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The Liacorus Center, commonly known as Temple Arena, is packed on Saturday afternoon, with contestants and the audience arranged in stands around the course which winds through the center of the athletics center. Metal scaffolding holds various and sundry obstacles above multiple pits of water, surrounded by heavy gymnastics mats, leading up to the warped wall.
The lights go down once, twice, as a warning, and then five minutes later, the theme song starts blasting through the speakers, echoing and filling the domed arena space. The energetic music melds with the sounds of the crowd cheering, rising to a near-deafening roar. Excited fans and locals wave signs and scream!
"Welcome to day two of the qualifying rounds for American Ninja Warrior Season Thirteen! I'm your host Matt Iseman, joined today by my co-host Akbar Gbajabiamila, and we are ready to start day two!" His voice rises above the crowd from the eagle's nest perch in which he's situated: two burly men in suits, one a very 'issued from central casting' white man in a navy blue suit, his black hair cropped short; Akbar, to whom Matt gestures, is almost exactly the same height as Matt, Black, with a neat goatee, a brilliant smile, and a sleek dove-grey suit.
"Matt, I am just so excited about today's contestants. The energy from yesterday was absolutely off the chain, so we should expect today to be just as intense. You know what they say: ain't no fans like Philly fans. Let's go to Zuri Hall down on the sidelines as we prepare to welcome today's first contestant!"
"Thanks, Akbar! As we saw yesterday, this course is one of the toughest Ninja Warrior courses yet!" Zuri, a slim young Black woman with a waterfall of slim braids framing her face. "First, they'll have to make their way across the Silk Slider, clinging to the cloth and sliding the frame down before swinging to land on the far end."
They cut to footage from yesterday of Rosalyn tackling the Silk Slider, swinging across adeptly in her Greek tunic and shorts.
"Next, our ninjas will make their way to the Log Roll, where the only thing they have to do is hold on, which is harder than it looks. In previous years, this obstacle has eliminated up to eight out of ten contestants!" She continues to walk through the course, the camera following her as the audience tries to lean into frame, shaking their signs.
The camera cuts to footage of Spicy completing the log roll and coming up very very dizzy.
"Next is the Ring Chaser! The ring will roll down, and if our ninjas are quick enough to catch it, they can hook that onto the big hook there and use it to swing over, catching themselves on the opposite hook and swinging through. If they're not quick enough, they can use the smaller ring, which makes it more difficult!"
"That's right, Zuri," Matt interjects, "and that's where we saw The Hyena Ninja end her run yesterday."
Oh, they're getting a lot of use out of Laura swinging across and then falling in the water. Big splash!
"You can do it!" Spicy shouts from the stands, clapping her hands together. Pale grey hoodie, jeans and a thermos with her. Waving toward the new contestant, whooping loudly with the crowd.
"Our fourth obstacle is the Rib Run, where contestants have to be quick and light on their feet. This traditionally has been easiest for the littlest ninjas, and as we saw yesterday, that did hold true, but even though we don't have quite the range of yesterday, it's not much smaller, since we have ninjas ranging from five foot two to six foot nine, Matt!"
They cut to footage of first Spicy, then June, then Rosalyn running across the Rib Run.
"They really do grow them diverse here in Philadelphia!" Matt laughs.
"They sure do, Matt!" she answers, shaking her head. "And of course our last obstacle is the Warped Wall, which this year is twenty-five feet tall!"
"And let's remember that yesterday we did have Ninja History set by The Ginja Ninja, becoming the shortest person ever to conquer the Warped Wall!" They cut away from Matt and Akbar to slow-motion footage of June scaling the wall, pulling herself up, and hitting the buzzer.
"Indeed, Matt. What a course! And let's go to our most mysterious of ninjas here in Philly. Starting out the day we have someone performing under the name Raiden... The Lightning Ninja!"
The next contestant steps out onto the platform in front of the massive crowd. Unlike the minimal athletic clothing other contestants are wearing, this one looks like he took the "ninja" part more seriously. He's got on a longsleeve black hoodie, with black shorts and black tights and tennis shoes, the entire ensemble set off with a matching black face mask. Only his steely eyes and hands are exposed. Some of the onlookers who are close, or those watching the screens, might be able to see the blurriness and blockiness of his hands. Or it could just be a compression artifact, after all.
Standing facing the course dead on, the ninja holds both his forearms out, feet shoulder width apart, serious as a heart attack.
