Logs:See, I'm Not Dying

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Content Warning

discussion of BDSM, particularly D/s, but actually this is all pretty wholesome

Cast

Raphael Sharpe, Mearcstapa

Setting

This scene is a nearly immediate follow-up to the scene where Alex visits Mearcstapa, tries to drink his blood, and throws it up. Mearcstapa texts Raphael after she leaves and mentions this, and Raphael is adamant about coming over to check that he’s really ok. By the time Raphael shows up at Mearcstapa's place, the blood Alex threw up is cleaned carefully out of the sink and there's probably a lingering smell of bleach or Comet in the air, whatever he used to clean up.

Log

Raphael gets there in not the promised 20 minutes, but 15. And once he gets buzzed in, downright sprints to the apartment door. He's dressed normally - for him - in slacks-shirt-vest-cravat, vest in black-and-red brocade, but his hair is out of place and he's got not only his regular doctor bag, but a cloth grocery bag. And a look of something like fury, belied by the red leaves whipping through his Mantle.

Mearc, meanwhile, seems fine. He's back to t-shirt and cargo pants, and he gives Raph a small smile. "See, I'm not dying. She didn't drain me to nothing. I'm not even dizzy." His Mien's darker than usual, perhaps, less of the glowing blue blood lighting his translucent skin.

Under any other circumstances, Raph would have his arms around Mearc the second he's through the door. But medical emergency first. "You're not dying, but you're.... dark. Your Mask is probably white as a sheet."

Mearc’s freckles are a good mix, though they redden noticeably when Raph says he's likely white as a sheet. The freckles stand out more against his skin right now, expectedly. "I'll be fine. Please don't be mad at my friend; I was trying to help her. Alright?" As if that's the biggest concern he's got.

Raph drops his bags and grabs Mearc's chin, with the more casual precision of his ON mode. Tilting his head to one side and then the other to look for marks, and then switching to grab his hands and check his wrists; there are none to be seen. Raph takes his pulse - which also lets him check his skin temperature - watches the speed he breathes, pinches the skin on the back of his arm lightly as a dehydration test (using the sides of his fingers). He’s not that bad, but he’s not going to recover overnight. "Idiot. And if she'd taken too much, how would you have explained this much blood loss to a hospital with no wounds?" The tone in his voice... it's clearly fear masquerading as anger.

He lets himself be poked and prodded, freckles going redder as Raph does so, and remains quiet. (He's frustrated. Perhaps he's only really catching the anger, and not drilling down to the fear underneath. He also really doesn't feel like what he did is wrong.)

Raph frowns as he looks at Mearc, sighing, and then wraps his arms tight around him, as the leaves in his Mantle fade from red to brown and begin to slow down. "Mearcstapa. I'm not mad at your friend. I'm not really even mad at you. It's just... you frightened me. And it really is more blood loss than you think. They don't take this much if you give blood at a blood drive. I brought you some orange juice, to restore some hydration and blood sugar; will you sit down and drink it for me, please?"

Mearc takes the hug and squeezes back gently "I will, alright? I'll drink. Here, living room or bedroom?"

Raph sighs, letting out the breath he was holding, and steps back, taking one of those boxy gallon containers out of the shopping bag. "Wherever you'll be more comfortable. Where's a cup?"

"Kitchen, cabinet to the left of the sink, second shelf up. Glass or mug, either's fine." He crosses his arms over his chest (though that might be because he's chilly, because he's lost a good chunk of blood, rather than about mood).

"Sit." It's a command. And then Raph realizes how sharp he was, and says more gently, "please. Feeling cold? That's a symptom of blood loss, so you know." He goes for just long enough to grab a glass, before returning immediately to Mearc's side.

The way Mearc smiles at hearing the command might say something, as he moves to the living room and settles on the couch. "So you are capable of using dom voice, too."

"Of what??" Raph isn't thinking that way at all right now. He's just worried for his lover. Pouring a glass of juice, he hands it over, then looks around. "Is there a blanket?"

