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This time, it's not an occasion for boozy floats. Naw, Jane is instead making hot cocoa (which she won't be mad if Jack spikes, TBH?), with extra marshmallows while she waits. She's in leggings and a tanktop, her hair not done did at all.
Jack's in his business blacks, as usual - neon green tie today, a little bit more of an accent than he usually goes for - and he looks equally as stressed and bleary as he has every time she's seen him in the last few weeks. He drops his messenger bag just inside her door with a sigh of relief. "Honestly I think my toolbag's lighter'n this, at this point."
She pauses with him at the door for a hug. No real warning, but an actual hug. "Hey, Jacky-boy."
"H-hey," he lets out a surprised laugh, and returns the hug, squeezing her tight for half a second before letting her go. "'S unexpected, you okay?"
"I mean, what standard are we using for 'okay' this week?" She laughs, stepping away to go get the cocoa from the kitchen. "I'm a fuck, Jack, but that's nothing really new."
"Nah, I just figured something had to really be up, if we're hugging now. Again." The attempt at a joke falls a little flat, probably. "What's your standard for 'okay,' this week? Mine's 'two weeks is enough to avoid a strike, right?'"
"Mine's somewhere near 'totally slept with a girl, but only so I could wake her up and comfort her when the nightmares got bad.' Also 'what even is a gender anyway', but pleasure before business. Cocoa?"
"That's...that's a fucking week, right there," he nods, and accepts the cocoa. "You got any of my rum left?"
"Yeah, you know I wouldn't just drink it without you. I think the bottle's still over by the couch." She brings both mugs over to said couch, setting them on the coffee table and then doing a flop.
Jack finds the bottle and settles down, directly on her legs if they're in the way. And making eye contact the whole time, you know, like an obnoxious sibling does.
She wriggles her feet, squirming them out from under his ass. "Jaaack."
"Janeyyyy," he matches her intonation with a grin. "You wanna talk gender first, or...?" He's clearly giving her an out, if she's got other things on her mind.
"I don't even know how to talk gender. I mean, like. I don't know how you know you're a guy, obviously. It's definitely not something I'm feeling." She sighs. "I wish I could get into your head again and just share the feeling, so I could compare, but."
He winces, just a little, when she mentions getting into his head. "Be helpful, wouldn't it. A eh...can I ask you a question?"
"Of course, go ahead." She reaches out for her cocoa.
"If you woke up tomorrow and you had a cis dude's body, what would you think?"
"What, like if I had a dick?" She thinks for all of three seconds. "Shit, no periods ever again? That sounds pretty sweet to me. No tits to worry about. A lot less sexual harassment. Like. I don't see any potential downside to that."
He snorts. "Alright, and how about if everyone in the world that you met thought you were a dude?"
"Would they respect me like a dude?" She rolls her eyes. "I...I mean, I don't think it'd be a huge deal?"
"Yeah uh Janey...cis women don't want any of that shit. I mean besides being respected like a dude, but like...the shit you're saying isn't what cis women tend to say, or want."
"Great, just another way in which I'm sort of outside societal norms. Just what I need. Like...seriously, though. I...don't understand why anyone would actively want to be a woman in this world we live in."
"That I cannot answer 'cause I've never wanted to be a woman. But...not wanting to be a woman's kinda a symptom of not being a woman, you know?"
"Right. But...it's not like I want to be a fucking dude either. Like, I can't possibly imagine doing all the stuff you've gone through to become the Jack you are." She scrubs her hand down her face. "No offense, you make a dashing fucking prince of a man or whatever."
"That's supposed to offend me?" He laughs. "Jesus what're your actual insults like? But...seriously. You don't...it's not one way or the other. If you don't wanna be a woman you don't have to, and you don't have to be a man either. I uh...I brought a book? It explains it better than I ever fuckin' will." He gestures to his bag.
"You brought me a book?" She laughs, but a sort of stilted laugh at the absurdity rather than actual humor.
"Yeah, I know." He makes a face at her and climbs off the couch to go get it. "Here." A Quick and Easy Guide to Queer and Trans Identities
She stares at the front cover quietly for a very long moment, and then she accepts the book. "Thanks. I'll read it once we get tired of one another and end up in a fight."
He winces. "We've kinda got a pretty shitty record for that, don't we?"
"Just a little bit, yeah." She nods, shifting to an upright-sitty position.
"I...mph." He takes a sip of his spiked cocoa. "'S like...if things can never be the way they were, sometimes it hurts to even try?" He almost sounds afraid to say it out loud.
"It'll never be what it was, and we've grown so far apart since the initial break...I don't know you like I used to and that's almost as bad as not knowing you at all."
"Yeah." He rubs his face with his free hand. "Yeah, that. And at least if...at least if it was all bad we could just...call the whole fuckin' thing off."
She flinches. "No, I couldn't. Never, not really. You're my brother, damnit."
"No that's - that's what I mean. It's not all bad and we...we can't. And I don't wanna, much as I've fucking acted like it."
"I don't understand what's been going on in your head." Her voice is tiny-soft.
"...I've been trying to pretend it's easier, to not have any of it." He's not looking at her. "It's...never worked, for what it's worth. I fucking miss you too much."
She reaches over and lightly conks his forehead with the heel of her hand. "Stop pretending and be here now. I'm not saying the past is something we can erase, but it's cruel to weigh it over our future."