"YEAH, GO RAIDEN!" June screams from where she's hanging out on the sidelines. "GIVE US A SHOCKING PERFORMANCE!" She's not sure that he can hear her, but maybe he can. She can scream really loud.
"This ninja hasn't dedicated his run to a cause, Matt, which makes him unique among our contestants today."
"That's not the only way he's unique! Most of our ninjas don't hide their faces. Very spooky, Akbar. Let's see how The Lightning Ninja does today... "
The starting tones count down: beep beep beep BOOP
Spicy leans over to June and whispers something toward her.(edited)
Still a bit dazed, Artie, meanders closer to a place he can watch the contestant's run. And absently he looks before muttering "I know that butt..."
Sigrun is back in the stands, cheering loudly, and holding up a new sign that reads simply: MY PANTIES DROP AS FRAME RATE INCREASES. There's little math equations on the margins, apparently explaining the relation of increased FPS to decreased panty proximity to posterior. Thus guaranteeing she will NOT be featured on broadcast TV, no doubt.
The Lightning Ninja's eyes slowly close as the countdown beeps, easing into a slight crouch, feet shifting in anticipation. When the starting tone sounds, his eyes fly open and he takes a leap forward, snagging the silk slider with both arms and kicking his feet forward. It's a dramatic start, but a typical finish as he zips down the line and lands on the other side, making a near-dive for the log roll.
"And he's off the Silk Slider. You know, Matt, I really didn't think about it until right now, but with his getup, it really does remind you of one of those classic video games."
"It's true, Akbar, but I don't think that Raiden was ever on a platformer... And The Lightning Ninja is through the Silk Slider! He's a relatively short Ninja, so let's see how he does on the Log Roller."
There's plenty to distract in the stands, but the Lightning Ninja stops for nothing, in constant forward movement. There's the slightest widening of his eyes at the sight of the Rolling Maruta, but he follows his momentum onto it. His black-clad arms and legs cling for dear life, locking into place with ferocious determination...
And then he spins, which is not very dignified. It is, however, extremely fast, his small body whipped around the axis at high speed. While June managed a sick aerial dismount, he tumbles to the side off the log, landing on the bottom platform on his side and stabbing his hands and legs out to keep himself from skidding off the platform, stopping a moment in a precarious pose.
June pauses in her cheering to look over at Spicy, blink a couple of times, and then lean to respond.
"Oooh, and The Lightning Ninja almost goes off the platform! You really can get some inertia going, Matt! Luckily he doesn't have a lot of mass. The Lightning Ninja is our smallest competitor today, and the smallest male competitor of the entire tournament, standing only five foot two inches tall. That'll be a benefit to him on the Rib Run, but first he's going to have to get past Ring Chaser!"
"Indeed, Akbar, and that's taken out more than one mighty ninja in the time that obstacle has been in play! Some of our strongest ninjas have been unable to catch the big ring, and then had to use the smaller ring to hop across, which makes things an awful lot more difficult."
"Good, since you beat me yesterday." she chuckles, referring to her promise, giving June the thumbs up. Then she looks to the contestant again, clapping excitedly. "SPIN AROUND!"
Can't stop, won't stop. There's pressure on, and the Lightning Ninja runs at the Ring Chaser like he's going to just try to clear the entire distance. He springs off the board and attacks the first ring, cycling his arms rapidly to keep his forward momentum, using the holds more to keep height during the charge than to hang and swing from. Then he white-knuckle grips the ring, his hands flickering wildly on the TV to certain fae viewers only, and kicks his feet forward again to zipline to the next obstacle.
Good TV requires some time to react, but the Lightning Ninja doesn't seem to care about ratings or commentators. Or sizing up the obstacles. He flows straight into the fourth obstacle without pause. For a moment, it seems as if he's running on air, his steps and momentum across the ribs barely changing from his prior pace. His small and speedy frame barely causes the ribs to dip as he clears the other side and breaks into an even more intense spring towards the wall.
There's an odd noise coming from him, a sort of siren-like whine. It might be him screaming.
Sigrun turns her sign around. It now reads: WHEN YOU'RE DONE SLIDING DOWN THAT, SLIDE INTO MY DMs
Sigrun Ljosdottir, horny on main it seems.
Now that sign ends up on TV, along with Sigrun's face. "Wow, Matt, lots of love for The Lightning Ninja here today!"