"Mm." Mearc moves to grab a folded blanket from the side of the couch. Raphael might recognize is as the blanket he had been kneeling on when Lux and Mearc had been over at his place. He takes the glass of juice, sipping at it... and then gulping, because hoooom, his body could use the sugars.

Raph's cheeks color a little, when he sees the blanket, but he's quickly distracted by the way Mearc reacts to the juice. "A little more depleted than you thought, aren't you?" He puts the blanket around Mearc's shoulders.

"Maybe a bit. Don't worry, now that I know it won't actually help her, that won't happen again." He settles into the blanket, and into Raphael as well.

Raph sighs, happily, despite himself. "Ok, what exactly happened? She bit you, obviously. But I don't know, I just... didn't get the impression that we're Not Prey to them, somehow."

"She was talking to me about the difficulties she was having with the moral dilemmas behind hunting. So I tried to offer a meal from someone aware of it, someone who can consent. Which felt fine, and then she threw it up. So she left, and now she's going to try to catch a meal elsewhere, on her own."

"Are you sure she didn't throw up for emotional reasons? and... Felt fine? I thought it was supposed to either really hurt, or feel amazing. Which was it?"

"It felt amazing. It felt... different from sex, but a similar sort of physical pleasure." He looks down at his glass as he speaks, and downs the rest of the contents.

"Mm. Someday - NOT today, you're too drained - would you let me....? I.... want to know how much alike it really is."

"Yes, someday. I'm also curious." He lets out a sort of a laugh. "...we could order in pizza or something. I haven't had dinner yet. If I'd known that I'd have been sharing blood, that would have come first."

"You had the same thought, wanting to know that too, didn't you? Before I even said a word." He chuckles softly, because what Autumn would pass up the chance to test that? "Please. I haven't eaten either, and for the first time since you left I feel like maybe I could."

He pulls out his phone, hitting the Grubhub app. "What toppings do you take on a pizza? I do about anything except pepperoni, hot peppers, chili flakes. I can't do spicy."

"Pepperoni is too spicy for you? Hmm. Sausage, maybe green peppers?"

"That works. How do you feel about onions, as well?"

"Ordinarily, I quite like them. On the other hand, I would hope to get to kiss you tonight." Only a little bit of a blush.

"...ah, that's a fair point. I intend to kiss you as well." He lets out a warm laugh, placing the order for the pizza as well as some cheezy breadsticks, before refilling his juice.

Raphael sighs again, the tension slowly easing out of his shoulders now that they're together and Mearc is actually going to be ok. "Thank you for letting me come. I... realize I got a little... harsh. I've been trying not to constantly text you to make sure you're ok, and it's not been easy. If Lux and I weren't texting when Jack is out doing his union stuff, I probably would have been pestering you ceaselessly."

"Raphael, at this point, I'm more a communication hub than involved intimately in the matter. I literally dared a bunch of the vampires to race us to see who ends Anna-Marie first. I'm not putting myself in danger on that front at all, right now." A pause. "What were you and Lux texting about?"

"What if word gets back to her that you did? And I didn't know any of that, Mearcstapa. I just knew you were out there, all alone - and I know physical contact helps you when you're shaken - and contacting people and I had no idea what was happening. It doesn't help that the mere idea of her hurting one of us... even Jack.... makes me furious in a way I'm not sure I've ever felt. I... may have fallen a little hard. I'm sorry if I'm... too much."

Mearc seems to take a moment to process all of that. And then he closes his eyes, leaning hard into Raphael. "There's a lot there to pick apart and talk about. If you want to dissect it all right now. We could, I'm alright for that, now."