"Doesn't make me miss having you in my head any less..." He nudges her back. "Though honestly there's times you wouldn't wanna be here. And I'm not being depressing or any shit, just...I'm very much not ace."
"That's not news. Hasn't been since like...freshman year. Marco Vasquez, remember him?"
"Okay, look. Look. I sometimes actually act on it now." He grins. "But hey, Marco might even give me the time of day now."
"You oughta look him up, see if he's still in town." She laughs, jabbing a finger at his side.
"See how long it takes before he recognized me? My hair was still short then, he fucking might." He grabs at her finger.
She laughs brightly. "One of the few things you were braver about than me back then, your hair. Aunt Marshia--whenever she tries to talk to me--she still tell me I should grow it back out."
"I think that's been part of her tirades to me, last few times she's caught me. In with all the other shit, I dunno what it is about her and hair..."
"Something of a skewed level of importance place on womanhood. She was part of the late end of second wave feminism, you know?"
Jack grimaces. "Sounds about right. Ugh. Not gonna lie, we both looked stupid as fuck with long hair."
"I mean, sure, maybe that's why you cut it. I just find this easier and have nothing to prove. Even if it does get me mistaken for a lesbian half the time." She smirks.
He huffs out a laugh. "That's fair. Man now I kinda do wanna go see if I can find out where Marco ended. He was actually a decent fuckin' human being."
"I'll put ten bucks on him making it out of Philly, going west to like. San Francisco or some shit."
"I'm betting...New Hampshire. Vermont, maybe, one'a those hippy dippy places."
"And if he's still in town...well, you might still win in that case."
"Hah. Maybe he's married, then I'd lose."
"Uh, not necessarily, with good communication." Jane gives him a crooked smile.
"...Fair. 'S a lotta stuff that has to work out right, there." He shakes his head. "Actually...We Have The Technology, don't we?" He pulls out his phone.
"You can do the googles with your magic box." She nods. "See if he's on facebook."
"Eeeexactly." He's tapping away. "There's...a fuckin' lot of...wait Montana? This is him, right? I'm not crazy?"
Jane leans in to look at the phone. "Botanist? That's totally him--he had awesome eyelashes, I remember that much. Wow."
"He got over his red hair phase, I guess. Damn, and he's still single..." Jack shakes his head and puts his phone down. "I uh...I've been kinda seeing someone anyway? Not exclusively, just..." He laughs, a little self conscious. "More than once. You know."
"Ooh? Tell me more, tell me more." Deliberately invoking Grease; they both have the hair for it.
Jack groans and shakes his head. "You're the worst. They're...they're fun, kinda goofy. Amazing dancer, confident as hell. Damn attractive, too."
"Huh. So...they're another person who doesn't...guy or girl?" Theres a 'just checking' hand gesture here.
"Yeah. The umbrella term is nonbinary, if that's a label you want for yourself. They and I haven't really talked gender much."
"Nonbinary." She exhales slowly. "I might be nonbinary, Jack."
"...How d'you feel, saying that?"
"I don't know. But I definitely felt a thing when you called me your sibling in that text. That was...like a big burst of relief."
He nods, and smiles. "D'you wanna think about pronouns yet, or is that a step too far, still?"
"Pronouns feel like...they might be a lot of uphill battle, but without much of a payoff. It's not a big deal to be, for someone to call me a 'she'. That's what they all see, and like. That's not really a problem." She frowns. "I mean, if I know someone won't be an ass about it, might be cool, maybe? But. I'm definitely not going to try and get, like, my boss or the rest of my people to change over. They probably wouldn't get it and I don't have it to explain."
Another nod. "But if I were to talk to...their name is Lux, if I were to tell them 'hey, I saw my sibling last night and told them about you,' is that...something that's okay?"
She smiles almost instantly--though whether it's about Jack having someone who he might tell about her, or whether it's the gender euphoria is hard to tell. "...yeah. That would be totally cool, actually."
"I...can even see if they're okay with me giving you their contact info, if you wanna talk to them about this stuff?" He's treading carefully, though Jane can probably see the excitement behind his eyes.
"You know I'd be tempted to talk about you behind your back, if that happened, right?"
"About what?" There's some brotherly indignation right there.
"About you. You know, threaten to beat--them--up if they break your heart." She laughs warmly. "That's my job."
That surprises a laugh out of him. "When's the last time you had to do that? Robbie Shrader in seventh grade?"
There's a pause. "Oh, you never found out about Casey Merrow in junior year?"
"...Casey?" He looks a little concerned. "Is that why he stopped sitting next to me in Bio?"
"He was playing you against another girl, I can't remember her name, and I told him to fucking pick one and be honest or I'd kick his ass so hard he'd taste my toenails."
"God I never even noticed, I just thought he wanted to copy my tests...which, jokes on him if he wanted that, too." Jack snorts. "What would I've done without you, ssssib? Sib o' mine?" He watches her reaction.
She relaxes in beside him. "You'd have gotten your heart broken more."
"Hey, look at all this not fighting that we're doing." He nudges her shoulder with his. "I should probably head out soon. You know, before it happens." It's tongue in cheek, and he smiles at her.
She nods. "Behave your ass. And, uh. Feel free to put this 'Lux' in touch with me. And...Thanks, Jacky-boy."
"No promises." He ruffles her hair as he walks to the door. "See you later, Janey."
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