"That's sure one way to put it, Akbar! And lightning is sure a good word for how Raiden handles Rib Run! Nice and smooth there. Feet to the center, knees high, and he's through. He's a natural, this one."
The fans love Rib Run -- it's one of the most challenging obstacles -- and when Glitch gets through it, they roar!
"You have to wonder if the anonymity is going to help his career with the fans. Do we have a social media account for this guy? They seem to really love him!"
"... I mean the signs, Akbar, the signs... let's hope for his sake he's got accounts, phew! I'm a married man but who could pass up that invitation?"
"Settle down, Matt, settle down." Ha ha let's chuckle at weird heterocentric rhetoric. Broadcast TV, man. "Time to watch The Lightning Ninja attack the Warped Wall! He's only a few inches taller than The Ginja Ninja, and this has traditionally been more difficult for our shorter ninjas... "
There's another sign down there, which Sigrun bends to pick up, holding it high over her head again. Stoic faced, just to sell it to onlookers, she presents the sign that reads: YOU CAN CLIMB ME AND SLAM MY BUZZER TOO. It has some cut outs of ladder ads from a Home Depot catalog on it. Along with an image of the Easy Button from Staples.
The crowd roars, the announcers cheer, and the Lightning Ninja streaks towards the final obstacle. Other than his sheer speed and intensity there hasn't been anything too beyond a professional gymnast. The finale has a bit more flash. His feet slam into the rise of the incline, his body leans back, and it seems like the Lightning Ninja might fall flat onto his butt. But he keeps going, his feet kicking him up the wall with each step. With his hair and eyebrows barely peeking over the edge of the wall, his final step kicks him off the wall, nearly horizontal in the air. His feet rotate completely up over his head, his arms cross, and he flips into an inverted gainer, bringing one hand down on the buzzer with a SLAM at the same moment his feet hit the ground. BEEEEEEEP
"YEAH GLITCH!" June shouts as Glitch hits the buzzer. She even jumps and pumps a fist in the air.
Well, that sign isn't ending up on TV. The camera cuts away from Sigrun real fast.
"And there we see it! The Lightning Ninja, our most mysterious competitor, conquering the Warped Wall! So impressive, and his time puts him right in the middle of the pack, currently, Akbar!"
The announcers wave over to Glitch from the eagle's nest. "Great run time, Raiden! Fantastic! How are you feeling?" Akbar asks of Glitch.
In the middle of that, the scoreboard flashes up on all the big screens: June in first place, Rosalyn in second, and then Glitch's masked face and his time slide into third place, bumping Spicy into fourth and Laura into fifth place.
Sigrun throws the sign up into the air and shrieks in victory as another of her friends crosses the finish line and slams the buzzer, punching at the air and shaking the nearest human to herself in jubilation. It's so beautiful, it kinda makes a person want to throw batteries at santa claus.
The camera focuses in on the Lightning Ninja's eyes, wide as saucers, jet black pupils dilated far out. He stands with his forearms braced as before, chest heaving with breath, hands trembling, clearly exerted from that explosion of effort. The moment becomes somewhat awkward as he stares at Akbar. His eyes ping and pong to a few different producers and camera lenses standing nearby, then stare down at himself in confusion a moment. After several very long seconds of dead air, stretched out by the crowd itself dying down in anticipation, the masked competitor simply turns and exits the stage as quickly as he can.
"... a mysterious exit for our most mysterious competitor, Akbar," Matt says into the awkward silence which follows Glitch's sudden departure. "But hopefully we'll see more of The Lightning Ninja tomorrow." The hosts have seen a lot of weird stuff over the last twelve years, so they pivot pretty quickly.
"Indeed, Matt, indeed, but for now, we've got to move on to our next competitor. Artie, The Phoenix Ninja, is running today to bring awareness to a number of Philadelphia clothing charities. We've got a list here: Philabundance, the Philly AIDS Thrift, and Career Wardrobe. Philabundance focuses on clothing for homeless residents of Philadelphia, the Philly AIDS Thrift's clothing sales invest funds back into the HIV positive community, and Career Wardrobe takes donations and turns them into jobs for underemployed members of the Philadelphia Metro Area, focusing on the transgender community."
"Phew! Skinny guy, big heart, Akbar. Let's take a look at how The Phoenix Ninja starts his run... "
When Glitch goes running off, June glances at Spicy and says, "I'm going to go congratulate him on his run. Talk to you later!" And then she hurries off to see if she can track down Glitch, wherever he ran off it.