"Sorry. I've been... how did you put it? Stewing. I tried to... get out of my apartment, go to the club, last night, and... ran into someone who knew me Over There. Key words being HE knew ME. And he wasn't saying how, and I had no idea who he was, and it felt like a threat. So I pushed him, and oh, god.... I hurt him, There, and his... duties kept him from being recognizable. He did that Winter thing, where they get all... weird and empty seeming? And it still... I could see it, how it shook him, to even think about enough to say. Maybe it's because I don't remember, that the world still feels pretty solid. But it was still... a lot. When I was already so tense." Raph wraps Mearc tight in his arms. "Oh. Lux and I... uh, he's been filling in some of the words you didn't. You could have told me they call the 'English Vice' S&M these days. I'm... not that fragile, really."

"It's not that I think you're fragile. I just want to make sure you don't leap into anything you don't want, just because you think I want it. I don't want sharing information to feel like me saying 'you have to be this kinky to ride'. Because I worry about that, sometimes. And sometimes I just really, really want to cuddle, instead of getting up to something sexy, and everything over the past few days has been very intense, especially for you and me." He shakes his head slightly. "But I can't live on a diet of pure adrenaline, if I'm being honest."

"Oh, Mearcstapa. No. I know I'm... uneducated and out of date, and since we seem to be doing it regardless... it helps to have the words. I don't always even know what I will and won't enjoy, at this point. Or that things exist to want. You have my word I won't do anything I honestly don't want to, ok? But if I'm not sure if I want something, and you're sure you do.... one thing I know I do want is to make my partners happy." He kisses the other man's cheek. "I had no idea how... I guess they call it 'kinky', now? I really am. But I'm starting to piece things together, with what happened, and talking to Lux. And well, ...I think I... kind of like it, when I'm pushed a little. You saw how I reacted to Lux... dominating me." His cheeks are flushed, warm against Mearc's. "And yeah, it's.... it's been a lot."

"I saw. I noticed. It was... beautiful, how you submitted to him, that night." He exhales slowly. "Can we maybe put sex and kink play off the table entirely for tonight? And maybe just be cute boyfriends having a date night together, and pretend things are okay?"

Raphael takes a breath, too, considering. "I can't promise not to get worked up if you're making out with me. I'm not as desperate as I was, before... our first time... but I don't have a ton of control over my reactions. But I can definitely agree to just talking about kink, if you're up to it, and not doing kink. And a ton of cuddling. Cuddling is wonderful."

"Cuddling is wonderful. Join me under the blanket, here?" He lifts the edge nearest Raphael in invitation.

He shifts to scoot in under the blanket, hugging Mearc tighter. "So now, um, if you don't mind... what was that about me doing the dom voice?"

"When you told me to sit down earlier. It was very commanding. I'm... not strictly dominant myself, the word is 'switch'. I can definitely play either role, and have done both with Lux. I wasn't sure if you had any interest in dominance, but you definitely have the capacity." One of his hands, still a bit cold right now, seeks out one of Raph's to hold onto.

Raph rubs Mearc's hand between his palms. "Yes, I have only ever used that voice with patients, I think." He chuckles. "This is... this is related to you saying you find me being dangerous sexy, isn't it? Especially when I go all the way... off."

"Yes, it is related. Though I recognize it's not a sexy mindset for you. You... flip very noticeably. It's worse than my freckles."

"Yeah. I... like I said, I've never quite felt this... specific kind of wrath, before. But I know I get... harder. sharper. when I'm going to do surgery, or combat, or Very Autumn Rituals. It's useful then, and I can handle it for that, but I... " He takes a breath and sighs, hands going still on Mearc's. "...I don't think I was always a person, Over There. I don't remember anything clearly, but sometimes... it feels like I become a scalpel, instead of just having scalpels, if that makes sense?"

Mearc nods quietly. "I know what you mean. I try not to talk about Over There too much, but. Raphael, who you're being now is important. It is what matters."

"No, I know that. But I also know that shifting into that mindset... feels kind of like that. Or like Jekyll and Hyde.”

"Mm. I can understand that." He brings his other hand in to be warmed up as well. "Is there anything that I can do, as a rule, to help you when you're being particularly... sharp?"

