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Finley is sitting in a plush chair, curled up and just sort of... staring off into space. Zhe's not blushed, and their long coat is draped over the back of the chair, showing zher t-shirt and baggy pants zhe's wearing. The t-shirt is loose, but not loose enough to hide the change of shape underneath. Usually Fin is flat as a board, but tonight is sporting a more curvy figure. Not that the clothes really show that off any.
Occasionally zhe glances down at their phone, but mostly they just look... Out of it.
The Bellevue Elysium is, at least in Cian's opinion, one of the best places to work when he needs to get out of his apartment. So he's packed his laptop and a selection of books and wanders into the place.
He's forgone Blushing tonight, too, his pale skin a slightly cooler-toned version of the ivory linen of his full sleeved shirt, and he starts to make his way over to Finley when he sees zhem. Nothing wrong with a little socialization before he has to switch to research.
Though he stops as he gets closer, his expression turning from confusion to mild concern as he sees just how out of it they look.
"...Finley?" His voice is quiet, and he steps to the side to pull over a chair to sit in.
Fin glances up, blinking out of whatever thoughts they'd been buried in. Then zhe smiles--soft and distracted, but genuine. "Hey, Cian. How are you?"
"Hello." His smile is warm, and he settles into his chair, placing his bag carefully on the ground next to him. "I'm...quite well, actually. You look...distracted, is everything alright?"
"Just... thinking. Worried." Zhe rubs zher arm a moment, but hones in on Cian, looking at him curiously. "Quite well? Things are going good?"
"Worried about what?" Cian actually frowns, and reaches out to brush his hand against Finley's sleeve. Not touching zhem, just the fabric. The kind of thing zhe might recognize as something that Phaedra does. "Did something happen?"
"A... friend of mine was shot. They're in the hospital." Zhe looks down at zher lap. "They're gonna be okay. But there's trouble with ghosts, so they're not... safe, yet. I'm just worried. And its... partly my fault..."
"Oh. Oh Finley, I'm so sorry, I...am glad they'll be okay." There's a beat, and he looks Finley over with concern. "I - I have to say I'm relatively useless when it comes to giving advice, it's so very far from anything I've ever experienced."
At least he's not lying?
"It's okay," Finley assures with a soft smile returning. "I'm just trying not to think about it too much, honestly. There's nothing I can really do right now... I didn't really want to be alone, but needed a break from the hospital, so..." Zhe shrugs, gesturing around.
"Tell me what has been going on with you? Any good news?"
Zher phone chimes, and they pull it from their pocket to look at, poking at the screen briefly.
"Phaedra is gonna come here in a minute," zhe adds.
Cian dips his head slightly and fiddles with the cuffs of his shirt. "I've entered into a somewhat strange...companionship? With someone. He's more than a little off-putting occasionally, but there's something to be said for not having to hide one's feeding habits...and Phaedra and I have had some lovely conversations, of late." He gives Finley another look, that sort of subtle acknowledgement that things are different the way that really only other trans folx have mastered. The 'I'm following your lead with the way you look' look.
"Oh. They're human? Or something else?" Finley asks, curiosity perking up. "Oh... You and... Phaedra?" Another longer curious look, questioning whether zhe should be jumping to conclusions or not.
Then a pause, and zhe glances down at zhemself before crossing zher arms self consciously. "Just... trying a different look. But I don't think I'll keep it."
And enter the Lamb, dressed in one of her embroidered floaty dresses, hair loose and brushed out until it almost looks like a cloud, wearing a small purse cross-body with a certain stuffed sheep peeking out of the unzipped main pocket. She sees the pair together and tilts her head to one side slightly, before walking closer.
Cian nods. "He's human, yes, though he's no stranger to the supernatural. It's a...mutually beneficial arrangement." His smile is slightly embarrassed.
"You...trying a different look? How do you mean?" He arches an eyebrow, obviously intensely curious. Phaedra gets a glance, when she wanders in, and a warm smile from Cian. He gestures her over. "We were just talking about you, funnily enough."
"Mutually beneficial..." Zher lips twitch a bit. "I think I understand. I'm glad you've found someone to... um... keep you company...?"
Zhe looks up as Phaedra approaches, brightening further. "Hi," zhe murmurs. "You look pretty..."
Fin looks back at Cian and nods faintly. "Mm. Um. I can change my body. It's a... thing... my bloodline can do. I don't do it very often, but lately I've been..." Zhe hesitates, struggling for words. "Reassessing who I am."
She pulls the sheep from her purse, offering it to Finley. "You need woolly cuddles right now more than I do, I think."
Then she favors Cian with a warm smile. "Talking about me? Am I in trouble?" All tease, of course.
"...I was unaware of a bloodline like that." Cian leans forward slightly, his curiosity only increasing. "Is it only your body you can change? How different can you make it?" There's a beat, and he sits back and holds up an apologetic hand. "I don't mean to interrogate you."