When his name is finally called, Artie takes a second to ask himself whose silly idea it was for him to go out there? All those eyes!
Ugh. But it was too late to back out, so he slipped up onto the platform. Clad in a replica Spiderman costume top and simple red gym shorts he bounces up and down a few times as he looks over the crowd. Keenly, he spots a few friendly faces and offers a wave.
Then he waits for the crowd to quiet down and focuses on the run. Darting forward he snatches the silken cloth and slides down the zipline letting go just right to let the cloth slide down his limbs so he can snag the rope and swing to the next platform with ease.
Sigrun watches Glitch make his hasty exit, but she's not a competitor and has no access to the floor or the prep and dressing rooms. At least no access that wouldn't get Winter squinting at her. So she watches June follow after him with no small bit of concern and bites her lip, hesitating. She opts to remain in place, no doubt figuring if there's a problem she'll get a text, and goes back to cheering for the contestants. Arthur gets screamed at, "BEAT THAT COURSE LIKE IT WORE A GIANTS JERSEY TO THE ITALIAN MARKET!"
"And he's through! The Phoenix Ninja takes on the first obstacle with ease, Matt! Usually the silk gives people difficulty, it's a very slippery material, but you see how he grabs on to the fabric, he's got control of that obstacle from beginning to end!"
"Fantastic, Akbar, just really smooth, and his transfer to the rope, he really conserves his momentum. That's an incredible show of athleticism. I think that may be the best showing we've seen on that obstacle this weekend!"
"It's true, Matt, but now he faces the Log Roller. That's taken out or thrown off some of our very best competitors this weekend... "
Sidling up to the log, Artie would've freely admitted this was the item that worried him the most. The announcers said. He wasn't exactly a big guy and he was pretty new to hugging.
Regardless, he'd have to channel Spidey here. Clambering onto the roller, he held on tight and closed his eyes and hoped he did this right....
And after more turns than he bothered to count he was through and ready to move forward!
"This is really a difficult obstacle, but more than the obstacle itself, the dizziness causes problems for our competitors, and trying to do Ring Chaser after this is absolutely no mean feat!"
"Absolutely true, Matt, but look at The Phoenix Ninja! The key here is just to keep your body as close in to the log as possible and minimize the effect of the centrifugal force on yourself. If you aren't in tight, boy, that'll do a number on you!"
"So true, Akbar, but The Phoenix Ninja makes it through! Now he's on to Ring Chaser!
Flung off the log, Artie only stumbles a bit as he dismounts. He gives his head a shake before leaping up to the monkeybars.
It's a race against the ring as the tailor swings his way forward but he seems to have the momentum, timing and coordination to pull it off. Sticky fingers pluck the ring from the air and hook it keep going forward!
Keeping it together, the Phoenix Ninja. Moves forward onto the Ribs but maybe he's getting a little tuckered out?
He isn't as swift on this one as he had been up til now but his footing is true enough. The obstacle splits and swings under his weight as he just barely leaps to the final obstacle.(edited)
"Look at The Phoenix Ninja shaking it off! Little bit dizzy, but he's going on. And look at this athleticism, the courage, the sheer dogged determination, he goes on to Ring Chaser!"
"You love to see it, Matt. The Phoenix Ninja is fast across the bars and he grabs the bigger ring. Now he'll need to hook that ring on the hook there and kip across, catching the ring on the other hook, and swing to the dismount."
"And after that, he'll be headed for Rib Run. He's a skinny guy, but not that short, so let's see how he takes it on."
"Want to remind you, Matt, that The Phoenix Ninja is dedicating his run to clothing-based charities in Philadelphia. Everybody needs clothes, and the charities that The Phoenix Ninja is bringing awareness to help people be comfortable, warm, and dressed appropriately to get jobs. It's such an important cause that Artie, The Phoenix Ninja, is advocating for tonight."
"So true, Akbar. Here he starts the Rib Run and... ohhhh, the rib starts swinging. Looks like the Phoenix Ninja is getting tired. This course can really take it out of you, Akbar."
"Very very true, Matt, but look at that save at the end! Does he have enough juice for the Warped Wall?"
"YOU GOT THIS! CLIMB THAT MOTHERFUCKER!" Sigrun bellows it from the sidelines. When he makes that leap, Sigrun pumps her fists into the air again and screams, "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!"
Stumbling his way onto the platform, Artie pauses for a second. This was the big one. So many contestants made it this far and fell apart and he didn't wanna be one of them.