Raph clutches Mearc's hands as much as the blades allow. "I don’t quite know. Like I said, it's useful, when I need it. And... it feels a little different, when I use it to be protective of you. But when I start... going off... about harming someone, that's... probably not a good sign. I mean, no, this Anna-Marie harpy" (old fashioned insult, not court position) "actually probably deserves me... all the way sharp. But it's... I don't know, I caught myself thinking about sending a message marked From Hell to fuck with her, and playing at being Jack the Ripper is obviously too far."

"Right. The ideal is not to draw more attention to ourselves right now. Like I said, Jack and I are going to have a meeting with the local head of vampires-- this cannot be allowed to become a war between us and them. I know we're Autumn, but stewing her in fear has little actual benefit here. I'm honestly hoping the vampires handle it on their end, as a resolution. I texted every single one of them that I know, to try and ensure that happens."

"I think part of it is... I just feel like, she hurt us. The polycule. We should be the ones who get to end her. I can live with not scaring her first, but I've never wanted to hurt someone this badly. And yes, I realize it's probably.... a sign I fell head over heels, to feel this strongly about it, and I... apologize if it's too much too fast. Or too much, period."

"No. She didn't hurt the polycule, she hurt Jack. So what he wants, in the end, is what matters." He pulls out his phone, skimming through his messages. "Jack's bad at wanting-- don't know if you've seen it, talking to him. But I got one out of him today. I told him 'we like you and want you to be safe and happy, as much as either of those is possible.' He responded with 'I want that for all of you too'. Alright? He got Lux to promise to stay out of the line of fire, too."

"HHNNNGN......" A wordless sound of pained protest, because NO, but. "Lux is also directly under threat," Raph points out, releasing Mearc's hands when he goes to use the phone. "I'm not. and I think I'm the only one of us who is... a weapon. A lot of me is very... wait. No. Stop. Stop." He's saying it to himself, not Mearc. "Wanting to vivisect people is definitely not who I was, Before. She made me like this. I shouldn't give into that. Especially not after seeing... the, the trauma I left Mr. Thursday with, as Her blade. Ughhh. Take my hands again? please?"

"...I'm not sure you know Lux well enough to be sure what Over There was like for them." His voice is low and gentle, as he seizes Raphael's hands. "And you're not a weapon now. You're a caregiver, a museum guide, and you're also my boyfriend."

"That's.... true." Raph shudders a little, gratefully. "Thank you. I apologize for... losing myself in that. I have been... thinking about it, endlessly, because I want to do something so badly. It's easier when I'm with you."

"You have similar problems to me, about trying to be useful." At this point, of course, the pizza arrives, because timing is a bitch with these things. Mearc stands to go get the pizza and tip the delivery dude.

Raph takes the moment to remove his vest and cravat. Sitting straight and rigid isn't actually helping things, right now. He's making a real effort to soften, though it's clearly extremely hard for him.

Mearc brings the pizza into the living room, before ducking back to the kitchen for a roll of paper towels and a couple of plates and a second glass for sharing the rest of the juice. When he returns to find Raph less 'dressed up', he smiles. "You're beautiful. I don't think I've said that yet, today."

That instantly helps, because it's real hard for your heart to just melt, and be encased in killing frost at the same time. Raph lets out a sigh and his posture becomes less rigid, his smile soft. "I don't think you did. And it feels.... amazing, hearing you say it. Listen... as... intense and crazy as everything has been.... what you and Lux have done for me... it's setting me free. I didn't realize how many chains I was still dragging."

"I know what you mean. You, uh, should have seen me before Lux got to me. It's... been less than a month, I think, honestly, but it's felt so vivid."

"That word is perfect for them." He laughs, a little shakily. "I still can't believe it's only been... what, three days? four? Lux said it's pretty shocking, you just... going for me the moment you saw me, like you did. But ah, god. I had things locked up for even longer than I was There, and to just... throw out... all that... repression. And to take something that was purely from There, and turn it into.... argh. I'm missing the word. I don't know, the, the thing I did, in using it for Lux."

