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The night at Penny Dreadful had been lucrative, but busy and draining and doing a lot of readings in a row had left Phaedra with her mind pretty entirely outside her head. She didn't want to go straight home, so instead she texted Cian.
We will not examine that choice too closely.
hey what are you up to tonight?
Very little. Trying to track down a rare book dealer who has an eye for primary documents like journals and other writings of the kind. I have been unsuccessful so far, and have given up for the evening.
-C
Why?
-C
remind me to introduce you to nevermore, their work tends to get thngs like that in, their boss might be someone with an eye for that maybe.
remind me that another night. my head's full of clouds.
Clouds? Why tonight?
-C
work was busy. i think i did about maybe 10 readings tonight and the cards were sharp and the people i was reading a lot of them were bullshitting themselves and.
That sounds exhausting. I can offer some tea if you'd like, but I can't promise no bullshit.
-C
can i come over?
Of course.
And so Cian ends up with Phaedra, in her full work costume, on his doorstep, little velvet bag of cards in hand, veil pinned to her hair. Looking every bit the porcelain doll.
Cian hasn't bothered to Blush himself, and is just as pale as the white shirt he's wearing when he lets her in. His pants are tighter, with a fall front, and he looks very out of time, perhaps more than usual.
There are fewer books on the floor, tonight, and the bookcases are a little fuller. Like he's been tidying up, or perhaps switching projects. But there's still not quite enough shelf space for everything.
A yellow enamel teakettle sits on the stove, the cheery color a little out of place among the dark wood of the shelves and floor.
"Come in, sit down." He gestures to the couch. "I've already put the water on."
She doesn't go to the couch straight away, instead drawn like a bee to a patch of color, moving into the kitchen to consider the teakettle. "So you have. Did you order it online or pick it up from a thrift shop or...?"
"Online. There are shops open late enough to peruse - Atalo's, for instance - but I managed to let my impatience get the best of me. I considered blue, but I didn't like the shade..." Cian follows her over to the kitchen, careful not to block her in.
"It's sort of a focal point of the room like this. Like...you've got this sophisticated scholar thing going on and then there's just this punch of a little bit of color. I like it." She glances over her shoulder at him with a bit of a smirk. "It's a bit dissonant, but in a good way. Does it make you happy to have?"
"It does. Very much." Cian smiles back. "I've made myself a few cups of tea, since. Though it's been so hot none of them have been all that enjoyable. But I expect I'll get a lot of use out of it once the season turns."
The kettle starts to whistle, and Cian pulls those same two mugs out of the cabinet. The tea, however, is on the shelf above, rather than the drawer where it was last time. And there's a variety - mostly floral and citrus.
"Rose, or does something else strike your fancy?"
She picks out a blood orange tea for herself, then looks at him. "What are you in the mood for tonight?"
He's being careful not to block her in, but she's...not really keeping much distance for him, using the space of his kitchen casually, like she's comfortable here.
"The lavender, there -" Cian reaches carefully around her to pluck a small tin from the shelf. "It's smoky and floral, and I decided to treat myself. And given that I'm not drinking it, there's no need for a tea ball." The scent drifts through the air as soon as he opens the container, and he shakes a little into his mug. The one with the chip out of the rim.
"Oooh, that's a good point, don't have to worry about drinking the flowers." Phaedra prepares her own cup, at the kettle begins to whistle, the sound as grounding to her as the company and the ritual of teamaking--very few things cut through brain fog like a sharp loud sound. "Lavender's really popular with witches, they ascribe almost as many properties to it as rose quartz."
Cian lets out a contented, and entirely unnecessary breath as the two of them make their tea, and he steps toward the couch. "Do they? I just enjoy the smell, especially with the smokiness of this tea. What meaning do you ascribe to it?"
"I'm not someone who uses herbs often in my magic, so it's been more of an intellectual exercise. Knowing how everyone else sees it. But now I know it's what you get when you're looking to treat yourself. That has a lot of power, too." She flashes him a wry little look as she follows over to the couch.