The roar in his ears and encouragement was enough to spur him forward one last time though. Giving it everything he had left, the dark haired smith ran down the curving ramp and leapt for all he was worth. His hands alighted on the ledge and he pulled himself up to slap the buzzer.
BEEEEEEP!
Grinning ear to ear he jumped for joy and punched the air. "Yeeeeeeaaaaah!" Arthur yipped and made his way down to the victor's circle.
"Yes! Another buzzer today at our second day of qualifiers! The Phoenix Ninja makes it through! Let's take a look at the scoreboard, Akbar!"
The big display whooshes up on the massive screens and for viewers at home: June's still in first, Rosalyn in second, and then Artie's face and time pop in at third, pushing Glitch to fourth, Spicy to fifth, and Laura to sixth. "That really does change who might go on to our final rounds of competition. Remember that only the top half will go on to compete in the Ninja Warrior finals tomorrow, here at Temple University in Philadelphia."
"How you feeling, Artie? Looking great!" the announcers wave over to him and the crowd cheers loudly, signs shaking and feet stomping.
"Just an incredible performance from The Phoenix Ninja! Next up, one of the most unique of our performers, The Ninjew!"
Aaron makes his entrance from the sidelines, carrying a small rust colored wiry haired dog under his arm. The little dog is dressed like Burgess Meredith from the Rocky Movies, reprising his role as Mickey Goldmill. Knit cap, yellow shirt, the whole thing. Aaron himself is dressed in a pair of knee length skin tight bike shorts and a loose 'Protect Trans Kids' T-Shirt worn over his garment tallis, tzitzit protruding from beneath the hem. His yarmulke has a chin strap to it. It's like that.
He sets Chewie down on the sidelines and looks to the start of the course, stepping from foot to foot and flicking his hands. Chewie barks up at him from time to time, and Aaron nods as though receiving coaching and suggestions. He then forms his hands into fists and leans down as though presenting his gloves to the dog, a dog that stands up on his hind legs and baps his fists with both paws.
That done, Aaron steps into position to await the starting signal, bouncing lightly in place to keep his body loose.
Chest heaving and face still aglow, "Awesome! I got a little worried but I'm glad I pulled through!" He pushes out, shooting a thumbs up followed by a two fingered peace sign before wandering off to find something ice cold to drink.(edited)
"Fantastic run, Artie! You really pulled through, such incredible athleticism, such panache. Good luck, hope we see you in the finals!" Akbar calls toward him before Artie goes off in search of a drink.
"And we see here that The Ninjew has brought his dog, Chewda Macabee, or Chewie... is that... is he dressed like Burgess Meredith? What a Philly moment, the audience is absolutely loving this!" And indeed, little Philly loves more than a Rocky reference, so the stands are absolutely going WILD. It's literally deafening, sending people's ears ringing as people's feet stomp on the bleachers and signs get shaken.
Ziv weasels their way right up to the front, right near the starting line, shrieking at the top of their lungs as only a Siren can. They've got on sneakers, Daisy Duke shorts, and a rainbow bikini top (it's freaking hot when people get crammed in together), and have a giant sign that just says THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND! with a cartoony face drawn next to it with Stars of David in the face's starstruck eyes, and bubbly hearts all over.
Some people go clever, Ziv goes 'challenging the heteronormativity of ANW viewers.'
"Amazing, Akbar, we can barely talk above the noise! Time to get ready for The Ninjew to start his performance. You can see he's got his yarmulke strapped into place, not gonna lose that during his run today!"
beep beep beep BOOP!
Aaron puffs his cheeks up, lets out a breath, and then is off with the BEEP. He accelerates from stock still with impressive speed, avid biker and jogger that he is. Both hands snatch the cloth at either end, and he curls his arms up to get his massive frame tucked upwards into a ball to avoid his heels dragging into the water. He unballs towards the bottom and arcs through the air, one foot touching down on the stand as he strides forward to leap up and grab the rope. He just uses that as a landmark, though, because his singular leap is practically long enough to carry him all the way without the rope swing being involved in the first place. He alights down on the other end and paces to a halt before the second obstacle, offering a wave to the crowd, and a big affable, 'I give good hugs' sort of smile.
"Very impressive performance from The Ninjew on the Silk Slider, Matt. Look at the way that he uses his momentum. The Ninjew is the tallest of our male performers today at 6'3". Surprisingly, it's the women who outclass the men in height here in Philadelphia!"