"Catharsis? Ritual? Something that wasn't violent, an attack, or even in your own control?" Trying the words out thoughtfully.

"Oh, no, all of this has been cathartic, no argument with that. But ritual is closer, to the thing that I was doing with it. The best word I was coming up with was 'worship', and that's.... a little loaded."

"It is a word in use, for some types of sexual play. Body worship, for example, is what you call it when a submissive partner shows a great deal of attention or admiration to a specific body part on the dominant." He offers Raphael a piece of pizza, and pours himself more juice.

Raphael blinks, startled. "Huh, I guess that IS what it was, then. I don't know what it is, but something about that light inside them... " He takes the piece of pizza, shaking his head, at a loss to explain. "Thank you. Huh. Somehow I wonder if I should actually call it that, to Lux's face, though."

"Probably not. They might get ideas." But this comment is paired with a crooked grin. "They live for attention, Lux. In-scene and out."

"I got that. We had a discussion about what 'extra' is. And came to the conclusion that we both rather are.”

"Accurate. And I am rather not, when I can avoid it."

"Except that for some reason, you wanted to borrow my outfit yesterday." Raph sounds really amused. "Which you looked amazing in. Lux and I agreed I can try dressing them up, too, but they get to do the same for me. And their idea is apparently more in the realm of leather pants and... well. We got onto 'what the hell is a BDSM club?' because I thought a harness is a thing that goes on a horse. It has been... educational." super deadpan on the last bit.

And Mearc just bursts into laughter, he really can't help it. It's one part pressure release and one part amusement, and from the way his freckles redden, it's giving him a whole-ass feeling.

Raphael smiles warmly at him, finally feeling like himself again, from the looks of it, and boops one of those red freckles on his nose. Very carefully.

Mearc playfully snaps his teeth at the booping scalpel, but doesn't even get close to it, deliberately. "See, this is what happens when you don't tell me things! Lux does. Oh, and he wants to put makeup on me."

"...I want pictures, if that happens when I'm not present."

"Well obviously. Of both, I assume."

"Of course. Maybe I'd even like to be there to take the pictures."

"Ooooh. Somehow I don't think Lux would object to that."

"No, you're right, they likely won't. Would you?" He tilts his head to one side.

"You know how to keep pictures secure better than I do, and I'd be sending them to you anyway."

"Sounds like a rough sketch of a plan, then." He grabs another slice of pizza, nomming greedily at it. "Now, does this really taste amazing, or is that just the blood loss talking still?"

"Mm. A little of both, probably, but you're looking a lot less dim."

"Feeling better, yeah." He chuckles. "Lessons learned."

Raph looks, intentionally, smug for a second. Because Autumn. Then..."Wait. Waaaaait." Raph still blushes pretty hard, saying this, but he's a LOT more able to cope and even tease back, already. "Were you suggesting you just do the pictures once we're dressed up that we would otherwise do of each other? or were you thinking of pictures of Lux and I together that are... more than just fashion photographs?"

"...I was just thinking of pictures of you two playing with makeup, together, but. Um. Hmmm."

"That would be very cute, honestly." Raph facepalms. "Me and my big mouth."

He grins at Raph. "Giving people ideas just like that, it's dangerous..."

"Yes, Lux and I have been getting on like a house on fire. Over text, as yet."

"Which reminds me, once things are settled, I need hangout time with Jack. There's not quite the same chemistry there, but I like him, as a person." He reaches for a third slice of pizza, hungry like the proverbial wolf. "And I do want group hangouts to be a thing."

"Yeah. I should meet with him again, and I really don't think it's a good idea for it to be just us two yet."

"...Movie night? Might be possible to find something we can all watch together." He looks thoughtful.

"Hmm. I don't really know many movies, so I'll leave that to you." Raph yawns. "Oof. I barely slept last night. Want to just cuddle up and sleep?"

"That...sounds like the perfect plan." Mearc tucks the blanket around both of them, kissing Raph on the forehead.

~End Scene~