"With the things you know about me, you hold an immense amount of power." Cian smirks back at her, but there's a look in his eye that's a little more sober. Acknowledging the truth of the statement even as he jokes about it.
"If you had asked me a bit ago the sorts of things I do to treat myself, buying expensive loose leaf tea would not have been on my list. At least, not for the past fifteen years."
"What would the list have looked like, a bit ago?" She holds her cup in both hands, looking into the surface of it like she's searching for something she dropped into the cup, or trying to scry.
"It would have looked like renting a boat to take down the river. Buying myself a book I've been eyeing. Seeking out something that isn't a feral cat for my breakfast..." He laughs quietly here. "Which isn't to say that these things aren't still on the list. I've merely been adding to it."
"...are you mostly feeding on cats, Cian?" There's a definitely look of concern on her face.
"Not entirely, no..." But 'entirely' and 'mostly' are two different words, and Cian holds his mug up to his face, inhaling the scent. "Animals, primarily, though I have something of an arrangement with...someone."
Well that sure is cryptic!
But he continues after a moment. "Failing that, there is a block of very fancy restaurants and bars a short walk from here. My clothing tends to spark up the most interesting conversations."
She licks her lips, as if trying to decide where to start picking at that. And then she sort of...shakes her head, glancing off to one side. "I know a bit about arrangements. There's a local Wiccan coven who, uh. You know, sometimes wake up particularly woozy from some of their rites. Though I tend to hunt more often than I go visiting them."
"I - mm. In his words, he's an asset I acquired from Jasper. He's well aware of what I am, which works out quite well for me. But he's still human, and I can't...overindulge, as it were." Cian is looking very interested in his tea. It's probably to his benefit that he's not Blushed. "Hunting still manages to turn my stomach, I have yet to find a satisfactory way not to feel as if I am taking extreme advantage. Hence the animals - I know I won't be able to subsist on them forever."
"I'd offer to let you come hunting with me, if that would help at all. The people I end up finding usually really deserve it." She lets out a soft laugh, not looking at him either.
"Mmm..." Cian glances at her. "I wouldn't want to impose, it sounds as if you have figured out a system that works for you."
"...yeah. Just show up at a bar looking like the most sweet and innocent lost little lamb in the world." She smiles, and it's this horribly empty thing, no joy in it at all. "Pink lip gloss, pastel colors in my clothing, makeup done to make my eyes look bigger."
Cian's returning smile is more of a grimace. "I'm sure finding someone to feed on is fairly easy, like that." There's no judgment in his voice, at least, he's just stating a fact. "And I'm sure they deserve the blood loss."
"It's very, very easy. Almost never fails." She shrugs, and leans in to smell her tea, closing her eyes.
"I feel like...it says a lot, that you'd be willing to let me join you." Cian shifts so he's facing Phaedra a little more.
"What d'you mean by that?" She glances at him quietly, head tilting to one side.
"It's a part you play that's so very different from who you are, there must be people you aren't willing to show that act to."
She's quiet for a moment.
More than a moment.
Cian waits, watching her quietly. Inhaling the fragrant steam from his tea as it slowly cools in his hands.
"Penny for your thoughts?" He finally says to break the silence.
"That person's not someone I haven't been, if I'm honest with myself. I was the perfect victim. It's not a hard act, really."
"That doesn't mean it's...good for you." Cian frowns slightly. "I wouldn't think you'd want anyone to see you play the victim ever again, even if it gets you an easy meal."
"It's not about who sees me, Cian. Not really." She shakes her head. "Every time I hunt like that, I win. So."
"...'Win' is an interesting choice of words. You're inviting me to hunt with you, clearly I'll see you like that - and besides that, I would think it would feel awful, to have to slip into that act. A reminder of your time before you were Embraced." A beat. "Or am I entirely off the mark, here?"
She ducks her head, folding into herself slightly. "No, you're not. But it's easy and it's familiar, and I know it works. I know it'll always work."
"I'd be willing to help you find other ways. I don't know that I'd be any good at it, but...it must take its toll, yes? Mentally?" Cian reaches out to brush against Phaedra's sleeve.