"And speaking of class, it's impotant to say, Akbar, that The Ninjew is dedicating his run today for awareness for The Attic LGBTQ Youth Center and the Philly Bail Fund! Much like The Spicy Ninja yesterday, he wants to bring awareness to the important resources for Philadelphia's LGBTQ Youth that The Attic provides, and the Philly Bail Fund provides assistance with bail to make sure people aren't spending the holidays unnecessarily behind bars."
"Very classy, Matt, very classy indeed. Look at that dismount, and a big smile to the audience before The Ninjew goes on to Log Roll!"
It's not as graceful or impressive as his approach to the first obstacle. He eyes the massive rolling tumbler and wraps himself around it like a limpet, trying to keep his considerably massive frame tucked in tight to minimize the pull of the rotational velocity. He's begin slipping loose towards the end of it, and flops out onto his back at the end of the line, rolls over onto his front, and pushes himself to his feet. He shakes off the dizziness as best he can and reclaims his focus on the task at hand, his second wave to the crowd a bit distracted for all the bouncing around he just underwent.
"YOU GOT THIS, BABY! CONTROL THAT POLE!" Oh Ziv. They lean over the clear plexiglass fencing that keeps the audience back, shrieking at the top of their lungs, absolutely giddy with delight, and shaking their sign.
"And you can see The Ninjew's friends and family on the sidelines, very enthusiastic, Akbar! Absolutely loving his performance today. Look at those tassels flying as he spins his way down the Log Roll, but his grip holds, and he makes the dismount!"
"You can see him shaking off his dizziness, Matt, as he heads toward Ring Chaser. This has been difficult for some of our ninjas, coming as it does right after Ring Chaser!"
Aaron seems to deal with the dizziness admirably. Once he's on the bars, he goes hand over hand to the end, skipping a bar at each swing. He snatches the ring out of the air and passes his weight to the ring in one fluid motion. This swings his legs out, which propels him up and off the hook and across the way onto the next where he arrests his momentum by kicking up his legs and throwing his body forward to land on both feet on the edge of the platform. He walks away from that landing with another wave to the crowd, and a point of his finger at Ziv with a big grin. Then he's squaring up for the next obstacle, apparently quite in The Zone as they say.
"Great recovery here from The Ninjew as he heads into Ring Chaser. Watch how fluid he is as he moves across the bars, and he doesn't stop at all when he grabs that ring, just transfers the forward motion into his swing, and off he goes! Smooth transfer, and a very nice dismount. He's a bear of a guy, but he moves as fluidly as some of our smaller competitors, Akbar."
"It's true, Matt, he really does have a lot of control for a big guy! And he's pointing to someone in the crowd, one of The Ninjew's fans there, oh, look at that sign. You gotta love the enthusiasm of the fans."
And indeed, Ziv is shrieking at this point, waving their sign over their head like they're advertising a high school cheerleader car wash, and they blush vividly when Aaron points at them, blowing him a kiss and wrinkling up their nose in delight.
"You love to see it, Matt, you really do. The enthusiasm is really something. The Ninjew is on to Ring Chaser, which, historically, has been harder for some of our bigger and heavier competitors. You really need to keep your knees high and stay to the middle of those swinging platforms or you will end up in the drink!"
Aaron faces the giant wall with raised eyebrows. That's big. He's now regretting not paying more attention to Lux's free running talents when he had the chance. Shaking out his arms and bouncing on his feet, he psychs himself up and goes running at the wall, manages a step and a half up it, and then leaps himself as high as he possibly can, straining with his right arm to get some sort of grip on the rim. And he manages it with just the one hand.
But he doesn't let it end there, pulling his body up to get a second hand into place so that he can hoist himself upwards and deposit his butt on the top of the obstacle. Grinning, he waves to the crowd, rolls into a backwards somersault up to his feet, and swats the final buzzer with a big, big smile. Those with knowledge of Hebrew and lip reading skills notice him saying a Shehechiyanu in the wake of the accomplishment.
"Oh my gosh, it's gonna be close, Akbar! The Ninjew pushing himself up and -- AND HE'S GOT IT!" The crowd loves a close call, and there's a big roar from the gathered people in the stands. "The Ninjew gets a buzzer, and let's take a look at the scoreboard!"
Aaron's smiling face slides into place in third, with June in first and Rosalyn in second still, pushing Artie into fourth, Glitch into fifth, Spicy into sixth, and Laura into seventh.