"Pull up a chair, Phaedra. You're no more than we all are, I don't think. Which is to say, nothing beyond the usual. I was mentioning to Finley that we've had some...enlightening conversations, recently."
Finley accepts the sheep with a grateful smile, hugging it to zher chest. "Kinda curious what those conversations are like. You're making them sound awful mysterious..."
Zhe glances back at Cian, smiling hesitantly. "It's, um... it's okay. It's why sometimes I look different than others." Because zhe is currently Prettyed and that definitely is not something Cian has seen often in the past. "We can't completely change our appearances, but we can... um... make ourselves more beautiful. Or, uh." Zhe pauses, looking awkward. "Change our body's biological sex. But there are rituals we can do on others, too."
"Usually? Me being a nosy asshole in Cian's direction, until he tells me I've pushed too far and I apologize and pull back a little. Or until I say something he didn't know he needed to hear and it throws him off. It's great fun." She grins, before looking more closely at Finley. "You know who might be good to talk to, about, like. Body-changing shit? Guy. He's big Protean energy, but kinda philosophical about it, more than I expected."
"...Ah. Hm." Cian sits back in his chair, looking thoughtful until Phaedra's explanation make him grin, too. "There are certainly less enjoyable ways to spend a night." It's a little bit of an understatement, by the way he says it.
"Is he? Guy?" He looks thoughtful again.
"Yeah?" Zher head tilts a bit towards Phaedra. "He offered to teach me, once. But..." Well, that'd involve having to drink his blood, which Finley clearly feels a flash of uncertainty about.
"I'm not saying you oughta learn Protean from him, Fin. Just...he's someone who's probably going to be the most understanding about such a thing, for a cis guy. And he's definitely not going to get weird and tetchy about it, in case you were worried about that. Need to bug hum about the pack initiation stuff, speaking of Guy. Though he might need to touch base with Rena again, because her and me aren't as awkward after last night, maybe."
"It can be...freeing, shifting with Protean," Cian admits quietly. "It's difficult to experience dysphoria with a body like this when you aren't in that body."
Is he speaking from experience, or just hypothetically?
"Oh." Finley nods, relieved. "Yeah, um... Maybe I'll talk to him about it, sometime. Though it's less about wanting to change my body and more how changing my body can change my mind." A beat pause. "We do need to all get together, sometime. Do the initiation. Oh--you're not? Did you two... talk?" Finley looks at her curiously, before turning their attention towards Cian.
Zhe blinks, staring, gently questioning. "Do you... experience dysphoria...?"
"After you left, we had a bit of a talk. Calamity helped, but then they fell asleep and now...I think we're going to be okay." Her smile is soft and slight. And then she glances at Cian, interested in hearing the answer to that question as well.
There's a long moment, where Cian considers his answer.
"I do," is what he finally says. "More than a little."
Finley smiles briefly at Phaedra, clearly happy to hear that--but their attention remains mostly focused on Cian, the topic obviously very important to zhem.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Phaedra glances between the two of them, and gently touches Cian's sleeve. "I'd understand if you two want me to leave for this, because, like. I'm pretty sure I'm pretty cis, I think."
"I don't mind if you stay, there...isn't much to talk about, I don't think. I'm lucky I was Embraced when I was, rather than a few years previous, I think my dysphoria would be significantly worse. As it is..." Cian shrugs as he trails off. "It's difficult. It always has been."
Finley hesitates, shifting in zher seat. Zhe glances to Cian, then down at zher lap, where zher hands fidget together nervously. "I... I can do the ritual to other people. Change their bodies. If... if that's ever something you wanted. It's temporary, unless I choose to make it permanent, so--so you could like... try it. For a month or two. Then see if you wanted it to be permanent."
"What...um. What does dysphoria feel like?" She seems aware this is a big nosy question, and it's quiet and a little uncertain.
"...Oh. I...oh." Cian sounds almost afraid. Like it's not something he'd ever considered possible, even. "I...will think about it, if you'd be comfortable with it. Thank you." He gives Finley a tentative smile, and purses his lips slightly at Phaedra's question.
"It...is difficult to describe, and I know everyone who experiences it feels a little differently. But for me...it's a feeling of...wrongness. My body is...wrong. I don't know that I can get more specific than that."
"For me... dysphoria feels like... like I'm in a body that isn't mine. Like I'm just... riding along. It doesn't exactly feel wrong, just... no matter how I change it... I never really feel... connected to it. It's just... there." Finley shrugs helplessly.
Zhe looks to Cian and nods. "It's a big step. And there... are some risks, involved. You would have to be submerged in a bath made of a fair amount of my blood. We can take precautions to make sure you don't accidentally drink any of it, but I realize that may be an unpleasant experience. But the process doesn't hurt at all, and doesn't take very long. And--um. It's pretty... customizable. We can figure out how you'd prefer to look and do that. But--yeah--um. Just think about it, and let me know. I don't mind, at all, if it's something that would help you."
