avoid thinking too much. If you think about something too much, usually it will start to slide into... bad thoughts."
"You can't just run away from all the bad thoughts you have." A tiny pause. "That's exactly what you're been trying to do, though, isn't it. Run anxiety off, run depression away, run until your body tells you you're warm and exhilarated. Inertia. It goes back to what you were saying about the risk of falling increasing when you slow down. It might all catch up to you."
Lux's lips purse, glowing irises flitting to stare off at a wall instead of Mearc. They don't reply.
Mearc chuckles quietly. "If only that actually worked, in the long run. Erm, no pun intended."
They shrug, hands moving to hook behind their head instead of touching him. A lounging, comfortable pose, but a tiny bit colder. "It works good enough."
"I guess that's what matters, isn't it?" A concession. Mearc pulls his leg back away, offering them space.
"Yeah." They look up at the ceiling for a moment, then glance over at him. "What about you? Ever have issues like that?"
Mearc nods instantly, with a bitter laugh that's more than a hint self-mocking. "Constantly. I overthink everything, watching, trying to learn. Rarely reaching out to do unless I'm sure of an outcome. Not putting myself out there, not putting myself on the line. I live more of my life in my own head than in my body, I think. This is...a considerable outlier."
Lux scoots back a bit so they can sit up, looking over at him. Their lips twitch upwards a bit. "It's... interesting to see how we've come out so different, but came from the same place."
As Lux sits, Mearcstapa moves his head to rest on their leg. "Different methods to cope. It's all rooted in anxiety, at the core. Born from trauma. I wonder if who we were Before has informed our responses to it all now."
Lux lets him. And after several seconds they even lower their hand to return to idly playing with his hair. "Do you... remember much? About the City? Or Before?"
"I remember bits and pieces, of both. And I've...worked backwards to figure out who I was Before, factually. But it's a life that there's no way I could reclaim--the timeline doesn't work out for that to be possible, so I've stayed far away from it for everyone's sake. The City, though...I think it's fair to say I know a bit more about what I did than who I was. But it's hazy."
Lux nods slowly. "It's... kind of the same, for me. I've done enough to... find who I was. But it's been so long and the thing that replaced me has done too much for me to ever..." Their head shakes, lips pursed. "Doesn't matter, anyway. I'd rather run forward than back, you know?" They pause. "Would you rather me not ask about it?"
"It's uncomfortable, but I don't mind the questions. It's...this is a safe place and time to talk about it. And I trust you not to turn around and harm me with it." He reaches out to grab the hand that's in his hair, holding onto it gently. "Okay?"
"Yeah..." They look down at their hands, lacing fingers through his. "I wouldn't." They're quiet for a second or two, still. "What did you do?"
"Infiltrated rebel groups, learning their patterns and secrets before betraying them." A pause, he closes his eyes. "I hunted them."
Lux's fingers still for just a beat--before continuing to run slowly through his hair. "That makes sense."
Mearc lets a silence stand for a few moments, before opening his eyes. "What about you, Lux?"
They frown softly, brows knitting as if in thought. "I don't remember much about it," they admit. "I know I helped light the city. But the rest is kind of... a blur." (You are welcome to roll empathy if you like!)
Mearc is silent for long enough to make his suspicion clear, but he doesn't call out the evasion in words. "I see."
They lean back against the pillows, hand coming to rest against the back of Mearc's neck. The silence stretches on a bit, Lux looking up at the ceiling. "I'm sorry. I just don't want to talk about it yet," they finally murmur.
"That's okay. I'll stop prying." He curls up against Lux, seeking a little more contact. "Who we are now, in theory, matters the most now."
"Yeah," Lux replies with a soft sigh. Their voice sounds more... dull than Mearc has heard it before. "Anyway." They look down at him, brushing hair from his forehead. A smile returns, but it's notably forced. "Am I staying the night or what?"
Mearc nods slightly. "I would like that. We can make the kugel for breakfast, if you're not interested in getting up now. I have the ingredients already. But...you don't have to stay, if you're not comfortable, though."
"I'll stay," they decide after a few moments. "Just... no more hard questions for tonight? Please?"
"Alright." Mearc pauses. "I don't think this is a 'hard' question, but how would you feel about the concept of a conversational safeword, in order to immediately tap out of a conversation that's too intense? It might help build trust, here, to know that either of us can freely request a subject be dropped instantly."
"...You're offering me a conversational safeword? Not a sexy safeword?" Lux's usual dramatics are back, as they look comically disappointed. "What the hell..."
"Look, I'm not saying a sexy safeword can't come later, there's definitely some ideas I have for the future, but I'm not sure that we're at the point where we need one yet." But his freckles go all warm and red as he says that.
"...Wait, what?" Lux blinks at him, wide-eyed. "...I definitely want to know these ideas. But... Hrm." Their head tilts. "I guess a conversational safeword might not be a bad idea... Any ideas?"
"...I hadn't gotten as far as figuring what would work for a safeword. I wasn't sure you'd be up for that. Uhm."
Lux just stares at Mearc, absolutely genuinely bewildered. "How can someone be so adorable and sexy at the same time?? What the hell..." Their grin spreads--more sincere now--and they pull him up into a firm kiss, arms looping around him. "Hmm... How about... kugel? Like--if we're in public or something I can just be like damn, I really could go for some kugel and you'd know."
He allows himself to be pulled into the kiss, grinning against Lux's lips. "Beside the fact that that won't work at the Passover seder, I think it's perfect."
They tilt their head to kiss down along his neck. "Good. Kugel it is. And yeah, we should definitely make some in the morning, because I actually really do want to learn how. But tonight... I don't think we'll be getting out of bed." A beat pause. "Big spoon or little spoon?"
"Big spoon. At least for tonight." He rolls over to one side, gesturing for Lux to snuggle on up.
"Works for me. Though, just warning--I'm definitely seducing you again in a bit. So enjoy it while you can." The Bright One scoots up against him, pulling the blanket up and over to snuggle underneath.
Mearc laughs, settling in close, his upper hand lingering on Lux's hip rather than moving down across their chest.
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