"Keep in mind that the top half of our competitors will return tomorrow for the finals. At this point, that's The Ginja Ninja, The Goddess Ninja, The Ninjew, and The Phoenix Ninja, Matt! What an eclectic group here in Philadelphia!"
"Absolutely. You love to see it, Akbar, you really do." And from the eagle's nest, the hosts call over to Aaron: "How you feeling, man? You got it!"
"Don't interrupt a man's prayers, Matt, give him a second and then we'll hear back from The Ninjew."
Aaron calls back to the announcers once there's a mic pointed in his direction, "It feels great! Let's get some people home for the holidays, boys! WHOO! E- A - G - L - E - S!!" The latter bit is shouted at the crowd as he comes off the platform and descends back to ground level to retrieve his pupper and make for the sidelines.
"Gotta love that hometown spirit from The Ninjew, Akbar," laughs one of the hosts, shaking his head in amusement.
"And such a worthy cause, as are all of the causes our ninja community backs. Such big hearts within the ninja community and so much support for each other."
"Absolutely," agrees Matt, segueing as Aaron exits the top of the Warped Wall, "and the biggest heart tonight is in our biggest competitor tonight, and the tallest this weekend: The Sub-Zero Ninja. Tons of video game references tonight. I wonder if she and The Lightning Ninja, Raiden, know each other!"
Both hosts chortle in amusement. Ha ha ha. Wouldn't that be funny. "It's true, though, Matt, The Sub-Zero Ninja is six feet, eleven inches tall, one of the tallest ninjas in American Ninja Warrior history. An absolutely incredible athlete, but will her height be a help or a hindrance tonight? We're about to find out... "
Sturm, at this moment, is completing the last of her stretches from just off-screen. Pulling herself up to her imposing 6'11", she strides to the starting line where she awaits the signal to begin.
The massive blonde is wearing a midriff-bearing crop top that looks to have been made from an old Black Sabbath t-shirt, and a pair of EXTREMELY loud leggings. Just explosively bright, pride color tie-dye.
She mostly keeps her head down, not terribly comfortable with the cameras or the crowds, but definitely not too uncomfortable to display her laser-like focus...
"An absolutely incredible athlete. And, Akbar, The Sub-Zero Ninja is dedicating her run tonight to domestic abuse survivor awareness and the Elizabeth Ann Coalition Against Domestic Abuse, a local charity named after two women who tragically lost their lives to domestic violence."
"Such an important issue, Matt, and we are grateful to The Sub-Zero Ninja for bringing awareness to this issue with her run tonight. Now it's time for her to start her run."
beep beep beep BOOP and the timer counts down. "And we're off! The first event, the Silk Slider, requires good control and excellent grip strength, Akbar, let's see how The Sub-Zero Ninja handles this... "
The Sub-Zero Ninja handles this with a surprising level of skill and dexterity that one would hardly have thought possible from someone with her hulking build. Using her running momentum, she grabs hold of the silk strands in wither hands -- letting go just perfectly in-time to let the movement propel her onto the rope, and then to the next safe platform without touching the water.
Safely back on her two feet, she rolls her shoulders, moving back and forth in place as she looks over the next obstacle...
"And she handles that with grace and strength, Akbar. That's a lot of inertia, and she uses that inertia to propel herself forward, going smoothly from the silk to the rope and on to the completion of the obstacle!"
"Really incredible, Matt, just an incredible display of athleticism and strength. Now she's on to the next obstacle. It's important to note that while the Log Roll did not directly take out our other very tall ninja, the dizziness from the Log Roll led to The Hyena Ninja not completing."
"The bigger they are, Akbar, you know how the saying goes, and while strength and a big reach can help on the Log Roll, inertia and centrifugal force can really be a killer. Let's watch... "
Sturm straddles the log, locking her grip into the hand-holds, and linking up her legs opposite her body before throwing her weight to the side and starting the roll. Her platinum blonde braid swings wildly with the movement, but she manages an incredible feat of strength, clinging on as if her were a lifeline. She hits the mat, rolling one last time to free herself from under the log before pulling back to her imposing height.
... fortunately for her, she seems almost unfazed by the dizziness, and with one bracing smack to the cheek, she shakes it off and continues on.
"Wow, look at her go! You really get some momentum when you're that big, Akbar. Incredible musculature and grip from The Sub-Zero Ninja as the Log Roll speeds her on to the next obstacle!"