"Both of those sound pretty awful. I'm glad...I'm glad there's ways to help with it. To make things better, temporary or otherwise. I wish...I wish I had some way to help, too, some Cruac or something that could make it better somehow."
"Transitioning helped immensely, but it only did so much before I was Embraced. As I said, a few years previous to that I would be...mmm." Cian grimaces. "There is quite a lot of discomfort I'm willing to sit through, if it helps in easing dysphoria."
Finley reaches over to take Phaedra's hand to hold, fingers lacing through her's. Zhe smiles at Cian. "Well, just... let me know. All I really need to prepare is to feed beforehand so I'm not too hungry after. But--take your time. Maybe put some serious thought into what you'd like the final result to be like."
Phaedra squeezes Fin's hand gently, relaxing a little. "If it didn't come with such risks and costs, I might try to be a guy for a little bit, just to see what it's like."
"There's something to be said about physical makeup not having much to do with ones innate sense of gender, but I understand what you mean." Cian eyes their hand holding with a smile.
"You'd... still be a girl, if you feel you are a girl, even if your biology was different," Fin says to Phaedra. "But... if you wanted to experience it sometime, you could."
"Right. Sorry, bad word choice." She nods.
"As Fin said, though, it seems there's a way to experience it without it being permanent." Cian gestures to Finley. "Trying on different anatomy is...well, not something most anyone can do, given that in most cases it's fairly permanent, and takes significant time and energy."
Finley nods. "Mm, yeah. It only lasts for a couple of weeks before your body reverts. Unless I make it permanent, which is possible but... harder."
"Big important things like this almost always come with some sort of a cost." She nods. "The universe doesn't believe in a free lunch."
Cian chuckles. "It doesn't seem to, no. Even our ability to change these things as we are now, with specialties in ones bloodline...Christ, the cost was high for some of us. Still is."
Finley frowns, looking down at zher lap.
Phaedra seems to be at a complete loss for words at this point, watching Cian and gently squeezing Fin's hand.
"I'd say that offering gender affirming rituals is using your powers for good, though." Cian brushes his hand against Finley's arm with a soft smile.
"I've... thought about... offering it more. To people in need. I can make people younger too, for a while. It could let people live happier, healthier lives. But... Obviously, um... that's risky, letting people know there's unusual things out in the world, even if they didn't know I was Kindred."
"Is this an attempt to...try to make up for things you're feeling guilty about?" She gives Fin a small Look.
Finley pauses, considering that for a moment. "Maybe. But not to make up for recent things."
"At the very least, it's a tangible way in which you're different than your sire, yes?" Cian cocks his head.
"It's still good to be aware and thoughtful about your deep-down motives for a thing, Fin. Trying to do math of if you've helped enough, done enough, that will drive you crazy if you let it. Be careful with thinking like that."
Then she grins at Cian. "See, you're not the only person I do things like that to."
Finley shakes zher head. "Guilt may be a part of it, but it's not the main motivation. I'm not... doing math."
Zhe nods to Cian. "Yeah."
Cian lets out a surprised chuckle at Phaedra. "That's something of a relief, I suppose. And Finley, if you ever need reminders that you're so very very different, I suspect that Phaedra will be as willing to give them to you as I am."
"Loudly and proudly." She grins. "Because you are different and you're choosing who you want to make yourself be."
"I know we're different," Finley says softly. "It's just... It's mostly just trying to find some... goodness, buried within all the bad things. If what I can do--what was done to me--can be used to help people, that makes me feel less..." Finley trails off, either not able to find the right word, or just not wanting to speak it allowed. Zher shoulders lift. "It's just about trying to shift perspectives."
"That makes sense." Cian nods. "I can't imagine we're the only Kindred who experience dysphoria. And there are at least a few mortals about who are aware of us, and of the supernatural in general...perhaps those are the circles you stay in, rather than offering your services to just anyone."
"That makes a lot of sense." She nods quietly.
"Maybe. It's a weird topic to just... bring up. But." Zhe shrugs. "We'll see."
"You could add it to the cacophony - I'd be happy to help, if you need it. Word will get around to all of us that way, at least." Cian flashes Phaedra a smile as he talks before he returns his attention to Finley
"I dunno, last I checked, only weirdoes go looking into the cacophony." She echoes Cian's smile, perhaps some shared joke there.
"If you think it's worthwhile, I could give it a shot," Finley says.
"The worst that happens is that no one takes you up on it, correct? And you already have two people who seem to be fairly interested. I suspect you'll get at least a few people who'd benefit from your rituals."
"In the meantime, I think I'm going to go feed. Will you two please have a good night? If I find out you didn't, I might pout."
Fin nods, then smiles at Phaedra, squeezing her hand before letting her go. "I hope feeding goes well. I'll text you later?"
"Good luck. Let me know when you'd like your books back, they're all dry. I've been pressing them flat so they don't warp too much." Cian reaches out to brush against Phaedra's sleeve.
"Excellent. I'll come over sometime later this week." She presses her arm into Cian's touch lightly, then stands and exits.
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