"I figure feeding probably takes its toll on absolutely everyone. Especially people who're trying to cling to the best parts of their human nature."
"Yes. But there's no harm in trying to find a way not to have to deal with the sexual advantages of sleazy men, yes?" Cian arches an eyebrow. "I'd find myself hard-pressed not to interrupt them, for your sake. It's...mmh. You were concerned about me living on cats. I'm concerned about you feeling like you need to play the victim to would-be rapists."
"It's not that I need to. It's just simplest and easiest."
She sets her cup down on the floor and takes a moment to unlace and remove her boots, before pulling her feet up onto the couch so she can curl into a little Phaedra ball.
"That doesn't make me worry any less." Cian slides a little closer to her as she curls up.
She glances at him, and then just. Flops. In his direction.
The sudden movement makes him start in surprise, but he doesn't pull away. A moment later he very gently places a hand on her arm.
"How do you feel, playing the victim?" He keeps his voice quiet, and brushes his thumb up toward her shoulder.
"It's only the victim, when I'm hunting, until it's not. It's not really being a victim at all, because in the end I'm always the one who is powerful and strong and they end up the victim, because one of us has to be, always. It's all about power and strength, and maybe that's all that anything is about, really, in this world. Who's got the bigger dick, the bigger beast, something. Because I can't survive only feeding on my herd, you know. And even with them, it secretly is a power thing, isn't it?"
"You sound like some of the neonates I used to know. The ones who are probably clawing their way to the top in Boston. Jaded, and seeing everything as a power play." Cian falls silent, still rubbing Phaedra's arm.
"Is this about power, too? The nights we share drinking tea and talking until near dawn?"
"Sometimes it is. But not in the same way. You hand me power, Cian. In tiny pieces. And wait to see what I do with it. Isn't that so?" An upward glance. She doesn't flinch away from his touch.
"I do, yes." Cian gives her a small smile. "Who do you trust enough to give power to, instead of flipping the tables on those who would seek to take it?"
"Guy, I suppose. I don't think I'd be able to join his pack without that sort of trust, given what it entails." A pause. "And you. Aren't I?"
Cian's hand pauses on her shoulder. "Yes. I'll admit it's a prized possession, at this point. I think it's the willingness to surrender power, that makes it different. That's one meaning of trust, I suppose."
"Surrender. That's an interesting word. Fitting, as I think about it. I don't think I'd have reached it myself."
"Talking about exchanges of power, it seemed to be the best fit." Cian's hand starts to rub her arm again. Slowly, tentatively.
"Thank you for trusting me, the way you have. I am well aware what it means, to be able to do this with you."
"I'm glad you're aware, because I have very little clue what I'm doing here. Except that right here and right now, I feel safe. And I think...I think that matters." Her voice is soft, and she relaxes at the touch instead of tending up.
"It absolutely does. I want you to feel safe here. With me. It...I don't really know what else to say. Except that I'm glad."
Cian brushes a tendril of hair away from Phaedra's face before returning his hand to her arm.
She smiles at the gentleness of that touch. "Is...it okay if I sleep over again?"
"Of course. I'm glad you find my bed comfortable. Do you care about sleeping in your work clothes?"
"I mean, they're not exactly the comfiest things in the world. And I really need to wash the makeup off my face too. Do you have something plainer for me to borrow? I'd say a t-shirt, but I can't imagine you having those in your wardrobe." There's a bit of a laugh.
"No, but I have a small collection of these." Cian tugs at the sleeve of his shirt and goes to stand, reaching for Phaedra's mug. "They're very comfortable for sleeping in, especially the older ones that have broken in more."
"That sounds perfect, yeah." She nods, uncurling and standing. Really, it's more of an awkward roll off the couch into standing. As you do. "Thanks."
"You're more than welcome. Let me get you a washcloth and a towel, too. Do you work tomorrow?" Cian drops the mugs off in the kitchen before heading to the bathroom and bedroom to collect a shirt and towels.
"Mm, no. Not until Wednesday night, actually." She shakes her head, starting to--not fully undress, but like, unpin her veil and such.
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