"And look at her smacking her own cheek to clear her head, Matt. The Log Roll really does make you quite dizzy. I'm always impressed by any athlete that makes it this far."
"So true, Akbar, so true. And now she's on to Ring Chaser, where her long reach might really help her."
It does! Sturm's biceps ripple as she grips the monkey bars. She is not a light woman by any means, but her hulking strength, lengthy reach and the momentum she's managed to accrue so far carry her through to the end... until
She reaches out for the ring, but misses it. There's a sinking feeling in her chest as she reaches for the much smaller, much more unwieldy ring.
It takes her a bit to work back up the momentum ((and with her crop top you can definitely see those abdominal muscles working overtime as she swings back and forth)) before she slings herself foward across the gap, slamming the ring into place on the peg, and then closing the last bit of distance by landing in a superhero pose.
"It's a lot of weight for our taller ninjas, and that does really start to wear out your arms, Akbar. You can see The Sub-Zero Ninja really working to get across those bars, and -- oh, she misses the big ring! That's okay, she can still use the smaller one."
"She's gonna have to be much more precise using that one, which is really difficult with our bigger, heavier ninjas. All that muscle is not light, Matt! You really have to get up good inertia to move it all across!"
"Look at her really getting that inertia going, she's swinging her legs back and forth, really using her core muscles to get up enough energy to kip across. She can't stay there too long, it'll really wear out her grip, and she'll need that for the Warped Wall!"
"And she's across! The Sub-Zero Ninja, striking a hero pose as she lands. And a reminder that she's dedicated her run today to true heroes, those helping women and children escape and survive domestic violence."
"Too right. Now it's on to the Rib Run, where her stature is really going to go against her. It's the lighter ninjas that usually do best on this obstacle... "
Sturm offers a little puff of air, blowing a stray blonde strand of hair out of her field of vision. This one was the obstacle she'd been most worried about, but there's nothing to do but pull the ripcord.
She takes off, doing her best to stick to the center so as not to send the ribs careening away. It's a shaky thing -- and far less graceful than any other obstacle she's run -- but Sturm manages to reach the end, only slipping up on the last rib. Thankfully too late to send her spilling into the drink.
As she lands, Sturm offers a bestial roar. Just a little celebration for the fallen foe that nearly bested her, and she's off to the next one...(edited)
"And here she goes, The Sub-Zero Ninja taking off across Rib Run! She's got a lot of speed for her size, Akbar... "
"But her greater leg reach is offset by her weight, she's setting those ribs swingingandohno!"
"Ohhhh, I thought for sure we were going to see The Sub-Zero Ninja go into the drink, Akbar, but lucky for her she only really mis-stepped on that last rib and managed to save herself."
"Watch those ribs swing once she got off of them, though, and that's why you have to be really fast on Rib Run, Matt!"
"Absolutely. And now this incredible ninja, our last competitor of the night, just has to conquer the Warped Wall. It's about three and a half times her height, which just shows you the diversity of our athletes, since the Warped Wall was over five times the height of our shortest ninja here in Philadelphia, The Ginja Ninja!"
As she approaches the warped wall, Sturm does what so many contestants do here just before they fail. Rather than letting her momentum take her up the curvature of the wall, she hits it running -- trying to brute force her way past.
She doesn't quite fall, but there's definitely a moment where it seems like she might. The top of the wall is just within reach -- in no small part thanks to her absurd height -- but she can't seem to grasp it or move forward...
Until, as if just through stubborn refusal alone, she catches herself just before sliding back down, and launches herself up with a powerful leap. From there, Sturm manages a grip on the edge of the platform, and pulls herself up with another howl -- thrusting both fists into the air once she's stable atop the obstacle.(edited)
"And here she goes, launching herself up the Warped Wall, and -- OH NO I CAN'T LOOK, Akbar!"
"Oh but if you don't look at moments like this, you will MISS these incredible moments! Holy cow, look at the strength! The athleticism! And The Sub-Zero Ninja gets a buzzer!"
"And that ends Day Two of American Ninja Warrior! The top 4 competitors move on to tomorrow's finals!"
The scoreboard updates, flashed on the screen: June, Rosalyn and Aaron stay in place as the top 3, with Sturm pushing Artie out of 4th place and into 5th, which bumps Glitch, Spicy and Laura down the line.
"Tune in tomorrow for the finals of American Ninja Warrior Season 13 here in Philadelphia!"
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